Neoma (Intro)

Under the darkness of the new moon, the slaves of Cot danced. The shabby things the overseers had called homes were abandoned; everyone was outside. A group of men waved whatever they could find in the air, hollering and throwing it into the burning houses of the overseers.1

With a silent flapping of wings, a lone bat flew from the Master’s house and disappeared for a fraction of a second behind a tree. A tall, thin girl around seventeen stepped from behind the tree. She had ferocious green eyes, and shoulder length-black hair. Her face was thin and flawless and her skin was very pale, almost white. She wore a black/brown peasant corset dress, like the other women around Cot.2

The girl wiped her mouth on her sleeve before joining the crowd. She approached the man in charge of the plan, and spoke in a low whisper, “The Master is dead.”3

“The one who has kept us against our will is now at the gates of Hell!” The man cried to the crowd.4

The girl slipped off to the edge of the crowd, dwindling on the new feeling of being free. After a few minutes, a light tap on her shoulder startled her. Turning around, she saw a ruffled dirty-blond man around nineteen with gray-blue eyes. He was laughing at the yells of the overseers in their burning homes. She followed his gaze to the house she just exited. The Master’s home was up in flames, the dazzling light dancing across everyone’s eyes. They were free.

Author notes

Whoosh! Something I thought up when I was bored. Probably will continue it.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Bitter Irony
    November 11, 2007

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    Very interesting piece! It flows well. Be careful with the adjectives, especially when describing characters personal appearance; try to show characteristics rather than listing qualities such as "gray-blue" or "dirty-blond."

    I agree with Tea3, I'd like to see where this goes. Nice work!

    ~Bitter Irony


  • not.me
    November 9, 2007
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    That's really good. You should definatly do more. Keep up the good work.