Tryst

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He answered the door and found her standing, holding an overnight bag and unopened umbrella.3

She stood on the welcome mat, dripping rain from her clinging coat. He stared at her feet, but slowly glanced upward, finding her shy eyes excusing the rain. Looking in her bag, he then glanced at her coat, and smiled.4

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Author notes

Collaboration with Yemassee

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  • Yemassee gold member
    September 23, 2008

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    I still think the experienced reader can understand this story. They should be able to pick up on the cues...first, the unopened umbrella on a rainy day...then the welcome mat, the rain, the clinging coat, his glancing from her feet (notice we say feet, not shoes) upward, looking in the bag, back at her clinging coat.

    People should read into the word, "excusing" to mean, "Serve as a reason or cause or justification of." Or that, she knows he'll excuse the watery mess she'll track into his home...The rain in the integral force here, it not only expresses who they are to each other but her mood and of course, what is under that coat.

    Not to anger IT but this tale might be the single greatest writing idea you've had.


  • Peteskid
    February 2, 2008

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    excellent to both authors

    i think it sends a large volume of possibilities boiled down to a simple truth: she is there and he is glad to see her... PK

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 5.