Is it possible for time to stop? Is it really? Thats what if feels like when the world ends. When everything deteriorates, when everything just wears away. When there is nothing more to anything, but a few seconds you have to yourself. The thing is, your life never flashes before your eyes. Nope, there's no magical screen that portrays your life. But you do realize how many things you've taken for granted. How you want to tell another how you really felt. How that you never said that you love them, but you really do. How if only you didn't make that one mistake things would have turned out different. How if you weren't so selfish maybe you wouldn't have lost a friend. Many things occur to you. Everything becomes suddenly crystal clear. You have but three seconds until there is nothing left. Nothing is now life, nothing is death. Nothing is nothing, thats what there is to everything. You realize life is most wonderful thing. Every moment is different... weather its an amazingly happy moment, or a depressing one. When you look back on it now your even thankful for the the depressing moments because there were still moments in all. You still felt the feelings you were meant to feel. When the world ends thats what happens, every little thing that has ever happened to you and every little feeling you ever felt .... It all becomes clear. Then Nothing.
Author notes
Another freewrite, but i actually like this one. i hope u like it too!!! please commment and tell me what u think
A contest entry
- Send Me Your Short Shorts! by whichcraft.
145 points, ended December 3, 2007, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING YOU WANT!!!!!!!!!!! by Infectious Insanity.
100 points, ended November 20, 2007, 41 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Spark My Muse for a Hundred Points by beezy92.
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Comment ..... please? pretty please ....
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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hmmm......
I have a lot of trouble with this. It's not because I don't like the emotional content, because there is a very transparent honesty about the wish for forgiveness and redemption, a desire to restore the world, or your world, to a pristine purity before its destruction. The inference is that then any mistakes will be rectified, and it won't be anyone's fault, at least not yours.
I'm old and steeped in sin. I have four sons and two grandsons, and I sometimes thank God I didn't have daughters, because the female of the species tends to be more open about emotional issues before going on to be more manipulative with them. I'm not being misogynistic here, merely observant, and as objective as I can be.
Being as dispassionate as I can, could I point out that the world hasn't actually ended. Now I understand it was a bit of artistic licence, and probably a cathartic bit of angst relief. It was articulate and structured with a balance and climax that, whilst predictable was fairly well constructed. Without overdoing things, maybe a little more display of a richer vocabulary? Keeping it simple is good, makes the whole thing accessible, but maybe word choice needs looking at.
Nevertheless, a very intelligent bit of prose
beginning: 2, language: 2.
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wow...this really got me thinking. its a very intelligent write. and im sure its mostly true, this might be what happens when we're dying. no one will ever know until it happens. i think about this stuff alot. i like the way you portrayed all of thesse thoughts here. nice write!:]
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Oh, thank you sooo much for all these comments! they are very appreciated. And thanks for this comment, yes this one makes me think.
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I like it. You're musing. I can tell its a freewrite, because you need to work on capitalization. But it's good and sort of profound. Ish. (= So good job and good luck in the contest.
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I can see your point in this piece. It isn't much of a story however. It is more of a summary or essay type which isn't really what I was looking for in my short short story contest. Maybe if it was taken by a character's point of view instead of just narative.
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that really makes ya think... its very interesting... good work!
*sheep* -
Good concept
Interesting concept, similar, but quite different, to my own offering, Barking Dog. There are a bunch of problems I have with the writing, but most are easily fixed.
“Thats” should always be “that’s”
“weather” in this context should be “whether”
There’s a repetition of “the” at one point
“Nothing is now life, Nothing is death” either unnecessary capitalisation or comma should be a stop
Finally, I struggle with one phrase where I would like to understand your intended meaning, “because there were still moments in all.”
Anyway, I think it’s a good concept and just needs a little tidy up to be very intriguing. -
Wow... This is very deep and I'm surprised because you usually don't think of things this way, which is good. There were a few places that needed Capitals at the beginning of sentences. Not a hard fix. I wish you could have had more on this one too because it could have gone father and made a bigger impact on the reader...
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i thought about maybe adding something more to it, but it ended up talking bout his feelings, and his life. and i didn't really want that in this story. I think its kind of like a lesson.... dont take life for a granted or what not....
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