This fortress around my heart, I have built slowly and painfully from stones you gave me. Some you handed me and some you threw, and some you hid but I tripped over them anyway. The walls grow higher every day. For mortar, I have no shortage of tears and dredged earth clawed up with my hands. These walls are solid, I am safe. Some have knocked and pushed, but I don’t think anyone can get in here. Not even you. Especially not you.
Author notes
girl
A contest entry
- About Your Metaphor! by Taylor Renee.
250 points, ended November 16, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I really enjoyed this (side of your skill). However, I had to highlight everything and scroll down to read it. Like all your stuff I've read so far, this is too valuable to not make an adjustment. Unless (of course), it's intentional. "...but I don’t think anyone can get in here. Not even you. Especially not you." Or read it (lol), especially if they're not persistent...lol. Very good imagery and strong emotions throughout.
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Very sad, painful and dark write. Difficult consideration, what to do with stones of offense. I think the first inclination is to build walls to shut out further pain. Which you have excellently depicted. No wasted words. Intense. Powerful conclusion.
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Excellent Piece...Brief...but of Substance
Why haven't I seen THIS before. A fine piece of writing. Wonderful metaphor...the words as strong as the stones...the writing as grand as the fortress.
A fine example of how so much can be said in so few, well chosen, words. You ought to show this around here!
GA
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Awesome story.Sad one.
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This is a sad story. I liked it very much. It was a pleasure to read. Keep up the great work.
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This is so beautiful, wonderful!
I's unique, as well. Because most of the metphors were just coming right out and saying the metaphors, but this is so much more deep, it requires much more thought.
I agree, as well, with the other commentors
You did a wonderful job here. Thanks, so much for entering my contest, and good luck!
xoxo
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Tay
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I agree with JustBreath 423.562 percent!!! I liked the lines about how some stones were throun and some were hidden. Wow, this is a beautiful write, and the background certainly does it justice!!
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WOW! Such a wonderful metaphor for the defenses we build to try to protect our emotional being. A fortress built by stones given, thrown, hidden (but found anyway). Our fortresses can protect, for a while, but sooner or later, someone always seems to find a chink in the wall Excellent write! Best of luck in the contest! ....JB♥
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