So maybe not.1
So maybe there’s not a tree in the way of my path
and whoever felled it hasn’t screwed up again.
So maybe the leaves are not cutting me down
like an ego a face in the path of an ass.
So maybe my way isn’t blocked by a person:
a woman a demon a monster a minion.
So maybe my way isn’t blocked by a mirror
so I can see clearer the monster in me.
So maybe the baby’s not crying so maybe it’s laughing,
it’s choking it’s strangling mirth.
So maybe my dreams were not ruined and all was not taken
And now I am stuck with my life.
So maybe I’m not really dreaming and I’m just pretending
that my path’s been blocked all along.
So maybe I’m not by myself cause you split me in half.
I no longer play checkers alone.
Author notes
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I really, really like how this turned out. I like the insanity of it, mostly (I love randomness).
My prompt was (in a nutshell) about a woman whose dream has been deferred due to her own mistake, and now she's dealing with the consequences of living her second choice.
Thus, I would imagine that wanna-be-med-student-aka-teacher-lady stopped trying to go to med school, got her (easier) educational degree instead, got married, had a baby, etc.
The boring, everyone-else-is-doing-it life that she never wanted. And now she's trapped and she doesn't like herself.
Thus this poem.
A contest entry
- The Poet's Challenge - Round II by Asfand.
100 points, ended December 22, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Ouch. Suburban unhappiness distilled in a nutshell - I loved this one. The cadence gave it an almost sing-song quality, and I could hear an eerie, weeping voice whispering this brokenly as I read. Wonderful job - I'm coming to expect no less of your poems =)
I noticed on your page that you are a fan of Neil Gaiman's work; I think Despair would be quite proud of this poem, which is high praise, though strange praise nonetheless.
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Lol well, that's depressing I like the whole so maybe repetitiveness, god I hope I don't screw my life up like that ><'
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Talk about irony, this is really gut-wrenching. I absolutely LOVED the last line, it brought such a warm feeling of leaving despair and finding hope.
This write is very strong. First off, the very emotional package that comes along is likw -wowzers!
I was really impressed by the way this turned out, very, very emotional.
You picked on metaphors in an abvious way, it was nice though, because they really fit and your using metaphors that actually bring a better 'feeling' to the poem was great. You picked the genre of your poem - it turned out to be the ones in which you dont want any imagery and great, big fanciness, but you just want to learn more of the story at hand, great job on that.
Ok, I would lovwe some more punctuation.
The format actually seems to intensify the poem, I am not a big fan of this merged forms, but it works, and it's golden.
Got ta say: loved it! -
Fantastic, I really liked it. You're a shoo-in for the next round, def.
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