“So, how old are ya, anyway?” Candy jumped as she started out of the stock room, now dressed in a uniform which consisted only of a short black skirt and a white blouse. Marcia, a time-worn woman with dark brown hair, stood outside the door waiting for her. Candy was a bit taken aback by the question. She didn’t know what would happen if she told anyone that she had just turned 16 two Saturday’s ago. Candy hoped that the older woman with the deep creases in her sallow face hadn’t noticed the hesitation in her voice when she answered, “Well, I just turned eighteen right about two weeks ago.” Before including, for added certainty, “Why? There a problem with that?”1
Candy could feel Marcia’s small brown, watery eyes examining her face. She seemed to be scrutinizing Candy for any tell-tale signs of a lie. Candy hated the idea of lying, but she had a feeling deep inside the pit of her stomach that told her if she said the truth, she would be out of a job before she even started. “No. No problem a t’all,” replied Marcia in a long drawn out manner that some people have when they seem to be looking for a way to prove you wrong. “Ya just seem kinda young is all.” With that, Candy took a deep breath, and with a confidence she didn’t feel, looked Marcia dead in the eyes and said, “So, you gonna show me what I need to do ‘round here?”2
Marcia half-smirked, still eying Candy suspiciously, turned away and called over her shoulder, “Well c’mon kiddo. Ya got a lot to learn if yer plannin’ on workin’ ‘round here.” Candy could hardly suppress her amusement, but she made sure not to let Marcia see the grin on her face. Marcia came across as a bit gruff, which seemed at such opposition to her tiny and slight bent frame. She couldn’t have been any older than 40 or so, yet she looked like a woman who had lived through some rough times. The lines on her face much deeper than they should be on a woman her age. The dark pockets beneath her eyes, so obvious, no matter how much make up she appeared to use to try to hide them. Yes, Candy thought, Marcia might have been a bit of a looker some years back. Now, however, she looked like a woman that had seen the dark end of the tunnel and never did find her way back to the light. Candy suddenly felt sorry for Marcia and hoped that, in time, Marcia could come to like her. Candy knew one thing for certain, though, she would never end up like Marcia. This job was just a way for her to get a foothold on the future she believed she would have someday. A future that held none of the pain of the past. 3
Candy had no intentions of working in a diner for the rest of her life. She would do this for now, just something temporary till she could get on her feet. Really, she didn’t know what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. All she knew was that she had a head full of dreams that were just waiting for her to follow them. But for now, she would take this opportunity to earn some much needed cash to get her started on her way. No, working in a diner was certainly not some great accomplishment, but things could only look up for her now. After all, Candy figured, things certainly could never be any worse than they had been. 4
For a moment, she thought of her mother, wondered what she might be doing right now. She could just see her sitting there at the kitchen table in her old home. No doubt, she was in the company of her latest boyfriend, Jack. They would probably be doing what they always did on Saturday nights. A bottle of whiskey on the table between them, radio playing, the cigarette smoke so thick you could barely see through it. The night would start out with laughter and Jack smacking Fanny on the ass as she passed by to get another pack of cigarettes off the counter. But, just like most nights, this one would probably end with another big fight. Maybe Fanny would bump Jack’s shot glass and spill some of his precious booze on the table. Maybe Jack would miss the ashtray with his cigarette and burn a new hole in the always dirty plastic tablecloth. It could be any number of alcohol-induced incidents, but there was always the same result. The screaming would begin. Jack might grab Fanny by her stringy blond hair and push her into the corner, spitting curses just inches from her face. Or Fanny might throw her glass at Jack in a fit of anger. Then out of nowhere, they would end up groping each other and tearing at each other’s clothes like wild animals. As if the violence they engaged in was some sort of prelude to another, more primal, act between them. 5
Whatever it was they were doing, Candy felt pretty certain that her mother was not sitting around mourning her leaving. Hell, Candy thought, maybe she hasn’t even noticed yet that I’m gone. Sometimes, when Fanny would be drinking, she could forget almost anything. Or maybe that was why Fanny drank…to forget. Fanny never gave a damn about Candy, that was for sure. Candy knew that Fanny would have just as soon forgotten she ever had a child. Over the years, she heard Fanny say repeatedly just how Candy had ruined her life. “If I ain’t never had no baby, I sure wouldn’t be stuck here in this hick town wit’ no money, no man and no life. If you hadn’t ever come along, I’d have gotten out o’ this place a damn long time ago. You ain’t never been nothing but trouble. Having you didn’t do nothin’ but ruin my life.” There was never any doubt about how Fanny felt about Candy. Maybe that is why she didn’t care what all those men did to her. Maybe Fanny felt it was Candy’s punishment for ruining her life. Guess all the reason’s “why” don’t really matter anyway. Candy had survived this far and was bound and determined to never be like Fanny. Never.6
“HEY! Ya listenin’ ta me, girlie?” Candy heard Marcia’s grating voice cut deep into her thoughts. “Oh, yeah…yes, I’m listenin’, sorry ‘bout that. Just kinda daydreamin’ for a moment.” Candy giggled. Marcia’s lips pursed tightly before she said, “Well, ‘round here, Missy, we ain’t got no time to be doin’ none of that there daydreamin’, ya hear? I don’t be ‘spectin’ ta be doin’ yer work fer ya, ya understand what I’m sayin’?” Candy could feel her face flush with embarrassment and guilt. This was not going to be so easy. Marcia was making it more than clear that she had a problem with Candy right off the bat. But Candy was not going to let it get to her, she decided. She just needed to make sure she listened to Marcia and learned the ropes. Candy knew that she could make good tips in a place like this if she worked hard and was real friendly-like to the customers. And right now, that was Candy’s first concern. She needed to make some money so that she really could begin living the good life. At least, the good life she had pictured in her mind. The one she had dreamed of so many nights when she would lie there in her bed, long after one of the predators had left her there covered in their filth. She would imagine what it would be like to live in a fancy house and wear some of those clothes like she had seen on the movie stars. Candy dreamed of eating in the finest restaurants with a rich, handsome man on her arm. A man that treated her like a lady and not just something to be chewed up and spit out. 7
Someday, Candy just knew she would have it all. She had to. She just had to. But tonight, she needed to work as hard as she could to be the best damn waitress this little greasy spoon had ever seen. No matter what Marcia would dish out, Candy could take it. Candy would prove to her, and to everyone, that she was more than just some dumb kid who couldn’t make it. Candy had what it took. She’d show that Marcia. She’d show them all in time. 8
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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uh oh...guess i really ought to finish up part three and get it posted...lol...i have it...just not totally completed.
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Just checked to see if part 3 was up
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very good
Part two definitely as good as part one. Your character has real drive but I am wondering how she is going to fare while everyone around her she is looking down on as being defeated by life.
Looking forward to part three.
thanks,
John -
Sh&t lol Now I gotta scramble for part 3.. Tell me there is a PART THREE Starts to get manic..
.. Catressa
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"Then out of nowhere, they would end up groping each other and tearing at each other’s clothes like wild animals." hehehe.
I think this second part is even better than part 1. (didn't know Candy was only 16. I pictured her older) Like the attention to the details, the dialogue.
Only got one little nitpicky thing here in this line...."All she knew was that she had a head full of dreams that were just waiting for her to follow them." I think it would read better if you took out them, reading....full of dreams that were just waiting for her to follow.
Anyways looking forward to part 3.
Desiree
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That was amazing! You are so talented....please tell me theres more to this story. Peace&love
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You know, now I'm really looking forward to this series continuing.
I really want to see where Candy ends up, if she makes it, if she falls back behind again. Once again, another great chapter...keep this one going!
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You really got into Candy's mind and showed her determination to do better and get out of the hole she has been in. Naive and showing such a strong front in spite of all that has happened to her. This story holds one's attention from the beginning to the end. Good Jobber!!! HUGS, sharon
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i really can only say that i totally agree with Poetic Escape... and there is not much more that i could add to that... its good and i like where your characters are and where they are looking like they are going.... keep it up and don't let it stop or it just might stop for too long and then never come back.
mark -
Yeah....YOU GO CANDY....show 'em ALL!!.
Now you've got me waiting for a part 3.
You've got the ball rolling on this one girl.
Keep it up.
Thank you for sharing.
Rodney -
This is such a great story I really want to see what happens to Candy and finds out what happens I hate hanging on like this lol. I love your discriptions and damn I just the whole story, descriptions, plot everything. Wonderful write you are very talented.... of course one thing I saw mentioned above about the whisky you could use a brand name instead of just whisky like "jack daniels" or whatever help to make the picture complete and same with ciggerettes you could use camel or marbs or whatever made ya happy just an idea though. Great write and keep writting I can't wait to see what happens
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INSTANT feedback...(thoughts AS read...for your amusement
only...lol)
"short black skirt and a white blouse"
I'm starting to like this girl already...
"she would be out of a job before she even started."
WHY does she need this job...is she pregnant????
"she looked like a woman that had seen the dark end of the tunnel and never did find her way back to the light."
Hey...I know this girl...
"Candy knew one thing for certain, though, she would never end up like Marcia."
Her age IS showing...she obviously don't understand how real life works and is still in that fantasy of childhood...shit happens...like it or not...and all we can do is deal with it when it does (and it will)....
"...she thought of her mother...in the company of her latest boyfriend, Jack."
Ahhh...the old broken home plot again. Will it be the old
it's all THEIR fault or will some some responsibility develope
here...hmmmm...must read on and see...
"A bottle of whiskey "
Is this the Jack (Daniels) or are there two of them...hmmmm
Maybe Jack is CREATING another Jack in head ???
"stuck here in this hick town wit’ no money"
Ahhh...the old have pity for me element...I could'd been
a contender...
"Candy had survived this far and was bound and determined to never be like Fanny. Never."
Never say never...it's likely setting you up for a fall...
"making it more than clear that she had a problem with Candy right off the bat"
Any confrontation becomes a problem with me in youth. Working
IS part of the requirement of a job...her youth is showing again...(which it should, being 16)
"But Candy was not going to let it get to her, she decided."
By predetermining, you automaticly set yourself up for a fall,
for tho not conscious, you will do things unconsciously to trip
yourself up because at that age you can't fully believe in yourself and your capabilites...
"was real friendly-like to the customers."
And the fakeness continues...use em to get more...
"not just something to be chewed up and spit out"
Past will be thrown on future. Good men will be passed over
due to predetermined mindsets. Rich will overtake any thought
of good or gentle or loving, for those can't buy you THINGS
which is what most think of, when they think of a "good life"
(False thoughts lead to false fulfillments)...and then we wonder WHY people are unhappy huh...doh...
"She’d show them all in time."
This is a perfect example of doing not for you, but for others. If she saw where it was the happiness really came from
she wouldn't have to go through what she is about to in the first place. She is following the same path, that millions of others have followed and will end up in the same state of unhappiness that they are. It is only by seeing and knowing what is needed and not "wanted" then one will reach success in
the end, and success isn't measured by money or things, but by
peace of mind and that can only come from within, never from without. For material only leads to want of even more, a neverending chain of selfdestrucion...
I bet every writer would really love to have instant feedback on there stuff, what the person is thinking AS THEY READ IT.
This would show them if the person is following the line of thought in which they are seeking to take them or if something is distracting them and they need to change choice of words or maybe the wording to achieve what it is they desire.
I now feel like I do when I attempt to watch a miniseries.
I NEVER do see all the parts, life being what it is, so I never began watching them in the first place.
I guess I'll wait till this series is all done and then read
the whole thing, else I'll just have to reread those I have read, my memory being what it is these days....lol
Hugs...Eddy
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Well Done!
Now this was one Hell of a great write my dear friend, and I must say, you have skills to pen such a captivating story!
You had my attention, and kept it the whole way through...and you're really good with painting pictures with words, kinda like I was there watching a movie.... Great Job once again!
Thanks for sharing, and this Candy reminds me of a true fighter, trying to make it in this world that can be so tough.
Keep up the great writes, and I hope to read ya around here again soon...
Much love my friend!
-Timothy The Poetic Weaver~
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excellent write
UB1 [UB1? IB1 too! SORRY! I can't control myself]! I am really enjoying your serial here about Candy! Heck, you could be talking about me except my names not Candy, and I'm not a girl, and I never worked in a diner, lol! But, I feel the sadness and the angst and the ANGER in this, it reflects much of my life and others I know as well. Except, in my case, I had loving parents, but it was the poverty, the poverty I always was trying to escape. Never did quite do it, although I am much better off now than when I was a young man. But anyways, your story of the mistreated child Candy is scoring points with me and you are doing an excellent job on it, I can't wait to read the next episode [yes, I did read the first one as well].
In fact, you have inspired me, and I am taking pen in hand and writing a new short story this very night, look for it on your local newsstand soon, lol!
Great job, girl...
Brazos -
This was an awesome piece of work. I want to read more. i love the voice in this work, i havent read part one, but i think i will have to do that now. the picture you paint of her life before is a sad one, but you draw a good picture. rock on, keep writing!
~malissa~ -
very good and well done I like this
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Dang! My phone rang and I had to answer it and now I have to step out for a bit but I will return. I am s-o-o-o looking forward to reading this... you have me hooked on this story. I shall return!!! I'll applaud now, because I am so certain I would anyway and I don't want to have wasted your points since I can't give this the time it deserves right now.
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In the first paragraph I like how the voices stand out again. Especially the accents of Candy, its very evident. Also the description is there aswell, of MArcia.
In the Second Paragraph, maybe, have "if she told her the truth." You also give a lot of personality to them both, also with Candy... You can relate to her with the confidence thing.
Third, "How much make up she used to try AND hide them" maybe? Excellent, I love the way how you introduce Marcia bit by bit, and that Candy and her have some kind of bond already even though she doesn't see it.
Even in the fourth paragraph the character of candy is going very strong. She has some hidden stregnth by the looks of things.
Great fith paragraph, again, good imagery helped along with the descrptions of jack and her mother.
The sixth paragraph really makes the reader feel towards Candy, not only witht he things that have happened to her, but with the way she was even treated by her mother. Mothers are meant to watch out for their kids, but nothing like that here. Bravo!
I love the way you end this one, just the same way as part one. I think you have done a fantastic job with the second part, there was a nice even tone and language used throughout the whole piece. I also like how easy it was to switch from Candys memories to where she originally is. Enjoyed it very much, now get cracking with part 3.
Natalia
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