Why Am I Here

The coppery scent of blood is filling my nose. Screams permeate the air around me. I must live. I must survive. Bullets fly, my comrades are falling, their last words gasping out of their mouths, almost every one of them saying something about their mother. Cautiously, slowly sticking my head up. "RATATATATA." Machine gun bullets fly by. I can feel the closeness of them by the wind on my cheek. Crawling now, on my stomach. Must escape this hell. A man yelling at me. My seargeant. He's telling us to rally with him. Began firing. Fight for your country and they will forever remember us for our bravery. Thats bullshit. We are just another group of people out her to die just so our country can show its might. 1

Sitting now, back against the makeshift wall. A man dead at my feet. I knew him. Charles Newman. A good man. He did not deserve to be here. He had a family at home. A child. Two years old. How is his mother going to explain to him that his daddy is never coming home? War is not fair. It's not supposed to be fair, but this just is not right.2

Anger is rising within me. Cautiously I stick my head over the edge of this wall. Again I am greeted with the annoying chatter of a machine gun. Ducking my head again. I must find a way. Over there. A hole in the wall of a building. An old schoolbuilding. Why is there a hole in a schoolbuilding? War is terrible. It even ruins a chance for a good education. Many of these kids would be at school right now, but isntead they are carrying guns and fighting a mans war. 3

Running now. My feet pounding, my back hunched in an almost futile effort to keep low. Climbing through the wall. A puff of brick powder flies into my face as a bullet hits the wall. Dropping beneath the hole and catching my breath. Why am I here? What possessed me to come fight? Looking out the hole cautiously. The bullets have stopped. My entire company wiped out. Gone, except for me. Tears run down my face. Tears and a mixture of sweat. The air is stifling. Watching as the enemy walks through the dead, taking what they redeem as salvageable, and piling up the bodies for a mass burial. No, not a burial. A fire. Anger wells up again. I pull out my gun. Aiming carefully I fire. I am rewarded with a scream of anguish. A man falls to the ground writhing in pain. They all instantly crouch down, pulling up their guns. Searching. Looking. Their eyes pass over my hiding spot many times, yet they do not see me.4

Grabbing at my belt. I find what im looking for. I pull the pin and count 5 seconds. I step up to the hole and throw the grenade, landing it right in the middle of the group of people I signed up to murder.
"BOOM!"
My ears are ringing from the explosion. Faintly I hear screams and cries. Rocks are flying down from the sky. The smoke makes it impossible to see what I have done.5

I don't want to see what I have done though. I just want to get away. I want to go home. See my wife. Look into her green eyes once more. Hold her and stare at the stars. And my kids. My two young boys. It's been too long since i've seen their faces.6

Sobs are ripped from my throat. Crying, I jump out of the hole and run. I run through street after street. Everythings in ruin now. Where are these people going to live now? Their houses are gone. These people who wanted nothing to do with the war have now become homeless all because of a selfish show of who has the stronger country.7

Outside the town now. I have nowhere to go. I don't know where anyone is. Planes flying overhead. Not good planes. Enemy planes. I lay down flat in the field. They can't see me here. I crawl now, along the dirt on my belly. There is a forest over there. I just need to make it inside of the protective green.8

An hour passes and I have just made it into the woods. I lean back against a tree. It is peaceful here. This place seems untouched by the evil outside. Birds chirping. No bullets blasting. I get up and begin to walk. I hear a stream. The water babbling over the rocks sounds like heaven to me. I did not realize how parched I am until I heard the stream. There it is. I found it. Head under the water now. Freezing, ice cold water. Good water. Thirst quenched. Walking again. The woods get quiet. Thats not a good sign. No birds chirping. Nothing.
BANG!9

A gun. The tree right next to me has a hole in its bark now. Someones here. I duck down. Machine gun chatter. I crawl along the leaves that have fallen from the trees. There. I see one man. There has to be more. But I can get rid of the one right now. Aiming. Careful....Careful....now! I shoot. He falls to the ground. Not moving. It was a good shot.10

SEARING RED HOT PAIN! My leg. Burns. Hurts. I look down. Blood dripping from my leg. I can't move it. A hole. I've been shot. But from where? I can't see anyone. I lay still. Hard to do. My leg hurts so much. I look around me. No one there. Where? I look down at my leg only to see another hole rip open there.
"AHHHH!" I scream in pain. I can't hold it back anymore. Crying. Gasping in pain. Tears make my vision blurry. Like i'm looking through a fog. I see him. A sillhouette above me. I wipe my eyes. He's only a kid. Maybe 16 years old. He looks down at me. I recognize compassion in his eyes. He looks at my leg. He begans to shake. He looks in his hand at his gun. He throws it into the brush. Pulling his pack off. He opens it up. He pulls out some brandy and a ratty shirt. His english is broken. "This sting. I wrap up. It hurt."11

After that he pours some brandy on the wounds.12

I have never felt a pain so bad as that. I kick up in pain, hitting him in the chin. He grabs both legs and holds them down.13

"I sorry. I try help."14

I knew he was trying. But the pain. Oh god the pain. He takes his old shirt and wraps it tightly around my leg. Leaning down lifts me up onto his back.15

"I take to safety"16

He begans walking through the woods. It seems like hours. I pass in and out of consciousness. I began to see light. Fires. He walks into a camp. An american camp. This is suicide for him.17

"HELP!"18

Yelling. His german accent is very noticeable.
People running out of tents now. Guns raised to shoot him. They see me. They recognize me for american.
He bends over slowly and lays me down before he collapses beside me. He's tired I realize. Tired from carrying my 195 lb body for god knows how long or far.19

Carried once again. To a medic. The German kid is brought in with me. They put him in bed. The medic says I need to be shipped to a hospital. I pass out again.20


Years later and I still remember that with perfect clarity. The kid who saved me was a german. He could easily have killed me and yet he realized what I realized. War was a bad thing. After he returned me to the camp I was sent to a hospital in Scotland. After a long wait they decided they did not have to amputate. Why not? Because, in the doctors words, "The lucky bastard spilled his brandy all over it, which killed off any bacteria that might have been in there."21

I was sent home a month later. I saw my children and wife. We spent years together. My wife has died, and my children have had children. The German who saved my life though, I have no idea what happened to him. A day does not go by that I do not thank him for my life.22

*Authors Notes*23

WAR!24

Seeing as i have never been in a war (im only 18!) I hope that this is as realistic as it could be. The ending was a bit hard for me to write so i think that it is a weaker then the rest of the story. I also hope this meets the word limit for the contest it is in!

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • quicksilver moon
    August 31, 2008

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    I like how you have depicted war in this story and how the main characters thoughts were impartial. I also liked the way the enemy boy helped the guy and risked his life to get the guy to safety. A humanitarian story in the midst of war. I like it


  • KalineReine
    July 27, 2008
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    War stories are nice and this seems to be so emotional, it was a delightful read. Are you going to continue it? This was well done and the whole thing seemed pretty neutral, which is nice when writing. I don't see that very often in things. I guess because people are so opinionated? Who knows... But great job on this story anyway!


  • WolfSpiritMia
    July 27, 2008
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    Well done. And really good. Continue PLEASE


  • WolfSpiritMia
    July 27, 2008
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    That's really good!


  • Illustrate the Dead
    July 27, 2008

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    Wow. This was intense. Even without being very descriptive, it still sucked me in from the beginning. It was fast-paced and hard-hitting. Well done. That's all I can say.


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    July 16, 2008
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    Very well done. Extremely neutral until the end and still well done. Thank you for entering.


  • Reaver Greeters member
    May 20, 2008
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    BRAVO!

    This story was very powerful. Made me think of both ends of the spectrum. Both sides of a war. Very descriptive and environmentally sound. Watch when using ‘thats’, it should be ‘that’s’. In paragraph one, I think ‘her’ should be ‘here’? VERY well done! Brilliant piece of writing! LOVED it! ~D


  • Seachelle
    March 12, 2008

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    This gave me chills...Because of the German kid... But I did feel your description was weak, along with the ending.. If you would spice this up a bit more, it could definitely make it into the finalist list.. If you wouldn't mind, I would love to read a more detailed version of this idea that is revised and more emotional. This is a wonderful idea for a story, for a great novel even.. But more artistic description is needed. Writing is an art form, and if you plan on winning, you need to write like you're an artist.. Please please PLEASE do re-edit this.. I say this because I think this has the potential to be a winner, and it would be sad that it was because of grammer mistakes and lack of description... Contact me if you wish to take me up on this offer
    Ana


  • stardust3492
    February 22, 2008
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    This is a very good piece. I could feel the emotion. It seemed so realistic.


  • stardust3492
    February 22, 2008
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    This is a very good piece. I could feel the emotion. It seemed so realistic.


  • Starlight-Kisses
    February 12, 2008

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    i... wow that was excellent i'm speechless it was very well written and nicley done well good luck in my contest


  • Bacopup
    January 30, 2008

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    This is a very nice rendition of the First (or second) world war, and I think that you did in fact get the accurate perception of an American soldier. Well done.


  • Frozen Angel
    January 28, 2008

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    Wow...It's amazing. I'm speechless. Fantastic job. I wish you luck in the contest(s). Thanks so much for entering.

    *Frozen Angel*


  • happy go lucky13
    January 27, 2008
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  • happy go lucky13
    January 27, 2008
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    i would suggest changes, but i really can't think of many. but idk, keep working, good work


  • happy go lucky13
    January 27, 2008
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    nice job

  • the shorty
    January 18, 2008

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    this was very realistic. i liked the way you strung short sentences together as though we were really seeing the thoughts as they flashed through his mind.
    brilliant work. good luck in the contest!


  • caitlinstephanie
    December 20, 2007

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    great job! i really liked it!!! i am wishing you luck!! good luck and really hope you keep writing like this!
    cait


  • Mel-the-Believer
    December 4, 2007

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    I felt this was very good and you caught the emotion rather well I felt. Thank you so much for entering this contest. Good luck. God Bless!


  • CactusJack silver member
    November 26, 2007

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    Well I'm not sure what a D-list rapper has to do with this story but I liked it. Not really into war and such but this was a good read. Good luck in the contest & I hope you get more reads, this deserves it.


  • Ninja Bubble
    November 24, 2007
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    Coolio is the only thing that comes to mind


  • lostdreamer189
    November 23, 2007

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    I really enjoyed reading this! I liked the description you used throughout the story. it made it alot more realistic. great job


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    November 16, 2007
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    good concept

    There are a few gramatical errors but the story is otherwise good. I have also submitted things that, when looking back, had errors that I should have caught so don't look at it as criticism but rather help. It is great that someone 18 has a realistic grasp of the true cost of war (I'm a vet) and can turn it into a written piece. Keep writing.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • onesugar
    November 15, 2007
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    I thought you did well with this.
    very sad, portrayed the emotions of the soldier well.


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    November 11, 2007

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    Well, this was a very good story. You really kept the "Reader" peaking on the view of a soldier. You don't need to have experience in war to write about it, everyone knows war is hell. Research can help you immensely with topics you're not familiar with.

    The flow of the story is a bit..sticky. { I ran. I ducked. Machine bullets flew over me. } Things like this interupt flow. I understand that you are writing from the soldiers point of view and that these are the thoughts racing through his mind. However, the reader might not know that for sure and think..hmmm..this is lacking flow, when really it's not you're just portraying the thoughts of this soldier.

    So, smooth some of those places out with comma's and leave the rest as they are. Since you are the writer only you will know the good spots to smooth. Read it aloud, imagine the action in your head..how does it flow, does it sound as good as it was supposed to in words?

    My Mentor, Gary Alexander, taught me to read my words out loud. You'd be surprised how often our sentences may read wonderfully on paper but sound very awkward when spoken aloud.
    This is a good technique and it has helped me immensely.

    Very Good job on this! Good Luck!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • potaytee
    November 9, 2007
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    That's really good. It is sad! I liked it, you need to finish it!!!

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