I saw a little primate looking at me1
Hiding in the leaves of a big fig tree2
A red-crowned bar-bet grabbed a bite3
Watching all the ants that were having a fight4
Then a butterfly flitted on the ground5
Sipping all the juice from the figs she found6
The ants were busy storing all the seeds7
Some of these turn into strangler trees8
I won't eat figs from the big fig tree9
Too many seeds in the fig for me10
A tiny little seed has just begun11
High up in a tree in the tropical sun12
A female wasp is a sight to see13
Crawling in the figs in the big fig tree14
The males are merging on the scene15
Everybody's fighting in between16
And don't forget the pigs and deer17
They're all getting their food from here18
Author notes
This is actually my song I wrote.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Graphic Discription
In the heart of the rainforest...Duh-Duh-DUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMM! I enjoyed it, I could picture what was going on in detail. -
Very Visual!
Very good write! Reminded me of my time in Costa Rica! You have used excellent visuals to give the reader a picture of insects in action. I'm sorry you got disqualified from your contest!
My only suggestion would be with line 5 (Then a butterfly flitted on the ground). If I were writing the poem, I would change "on" to "to". I don't know what your intent here is, though. Are you saying the butterly was already on the ground, motionless until it starting 'flitting'? Or are you trying to say that the butterfly landed on the ground?
All in all, a beautiful poem!
Thanks for sharing! -
well done
This had a really nice rythm to it. I don't like figs but it seems everybody else in the world does.
Well done.
John -
I like this, the whole thing is revolving around the tree, I like it alot, very nice
applaude from me
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lol good stuff.
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I AM NOT SURE WHAT IT IS ABOUT THIS POEM THAT I LOVE SO MUCH BUT I DO. I LOVE THIS! GREAT WORK! I LOOK FORWARD TO READING OTHER THINGS FROM YOU.
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Wow! A poet who sees the totality of creation and writes about non-human aspects of it with clear eyes. I love this. Can't praise it enough!
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Well, this was a nice write, and I did enjoy the imagery, but I'm afraid this poem is disqualified. If you had read the rules and the options thoroughly, you would have seen that Rule 10 and Option 8 specifically said that the only choice that allowed a poem as an entry was number 8. And this is a poem, and is apparently entered into category 7, though I have no way of truly knowing since you did not follow the other rule of putting the Option number in either your title or Author's comments. But, either way, this is disqualified as it is a poem, and not a short story. If you'd still like to enter something else, please feel free to do so, but this write cannot be considered for a trophy.
-Renae. -
Hahaha thast cute, why did you have it as a poem? I think its more of a poem then a story.... althouh its kinda tellin a story in poem form. so... its a .. pory? hahaha.
But it was a good write
KEEP IT UP!! YUPPYUPP! YAY! Lol
-Karen Sue-
Romans 8:28
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