Fucked, an interactive novel by the kid you never really knew, but liked to think you did

Chapter I.1

Who (Did) Make Who?2

When I was 9 I dreamed of writing the great American novel.3

By the time I was 19 I hoped to stay alive long enough to write4

a grocery list, or a 'things to do list'. The latter being one of these5

silly compulsive quirks of mine that I'd at some point in time turned6

into a magical mind clearing and re-focusing technique.7

The list would look something like this:8

1. Take out the trash9

2. Fix car's air conditioner10

3. Get a job11

4. Find god12

5. Get a life…13

6. Go to the DMV14

7. Traverse the Amazon15

8. Go back to school, and then the moon16

9. Pay Michelle back, and stop making lists.17

I know… I was the only devil in hell flying about with an organizer.18

Ridiculous, I had a poncho like Clint Eastwood, hair like Jesus of Nazareth,19

more LSD than Timothy Leary (in a bible with a false back cover),20

and enough treacherous friends to back stab me into Caesar's heaven.21

All with a cute little organizer, ah the nineties. But dealing drugs was for the birds. I'd watched it pretty much destroy my father. He did 15 years behind bars during the first 23 years of my life. Doesn't leave a lot of time to do the old ball toss in the backyard that's for sure. Not that my dad was the ball throwing kind of guy, or I was into balls, yet (that's an inside joke some of my closer friends will laugh at).22

He taught me more important lessons and activities than that: Like the old jump out of your car, rip your shirt off, and kick that guy that just cut you off in traffics ass at the next light. The drug dealer's walk of bravado and machismo (which looked a bit like a drunk pirate with a hard-on trying to figure out where he docked his ship). The cell phone answer of coolness at the Sizzler's salad bar (always embarrassing for us kids present because cell phones back then looked like back packs) and of course, the look of death, that moment of eye contact between you and your adversary that said "I will fucking suck your eyeballs out of your ass if you don't check your shit, fucker".23

I love my dad so fucking much it hurts... but God damn if I can barely be in a room with him more than an hour before I realize that we don't actually have24

that much in common beyond the given, so I walk out of the room.25

When I was younger, things were different, when he got in trouble?26

My life was thrown into a spiral of chaos and fear. My mother had abandoned27

me for a life of nomadic witchery, flesh and myth. So where do I live when dad goes back to the clink each time 7 years here, 4 years there, one year over yonder? With whomever hasn't gotten sick of me from the stint before.28

I worked my way through 27 states, mostly, Detroit, Los Angeles, Reno,29

Las Vegas, Kauai, Chicago, Philadelphia (as far as long periods in cities went).30

My salvation lied in the fact that I was highly literate and pleasant on the eyes. I also turn into the devil if you piss me off. I'm loyal, an autodidact and31

courageous, and known to crack a joke or two even when the horse is dead,32

and the saddle weighs too much to carry home -- because there is no home.33

My grandparents did their best. On one side the liberals,34

on the other, the conservatives. From West coast to East35

coast over and over again. Now I'm a libertarian, get it?36

No, because you don't even know what a libertarian is.37

I went to four different high schools in three different states,38

never graduated, but graduate(d) from what?39

Come on everyone! lets get all dressed up and celebrate40

a lifetime of professional labor devoted to a system of41

centralized banking that's so bent on your destruction you42

might as well do a Forrestal (Famous admiral that 43

jumped off his own boat, because he discovered the truth44

about aliens and what they were doing).45

Come on Everybody! Pat each other on the backs at the46

institution of daydreaming-suburban-materialists,47

or urban-chrome-spun-rim hipness in the eyes of those48

bent on four more years at their parent's almamador [sic].49

Fuck that, I can't stand school(s), a perfect device created50

by the rich elite to dumb down generation after generation51

of programmed middle to upper middle class drones.52

The real information is hidden in some of the strangest53

folds imaginable. And I'm going to take you back there54

with me, are you ready? Good, get ready for magic.