"Just watching you smile makes me sick. I hate the way you always make goo-goo eyes at me. Just go away. I don't love you, Okay!"
A contest entry
- First Lines! by Bitter Irony.
200 points, ended November 30, 2007, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Don't you wish you could say this sort of thing every time you felt it? :-)
Cut the very last line of this paragraph--"the outburst made me feel guilty." It's too obvious and a bit of a tension breaker.
A comma goes after "you" and before "okay."
Otherwise, nice entry. It'd be interesting to see where this story goes.
~Bitter Irony -
Good line
It captures the readers attention.
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You nailed it! Who hasn't been in a situation like this before?
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