He was the greatest masterpiece,and a mockery for god,all at the same time.
A contest entry
- First Lines! by Bitter Irony.
200 points, ended November 30, 2007, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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You don't need the commas in this sentence.
This opening is interesting, but a touch melodramatic: I think you could find a better word than "mockery." "All at the same time" feels out of place with the tone (it's also gramatically incorrect, as you only listed two descriptions). You've got a nice hook here: see if you can make its effect more concentrated.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!
~Bitter Irony -
wow, what story is that? I want to read it! Is it yours? I'm looking for it, just in case.
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ahaha! Well,this line described about a vampire.I'm still trying to write down the story.Just couldnt find the time to sit down and write.If you have any suggestion regarding the plot/characters,that will be helpful.
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O.O woah...that's really something farah!!
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ehehe! you think? when you read this line,what do you expect the story would be like?
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