Thoughts

"Love wasn't made to be one sided and yet still it is." 1

I looked at my girlfriend Jessie as she made her speech about how I didn't love her.2

"You don't want to kiss me, or even hug me. I haven't even had sex with you yet and it feels like it'll never happen."3

Her bright blue eyes started to tear up at the thought of me not wanting anything intimate with her. I reached out to touch her face but she turned away.4

"Jessie.."5

I couldn't get ahold of what I wanted to say. I couldn't make it all better by saying the things she wanted to hear. I wanted to hug her, but it was true. Everytime we kissed, I didn't get that spark, when we were close I didn't do much else than just hold her. I thought I was being a good boyfriend, because I would listen to her wants and needs. I liked to listen to her, and I knew I wasn't a physical person.6

"No, just don't Michael."7

I bit my lip alittle as I tried to search for something to calm her down.8

"Jessie, I can't help that I'm just not a physical person...I'm not ready to get too touchy-"9

"It's been 2 years Michael!"10

She turned her eyes were now flashing from blue to a deep green. She was extremely upset.11

"I thought you were being respectful and cute, but it doesn't seem like that anymore. I can't handle this!"12

She brushed through her black hair, that I often played with. I loved the smell of it, and it was one of the reasons I loved her. She stood up, grasping her keys from the bed.13

"Jessie please."14

I took her hand in mine, playing my thumb over the back of it. I wanted her to stay, I would hold her until she didn't feel so horrible. I felt like my heart was breaking by just watching her.15

"No, Michael. Not again, I can't have you playing games with me. I want all of you, or nothing at all."16

She jerked her hand away, I felt as if all the air had been sucked out of me. I clinched my jaw shut, and tried to keep all the feelings I had inside of me. I loved her, but not enough it seemed. She turned, walking out of my room and slamming the door in my face. I looked down at my hands, I could still feel her hand in mine as I tried to keep her here. She wouldn't stay and I couldn't make her anymore. It seemed that this relationship was over.17

___________________________________________________________________18

It was the first day of my junior year of highschool, and how glad I was to be going to one of the top schools in the country. I stood at my locker sort of thinking about the classes I would be taking, when James bumped my arm. 19

"Hey man."20

I gave him a sideways glance, then I looked down at my schedule. 'English' it was my first class and I'd have Mr. Mudica. He was supposed to be one of the toughest teachers, but I was sure that he wouldn't be half as bad as what people said.21

"So, Michael did you see how good Jessie is looking this year?"22

I nodded, because Jessie and I had been friends since we were in middle school. There wasn't any attraction between us really. She was very pretty, but I didn't see the appeal that James had for her.23

He bumped my arm again.24

"Look she's coming by."25

I turned to be struck hard by Jessie's looks, somehow it seemed like the summer had changed her completely. The chubbiness she had was gone and in it's place was a figure. Her hair was the color of wheat and her eyes were that crystal blue that I remembered. She smiled over at me, and waved.26

I raised my hand like a robot and did the same. One of the girls that she was walking with, now that I noticed her bumped her arm and they started giggling as they passed completely.27

"wooo.."28

James was whistling, I turned to look at him and he seemed rather sure of what I was thinking. The only thing I had etched on my face was shock.29

"Man, Michael I had no idea that you and Jessie had something..."30

I waved my hands out infront of me.31

"Oh, no Jessie and I?"32

I laughed nervously.33

"There isn't anything there, we're like siblings. Sure she's pretty man, but I don't think her and I would work out."34

James leaned up against the locker and raised an eyebrow at me.35

"You sure?"36

I nodded.37

"Then you wouldn't mind if I tried to get a date with her?"38

I smiled.39

"By all means, do what you please."40

I shut my locker then and turned heading off to Mr. Mudica's class. It was going to be one of those days, and I knew that James didn't change his mind easily. Even though I gave him the okay to go after Jessie. I felt like he would still be pushing my buttons to see if I felt more than what I was letting on.41