In my opinion, there was a pencil thin line between being perfectly angelic and being Satan's favorite minion. I wasn't quite sure on which side of that line I belonged. But I was about to find out.
Author notes
Okay! This is only three lines of the beginning of a story, it's for a cool contest. [Not sucking up!] Um...yeah. I tried to suck you in...did it work? Um, yeah the title! There's a song that goes 'the first cut is the deepest' and I didn't feel like having a boring title....so I put the first line is the deepest! Which is, a lot of the time, true!
Thanks for reading, and wish me luck!
A contest entry
- First Lines! by Bitter Irony.
200 points, ended November 30, 2007, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - First Lines by werner1221.
145 points, ended December 24, 2007, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think of it? Please! lol!
Comments
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1st off, lol im not trying to be mean but i dont like the title. at all. hahahaha.
but you might still place in this contest. you did a wonderful job. the 1st two lines were amazing. but like other pieces i read, was killed with the 3rd cliche line. its like you tried a little too hard.
anyways you did a goobjob and i comend the effort
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thx for entering -
Nice idea; see if you can cut some words here and there to make it more streamlined. For example, "There's a fine line between..." is more concise and readily understood than "Sometimes the line...is a very thin one." It places the most important part of the sentence where the reader will notice it.
I'd certainly like to read more of this story! Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!
~Bitter Irony -
Woah. Wow. Seriously. This is a great two lines, and a perfect way to start a story. If you did, with this line, ANY reader would be immediately hooked.
And I LOVE the title.
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