Walking outside, I heard nothing or saw nothing. Glanced over my shoulder, no movement, no noise, just silence. I was walking on the side walk when I saw a flame and smoke rising from it in the distance. I started running toward it, breathing so hard it felt like my lungs were about to collaspe. As I ran I saw my brother, burning in the middle of flame. Screaming, crying, yelling. My mother was off to the side, crying, wanting to hold her child once more. 1
My father died when I was 12, and I have been none to be a dark person, but who ever was commiting this hate was going to parish.2
My mother ran toward the flame but it went out before she got to it. Ashes blew away. My brother's life was gone. 3
I walked over to my mother, she was crying so hard rivers looked like streams. All of the sudden she burst into flames. I heard laughter from far away. I turned toward the snickering. Black figures with red eyes in the distance laughed hysterically as this happened. Was this a dream? Was this really happening to me? Why is this happening to me? What did I do?4
I call my grandparents. No one answered. I called my friends. No one was there. I looked at the the demons and the flew toward me, shrieking so loud I couldn't hear my thoughts. I started to run, I ran to the closest place that would could find hope. Church. But the doors were looked. I was cornered. 5
Three demons, each one with different features. One was tall and very slick. The other one was chubby and one of his eyes were gone. And the last one had sharp teeth, with piercing red eyes. I could tell he was the leader. 6
I was still cornered. The one with the sharp teeth came toward me, showing his bloody fangs. I closed my eyes, waiting for his bite but then his breathing disappeared. I heard an annoying sound coming from a white wall. I opened my eyes and saw my alarm clock. It read 6:28am. I was awake.. It was all a dream...7
... Or was it?8
Author notes
This really happened in my nightmare. I have something more frightning that a vampire or werewolf. Your whole family dying in flames is worse than having a ghost come after you. The demons were something that I added for suspense. But I did have my family burst into flames. Picture your family doing that and you'll agree it's scarier than everything else you could've imagined...
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Yeah, this is pretty freaky but I've had worse dreams than this... really worse. I won't go into it in a comment though. Nice job, the structure and grammar didn't suck like you said, they seemed fine to me.
-Spit It Out
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That was good and the content of your story was quite well done, the concept was nice. However, you really need to reformat this. The flow was off, and the story all over the place. Also maybe introduce full paragraphs, not just what you have done, to make it easier to read.
Just a few improvements.
xx Delta -
damn, that was freeaaky, i did as you said and pictured it as my family.....i cant imagine that, i'm so glad it was just a dream.......
sweetdemise
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i am actually glad it was a dream . . . it was very scary. i cannot imagine seeing my family burst into flames like that. great story, and thanx for entering.
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This was freaky. It kinda shocked me and i was like ohhh fuck that! im glad it was only a dream...
theres quite a few spelling errors, but i think the overall effect was scary. good work
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