I entered the building and began to search for my locker. I had recieved my number and combination in the mail a few weeks earlier. I searched the locker and quickly realized that I would not be able to do this on my own. I was going to have to ask one of the preppies for help. Oh, what fun. I looked around and saw a red haired girl drinking water at a nearby fountain. She looked nice enough. She was dressed casual in jeans and a tank top.1
"Ummm, excuse me. My name is Emily Anderson. I just transferred here and I was wondering if you could help me find my locker."2
"Well sure mate, I'll help you find your locker." She said to me in a strong Australian accent. I told her the locker number and she led the way. After a two minute walk we finally made it. I said thanks to the girl. She smiled nicely and turned to the girl who had the locker next to mine and said,3
"Hey Joy, we have a new student. Her name is Emily." Joy smiled brightly at me. She was very pretty. She was 5'7, supermodel thin, and had carmel colored skin.4
"Emily Anderson meet Joy Tavish, oh and forgive me, my name is Katerina O'Hara." the red haired girl said. They asked me what year I was. I told them I was a junior and so were they.5
"You know, honestly I expected everyone here to be stuck-up and bratty. Its funny that the first people I meet are nice like you guys." 6
"Don't get to comfortable. Their are a lot of mean people here like that. Their is a specific group you should look for, they are the so-called It-Girls of HCC. If you are not apart of their clique then you are what they call a wannabe. Their are only three of them to be exact, so with the exception of their boyfriends the entire student population are wannabes." Joy said. We began to walkt to home room.7
"Who are these girls?" I asked curiously. Katerina winked at me and then said,8
"Oh trust me, you'll know them when you see them."
Please be honest and tell me what you think.
Comments
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mystery!! all in all i liked it. buuut (the ineitable but lol) i think the dialog seems a little stilted. think about where you want things to go...her relationship with these girls, her objectives, etc and try to incorporate that. right now it feels just a little mundane.
haha ok thats kind of harsh. maybe not mundane, but i juswt feel like it could have a little more punch, you know?
anyway overall i liked it a lot and enjoyed reading it. can't wait for more!! (=

