Once upon a time there was a shy, but sweet girl named Nicole, She was going to her usual place, Pollace Forest, where she went with her friends for a week.1
Amanda, one of the friends was known as lovely and irresistible. She could point to a boy and they'd fall for her in a heart beat.2
One boy, Johnny, was sweet and quiet and a victim of Amanda's spell and charm. He worshipped her, buying her lovely gifts and romantic smiles. He gazed upon her with a sweet smirk.3
Sharon, beautiful and king was a friend to all, she was fair and special.4
Christine and Samantha, twins and athletes were kind and noble. They had a cousin, Joe who was charming and funny, his macho looks appealed to every girl of the land. He came to the forest one special day, the same day as all the friends.5
Joe gazed upon Amanda's hair that flustered in sweet breeze. His oval eyes suddenly turned into a heart shape. "Wow!" he thought. Love at first site. Magic filled the soft air. He noticed her and began to sing. He used animals, such as crappy sue to replace how he felt inside. Sharon spoke to him, speaking understanding words and came to the conclusion that Joe likes Amanda.6
Word spread across Pollaces. He chased after her. He suddenly stopped his merriment, "No! No! I may not continue on with this non-sense! Amanda is and forever belongs to the heart of Johnny, a noble and loving boy!" Joe no longer felt for Amanda.7
One evening Joe noticed but another sweet soul, Nicole. Her eyes twinkled and could match the stars in the sky. "Who is that girl? The girl who's radiant beauty controls me?" Joe whispered to Amanda.8
"Nicole. I see you have now caught your eye on her." she said.9
"Perhaps yes. I want to speak to her."10
"Want me to speak to her for you?" Amanda asked.11
"No I shall befriend her first." He went up to Nicole, "Hello, I'm Joe." he said, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"12
She stared shyly at hi, "Sure! I'm Nicole."13
They talked, Nicole began to make Joe chuckle. They became friends.14
The next day everyone whispered secrets to one another. Nicole was confused as she twirled around the places looking for answers. Christine giggled, "You'd be so surprised about the latest gossip going around."15
"Yes?!" Nicole asked, "What?!"16
"Well, Joe likes you. You've stolen his heart!" Samantha exclaimed, "Many girls faint when he passe, but he may faint because of you!" The twins went away.17
Nicole was shocked, she decided to ignore him.18
Suddenly they talked, "Why? Why don't you except my love?" Joe wondered.19
"You still gaze upon Amanda!"20
"No, I'm over her. She was nothing to me." He tried to convince her of his love, but it was useless. Deep down she liked him, but was scared. She longed for the love Johnny gave Amanda, she longed for the affection Joe was willing to give her, but was afraid to receive.21
A long and eventful week had ended, their ongoing battle between 'is his love truthful or not' went on, but it was too late to fall in love. It was time to say goodbye, but feel the regret of never falling in love. But next year at Pollaces may bring magical things for Joe and Nicole.22
Author notes
A short love story.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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hi im nikkilikewhoah, you made a comment on my poem "im like a bird, ill fly away" i decided to look at your page. my real name is nikki (nicole) and i thought it was funny that im just like the character nicole in your story. i love romance but im scared of it. eneyway i wanted to know more about that group..so please write back and just to let you know, there will be more poems about that same person on my page soon.
<3 always, Nikki
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awwww this is cute
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It is beautifully written, like a fairy tale, but I would like to hear more.
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good
nice and long. u can tell most of it made up. it's a nice fairy-tale -
I want to thank you for commenting. You were the only one who said soemthing nice. Well, Pollaces is a resort that I got to every year the same week and have fun. The same people go every year, Johnny, Joe, Christine and Samantha(and more.) I think understand the confusion now, you sadi it, but said it nice. Thank you. The other person was pointless to tell me all my errors, i'll change them, but the "blonde" person was pretty rude I think. Pollaces is like a summer camp alittle. ttyl
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I know your being sarcastic, but thank you for no longer reading my work, your comments aren't needed here. You don't have to applaud, but you don't have to put down my either.
~Goodbye~4eva~hopefully~ -
i think this is sweet and as the poet above i noticed a few spelling errors, but such is writing lol
i think that the characters were only confusing as they were mentioned but not expanded upon in the piece, however u did expand upon Nicole, Joe and Amanda and a short story really only requires two-four characters.
Maybe more imagery to explain the scenery, as it is important to feel a connection with the scene. otherwise i think uve done a sweet little piece...
BTW is this about a sumemr camp??? that was my impression kinda thing
Keep writing
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I found the first sentence to be somewhat confusing. Did you mean her usual 'holiday' place?
I presume that the boy that Amanda points at is actually looking at her when she points? lol
Where exactly can you buy romantic smiles and what are they? (Johnny) I know Hershey?? does kisses. Perhaps you should consider your transatlantic kin when writing and clarify for us.
D is very close to g so I presume 'king' was a typo and was meant to be 'kind'
I think you missed a comma after Joe, so easy to do isn't it?
In Uk 'girl of the land' would invoke memories of landgirls, women who worked on farms during World war 2. lol
by flustered, did you mean fluttered? People get flustered.
Sight is not spelt site, sorry. Love at first site! wonderful slip!
what is a 'crappy sue', sorry, just the US/UK divide again I'm sure.
The term 'Joe likes Amanda' was a tense change (because of 'came to the' - past tense)
Joe liked Amanda would suffice there.
nonsense is one word
'is and forever belongs to' I am sorry to say, is an awkward coupling to swallow. You might consider a revision.
wahahah, sweet. The line 'caught your eye on her' is very suggestive of actual physical eye-watering contact! Nicely done!
Another typo, your 't' didn't take in 'shyly at hi'
I think you mean 'accept' in the phrase '..you except my love..'
this was nice enough but one ended up a bit dazed with all the staccato interaction. It would be wise when writing to assume that the reader knows nothing and clarify whenever possible. There are a lot of good grammar useages here, but it needs refining and focussing. Good luck
I notice your somewhat petulant reply to Blondeoverblue. Saying duh! to someone in an open forum is insulting.
I found her comments to be very mild and valid. It wasn't horrible and she didn't say bad things. Sometimes an author cannot see flaws in their own work because they are too close to it. Their mind supplies what is missing. You know the characters, we don't. You know the world you write of, we don't. It is your duty when showing work to explain, not ours to ask for elucidation. If you heed our advice, your work will improve enormously. Do you tell your teachers when they point out errors that your work is 'too advanced' for them? I think not, or you must spend an awful amount of time in detention for your presumption.
Again, good luck
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Not to worry I won't be passing this way again.
I have one more suggestion for you however, as your work is obviously perfect already, don't ask for comments in the future. Only 13 and an expert already, who'd have guessed. -
Duh it's about my friends. Did I ever say it wasn't? There are about 5 characters, so where is the confusion? For a short story you don't need much distcription. I think your comment was out of line and horrible. Maybe my writing is to advanced and over your head for you. So before you say bad things take into mind that soem people have good talent and can write a story about deep emotions, so if you don;t like my writing style don;t read them.
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I'm not sure if this is based on your own experiences and is about your actual friends, but it's a little confusing with all the names that don't really have enough description to stick in the readers mind. Thank you for sharing.
Kat xxx
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