The carnival was crowded and noisy, but locked in each other’s eyes we might have been alone on a mountaintop. We descended long enough for you to play a game, a manly man aiming your water rifle with precision into a clown's mouth. You selected the prize so carefully, I laughed, then nearly cried as you gently held the sweet white bunny in your hand, bright red heart on its chest. With a crooked grin, you placed it in my hand, and said, “My heart is yours.” And mine was yours, then.1
We were married the next year. Snuggle Bunny, as I called him, sat on my dresser and I smiled at him every day while I readied myself in the mirror. Reflected in his shiny black eyes, I always looked prettier.2
When you went away on your business trips, my Snuggle kept me company. I never worried about what you might be doing in those faraway cities. I had your heart right there in my arms. 3
When the dresser filled up with the clutter of our busy lives, Snuggle had to give up his spot. He sat on a bookshelf for a while. Then the books began to take over, and Snuggle Bunny was squeezed out of there, too. He got moved around a lot, sometimes forgotten in dust.4
Sometimes I still brought him to bed when you left me alone. But after some years, I found that Snuggle didn’t comfort me as he once had. I was filled with doubt. In his black eyes, I looked a bit tired and worried. What were you doing on those trips? And who was on the other end of those hang up calls that had started coming late at night?5
It got so we barely talked anymore. I began to feel lonely even when you were here. Once I put Snuggle in your office hoping he would spark some memory. But the papers piled up much too high, and one day a shoved pile knocked him clean behind the file cabinet. It was a few days before I noticed, another week before I got around to moving the furniture to retrieve him. I don’t think you ever noticed that he came or went. 6
That was when I threw him on the top shelf in my closet. I didn’t want to see my haggard face in his black eyes anymore. 7
I must have looked a mess that day you left, in my nightgown, hair askew, standing on the porch with my mouth open. I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t. I kicked myself for not sprucing up for that goodbye, maybe you would have missed me more.8
One day, after you left, I was cleaning (throwing) out your clothes and I found Snuggle for the last time. I walked him to the kitchen and cut him open right through his heart and pulled out his stuffing. I tore off his stupid ears and plucked those despicable eyes. I stepped on him, slapped him against the wall a few times, and threw him in the trash. That felt good. I didn’t want any part of him. He was tainted by your indifference. 9
I discarded what I held of your heart, as you had discarded mine. Having torn out those binding threads, I felt suddenly lighter, and my chest expanded a little more with each breath. I would be alright. Now I had my own heart to mend.
- For the Love of Writing group list • next in list
A contest entry
- anything decent less than 600 words. by Anonymous Shadow.
100 points, ended January 24, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Wow - this was so intense... (BTW, you sure showed "Snuggles", huh. lol... Just kidding, just kidding). I couldn't tell if this was creativity or reality - in any case, it was an amazing release. From the (maybe) agony of tomorrows gone by; those 'when did it all moments'. In all of the depths of this scripted pain, the emotions seem to escape - no...come rushing out with the ripped out stuffing of the stuff 'he' was made of. This is some great writing here; powerful release - the building blocks (it seems) of healing.
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Thank you! And this is definitely fiction, none of my stories are true. Although I once had a boyfriend who called me Snuggle, maybe some psychological thing happening there... oops! too much information... LOL
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I thought the end of the story was great. The part about had you known he was leaving you would have spruced up for the goodbye. But the best part was when you wrecked havoc on that poor bunny. I pictured what the bunny went thru and it kind of made me laugh. For some reason Fatal Attraction came to mind.
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Love the story sweetie.
Snuggle bunnie. I thought you were gonna boil him and start stalking the "next" chick. But I like this ending better. One.
Dez
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Thank you!
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End paragraph 1, nicely done intonation of coming change with your simple "mine was yours, then."
Third paragraph raises a tickle of warning, soothed with "I had your heart right there in my arms."
How much of the "clutter of our busy lives" displaces the valuables of together time, sharing and communicating that we couldn't manage without when we were courting or newlyweds?
Poor Snuggles became the symbol of the relationship. His pristine white newness of fresh love and red heart of passion faded, slowly devolved into an untended, unvalued dust bunny. And ultimately, a false portent of anticipated bliss, undermined by choices that did not live up to that future.
The reciprocity of hurt vividly displayed in the final paragraph, and the replacment of binding threads with mending ones.
Nice progression of the bunny from dresser to bookcase to office to closet, ever further away from daily interaction and notice.
Well done descriptions and story movement pace.
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Spirited author...spirited piece.
Poor heart of Snuggle Bunny...major player in yet another excellent piece. Metaphor works well, parable, analogy, symbol...whatever. In fact, I would even pare it a bit more...step back just a wee bit more...you don't need to hit the thing so hard (I felt the pain all the way over here!)
Anyway, this guy made one, big mistake!
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It started sweet...I said "awww" several times. And then...well, you know the rest.
This was a very nice piece! I really liked how you fit all that in such a short piece. It was very digestible and interesting.
The only thing I offer as a suggestion is maybe more description. You don't want to overload it here, but maybe describe what Snuggle Bunny looked like after years of neglect. Was his fur faded? Was there dirt caught in his fur? Maybe you could include something about what the room he sat in looked like. But again, don't overdo it - you don't want to mess with a good thing!
Wow. Nice work -
I wonder if that little toy deserved that.Great story.Time to read more.
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You know I felt pity for the abused little toy. He was the most pathetic of the three characters mentioned.
Very well done you put a whole span of time into a short piece.
It was sad that the happy young couple allowed themselves to drift away from each other. Of course since it is in the woman POV the reader is lead to believe the fault is entirely the husband’s.
You know I felt pity for the abused little toy. He was the most pathetic of the three characters mentioned. Of course his existence reflected her life—when she was happy, he was honored—when she was neglected, so was Snuggles. At last, she is deserted and the bear is destroyed, just like her marriage.
Good clear easy to follow writing.
You might want to look at these.
We descended long enough for (you play) you to play a game,
found that Snuggle didn’t comfort me as he once (did) had.
He was tainted by your indifference? I think I use a different word. Betrayal
I would be (alright.) all right
Nice job,
Geri
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Wow, the ending is so sad and powerful...I liked this piece, and I think you don't need to find your genre because the entire world is at your penpoint, I swear! Amazingly done, and poor bunny, he didn't deserve that cruel treatment...how sad. Wonderful write!
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