War and glory...
Rebel and shame...
Made powerful by the blood of my foes.
Cast down at my wish for peace.1
The greed of this nation
Constricts me with its vines.
Choking me until I submit
To the violence they will cause.2
Agree to this chaos?
Witness the death of my brothers?
What is my choice?3
My respect for human dignity
Can't be shrouded by their hate.
My morals will not be swayed
By their threats of scorn and ridicule.4
Put my foot down?
Betray my country in mutiny?
What is my choice?5
Honored by death...
Traitor for life...
Regret for endangering my home.
Happy for the safety of all.
Author notes
I know my use of metaphors could've been better, but I worked with what my mind gave me, so hopefully it didn't let me down.
A contest entry
- The Poet's Challenge - Round II by Asfand.
100 points, ended December 22, 2007, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Your qualifier poem and this poem compared, holds nothing over that one. I know how you play with metaphors, and yes, you could have done much better.
Actually, it's overall, a pretty good poem, but they're are just some lines, some thoughts that could have been effectively placed.
Too many '...' and the capitalizations of every first letter in every line.
You worked with this wonderfully, the desperation you seem to be in, is communicated well and throughout the whole poem is very powerful.
Nice job!
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