Danseur

From a glossy cocoa-colored bun and precisely drawn eyes, to a jet black leotard and thin pale tights, Sara Wilson looked like a perfectly polished dancer. Except for the pointe shoes she wore on her feet.1

Once a pale salmon color, they had faded until they looked almost colorless. The satin was distressed from vigorous dancing, and inside the shoes were faint dark spots in the shape of tiny half-moons from the first time she’d ever worn them. All the other girls in her elementary class yelped and griped and pleaded to take their beautiful new shoes off. Sara blocked out the pain, ecstatic to finally be en pointe. She danced until her toes bled, which she pointed out to the girls in the dressing room after class. 2

“Like Anna Pavlova,” she had told them happily.3

“Who’s Anna Pavlova?” one girl asked in a whiny voice. No one else paid attention to Sara or the girl, too busy in their own central worlds.4

Sara didn’t answer, too nice to do anything but bandage her toes, pack her bag, and leave quietly.5

Outside, her father was waiting eagerly to hear how her first pointe lesson went. He was proud of her aspirations. He had started dancing when he was twelve, but when he hit his thirties, he had stopped getting booked as a dancer. So he became a choreographer. When she was fourteen, he got a contract with New York University.6

“New York is no place for a little girl,” her father had told her, stroking her hair complacently and ignoring the fact that hundreds of little girls survived quite happily in New York City every day.7

He left her with his sister Marie in Washington D.C. Sara kept in close touch with her father for a year. She continued to email, text, and call, but slowly his responses dropped off. She later found out that she had been replaced by his girlfriend, an art connoisseur. They hadn't spoken in over three years.8

Now she was nineteen, living in Manhattan, and breaking into the world of dancing. She had always thought that she’d move to New York City one day and bump into him as she waited in line at a cozy coffee shop for a bagel and lox. This never happened and she didn’t allow herself the distraction of getting in touch with him.9

She turned now to her full length mirror and twisted to and fro, observing her body from every angle. She was built like a dancer with long legs, graceful arms, a long neck, trivial curves, and minimal body fat.10

Her roommate, Stacy, entered her bedroom with two mugs of coffee. “You look great. I can’t get over how toned your are. I wish I could look like that in a skin-tight leotard.”11

Sara smiled and accepted a cup. “Stop. You’re beautiful.”12

Stacy shrugged affably. “I know. But I’m not…” she waved her hand toward Sara.13

Sara sipped the dark coffee, staring contemplatively in the mirror. She did this every morning. Her eyes ran over her features, expecting to see what she saw every time she did this. Gradually, she could recognize her father in her face. Smooth flawless skin, black eyes fringed by long black eyelashes, a slender tapered nose, and a small but defined mouth.14

People always said her father was “pretty,” and he had passed on the beauty to her.15

“Stop that,” Stacy commanded, snapping her fingers. “Look at me.” Sara did, rolling her eyes. “It’s not natural to do that every day. At some point you need to let go of him.”16

“I have let go,” Sara asserted, taking a gulp of hot coffee.17

“I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t see it in your actions,” Stacy said in her eggbert voice.18

“Alright, psych major, we’re done here,” Sara said congenially. “I still have a lot I need to do.”19

“Please. You have prepared for this audition in every imaginable way possible. Now you just need to relax. The four key components of a successful audition are relaxation, imagination, concentration, and observation. Let’s do some yoga to loosen you up.”20

Sara shook her head. “Yoga frustrates me.”21

Stacy laughed, and stood up from her place on Sara’s bed. “I can only imagine. I’ll leave you alone to your OCD habits. Break a leg.”22

“Thanks.” Sara shut the door behind her, and locked it quietly. She needed to focus.23

She put on a mix CD her father had made her years ago that always soothed her nerves. It contained various songs from famous ballets, mainly Tchaikovsky’s, mixed with the sound of ocean waves and soft rain falling.24

She started to stretch slowly, running over her choreography in her head. She wished she hadn’t consumed any of Stacy’s potent, highly-caffeinated coffee.25

And she wished the music didn't make her think about her father. No distractions, indeed.

Author notes

[Contest Stuff:
Picture promt: 16) http://mixylplik3.deviantart.com/art/The-Dancer-24726912 My favorite place to go is this little Thai bistro near my house.

I used these pictures

1] http://yukimel.deviantart.com/art/Ballet-Shoes-33239120
2] http://kaoru-hime.deviantart.com/art/Dance-63076491 ]

A contest entry

What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Keirii
    March 13
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is amazing!!!

    Your a finalist!!!


  • Olinda
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful.

    I simply love this story. You probably charmed me because I love dance stories, but this is a very lovely and well written and amazing peice.

    I love dancing, you know that? =]

    Great job

    Oli


    • beezy92
      January 29
      Edit | Reply
      I love dancing too!! (: I'm so glad you liked this. And thank you SO MUCH for the gold! I really really appreciate it!! ♥


  • Eddie
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    I already commented on this, so I see no need to comment again. Though, I do suggest you look at the rules again. You seem to have forgotten something


    • Eddie
      January 16
      Edit | Reply
      Wait...no. Never mind. Forget I said anything. This story is just as lovely as ever. Great job

  • Eddie
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. I'm not a dancer, but my best friends are. Very well written. Thanks for entering, and good luck. Finalist!

  • LateBloomer
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this. It gives so much insight into Sara, not only what distracts her but what drives her as well. It seems like there is more to this story waiting to be told. :-)

    Best,
    LB


  • perfect paradox
    November 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning! :] I was waiting for someone to use the dancing prompt and you did! I love it.

    My only itch is that in the beginning she's young, right? And then suddenly it changes to a little part about her father and then when she's nineteen. Maybe have some transition in there?

    I think if you added some slight details to Stacy and maybe how she looked when she was a little kid.

    Other than that, this is a really good story! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!

    Cheers,

    Simply


  • Dreams of Insanity
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...this was yet another really great entry!
    I have to say by far this one is the most well written. I'm very happy you entered this contest! You did just what we asked for and thank you!
    Good luck in the contest!


  • Shira890
    November 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like it. I am intrigued by Sara and this thing she has going on with her father. I would love to see you develop this charcter further


  • fierra
    November 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good story! Very descriptive and it flows smoothly. try to finish the story,if you can.I really want to know what happen to sara and his father,next.

    keep on writting!

  • So Be It
    November 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very good story.

    I'm not much into dancing, but the tone and the descriptions were all very realistic and flowed smoothly.

    All in all, I loved it to bits.

  • belowit
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i love the feel in this! it's amazing.
    now for comments: the conversation is really good, but also think about how people really talk, when you are with someone, you don't need to reinforce things by saying this out loud. maybe you could use more facial expressions and stuff.
    the other person said the thing i was gonna say so, yeah, i love how this makes me feel! i can't describe it. oops!! my tea's boiling!
    ~wit


  • Seachelle
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Bee! I always love your storylines Mostly because what you write shows the passion you have for dancing and the knowledge of the art itself is convincing Obviously because you are a dancer yourself, you will have some knowledge.

    There were a few things grammatically ( I hope I spelled that right..) that need some fixing, and hey, that's why I am here to comment

    First thing...

    "From her glossy cocoa-colored bun, to her precisely made-up eyes, to her jet black leotard, to her pale tights, Sara Wilson looked polished and ready for the most important audition of her career yet."

    I think it's a good grabber, a nice description of the character right off the bat, BUT there is something wrong... Notice the pattern... It goes.. "From______________,to ______________, to _________________, to ___________ ...." See how many "to"'s you used? Try to make it sound more flowing.. Here's a suggestion...

    "From a glossy cocoa-colored bun and exquisitely drawn eyes to her jet black leotard accompanied with a thin pair of pale tights, Sara Wilson had the lambent look of a pictureque model." (Honestly, I don't think you need to tell the reader about the audition just YET, you already mention it at least once later in the chapter..)

    Secondly...

    "Sara didn’t answer, bandaging her toes, packing her bag, and leaving quietly."

    Omg, I wish I remembered the technical term for this type of sentence.. But I don't. I just know that it's not right. If you write in past tense in the beginning, you must all the way to the end. Reading that sentence.. Well, it's not even a full sentence. You need to use "ed" at the end so that it makes sense.. It should be, "Sara didn't answer and instead bandaged her toes and packed her bag to get ready to leave." It's not necessarily needed, but you COULD spice this sentence up any way you wanted to... It defintely implies that Sara is not listening to this girl any more.

    Lastly...

    "She looked like a real dancer, with long legs, graceful arms, a long neck, trivial curves, and minimal body fat."

    I like this description because it really is accurate. There is little thing I would change and that would be to take out the very first comma because it is not needed.

    Okay, now that I have torn apart your story, I DO think it is worth putting effort into .. It's a nice storyline and I would love to be able to read on from what you have written. You have always been good at character building which is something that I love about your style DO understand that I like this story and it needs very minimal fixing to sound professional. It's a very easy story to get into. I noticed you said that you wrote this a while ago, and that's good because I can tell you have grown (not heighth-wise lol). Play around with some of the sentence structure to make it better



    Ana




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