Violet's Tale

The sun was higher in the sky than it had been all day. Birds were nesting in their trees mostly, but the odd mother would swoop through the sky for food. The brook was pattering through the field, and two youths were running down its path. Not a care in the world, nor any reason to have one, they ran. They ran and ran and ran, laughing. Her name was Violet, his was William, a pair who were as great friends as you could find. As they ran, the world seemed more beautiful than they could imagine to them, and so it seemed to those who watched the two play as they were doing at that moment. After they had reached the end of the clear brook and had caught up to the rocky surfaces, Violet knelt on the grassy floor and watched the water.
"William! Come, look at this! Isn't it amazing?"
"Yes, it is," he replied to her. "But it was so yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Does anything not impress you?" She laughed at him. He was only teasing her, for it was true, everything either impressed her or disgusted her, more than likely the first of the two. They sat by each other. William was much taller than Violet, and rightly should have been being several years older, and therefore lay on his back, staring up at the sky. Violet was intrigued, and did the same.
"Wow! Look at that cloud, William! It is shaped so peculiarly."
"I hadn't noticed it a bit. You're right though." She always was, he thought. Violet then abruptedly stood up and started to run again.
"Come on, William. Catch me!" William sighed slightly, tired of the same game of tag, but glad because he was always faster.
"You never do win, why do you try?" he asked her as he began to run.
"There's always a first for everything!" Violet screamed in delight as she ran, the soft grass brushing her ankles. William couldn't help but laugh to as he gained on her track. She knew he was close to her, and suddenly ran faster than she ever had before. She's been practising, he though to himself, picking up his pace as well. But she was younger, more spry, and she also more often than not won at something she tried her hardest at. They laughed again, almost thinking each other's thoughts. Then she turned course. Violet made a sharp turn to her left, knowing William wasn't at all agile, he could barely keep walking on such a sharp corner. She kept running and running, back towards the brok edge. William slowed down. She was running faster. She was heading for the rocks!
"Violet, don't!" She stopped as quickly as she had started. Only inches away from the water's edge, she smiled.
"You didn't think I'd run into it, did you?" She read his thoughts as clearly as they were in his head. William frowned, then walked up to her.
"You shouldn't do that, your mother will blame me for not looking after you."
"As if I of all people would get into any trouble." She feigned tripping into the brook, laughing again.
"Stop that!"
"Make me," Violet said, poking her tongue out at him. William clenched his fists, slightly angry that she was mocking him.
"I said stop it!"
"And I said make me!" William couldn't help it. His hands moved from a clenched position. He only did it ever so slightly, he had barely touched her. But she fell. Her face was frozen, her expression unreadable. William grabbed for her wrist, but it was too late. She fell, and there was nothing he could do about it.1

Violet lay in her bed, the nurse sitting next to her with a cloth in her hand. A week had gone by, yet no sign of conciousness had been found in her. Her mother could not bear to be by her side 24/7, but she visisted every day. William hadn't been to the house for a week, petrified of the idea of meeting the mother of a friend he had almost killed. Why?, he thought. Why did I get so angry? Why did he put out his hands? Why did he ruin the life of his friend, his best friend, his soul-mate? He hadn't meant to, so why? Questions ran through his mind, and this is what occupied him for the week. Nothing could move him. His starvation didn't move him. His need for company didn't move him. Nor the news that his friend had awoken.2

Violet awoke, her eyes opening slowly. The nurse called through the family, shouting through the hall that she had awoken. Violet didn't speak, or make any contact with anyone for a moment. Her mother was the first to speak.
"Are you okay, darling? You had a nasty fall," she said in barely a whisper. Violet stared blankly at her.
"Do you need something to drink?"
"Are you hungry?"
"Do you want a blanket?"
Questions were thrown at her, but she did not understand what they meant. There was only one need on her mind.
"Where am I?"

A contest entry

I've been planning this story for ages, tell me what you think

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Comments


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    December 3, 2007

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    I have to be honest and tell you that I could't read the rest of your story. It is just clumped together and is difficult to differentiate the dialogue from the paragraphs and takes away from the story. It doesn't make it enjoyable for me. I'm sorry for being a stickler but I put the rules up in order for everyone to get a fighting chance but you didn't stick to proper paragraphs. As a writer, you should try to allow your readers to get the most out of your story by providing a proper story structure.

    Thank you for entering my short short contest.


  • Ninja Bubble
    November 14, 2007
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    ooh this is a good chapter 1/prolouge and I say.... Keep it goin!!


  • Surreal Rhapsody
    November 11, 2007

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    Oh, wow, That was really good!!! Awesome job expressing the bond that they had! It was so sad when he pushed her. It really surprised me!I cant wait to read on! Your story was awesome, Good luck on the contest, it was an honer to have you!