Barking Dog (Final Thoughts Of A Suicide Bomber)

They say you see your whole life again just before you die. Mine had better hurry up, I have about half a second left. I wonder which part of me does the thinking and remembering. Soon my body will be shattered into a million pieces, brain disintegrated, heart vaporised, bits of bone careening through the air, muscle and sinew twisting, soft fleshy parts splashing and splattering. How did it come to this? How did I get here? I am a good man. This is the end; or is this the beginning?1

My hand is inside my jacket; I press the button. Time stops. There is no sensation. About forty people are nearby. Half of them will die. Half of the rest will be crippled. Half of the rest will be injured for life. The remainder will thank their god or destiny or mere chance for sparing them.2

It begins.3

Young childhood: with my brothers and sisters playing happily in the narrow city streets. Carefree, unafraid. The time a bigger boy shoved me into a wall and I hurt my arm. My father leaving. A classroom with a teacher. A ride in a truck. The mountains. The clear sky at night, shooting stars. A pack of wild dogs, barking. Waking up, the house shaking, running outside, afraid: earthquake.4

Time hasn’t stopped, just slowed. The charge moves from the battery pack through the trigger, into the chain of metallic tubes filled with white gel and metal balls wrapped around my abdomen. A flash begins at the head of each cylinder, the gel begins to boil and swell, the cylinders to rip open, the metal balls accelerate. 5

My oldest brother leaving to join my father. Jet planes flying over the city. Soldiers hiding in our house. Father returning for a visit – he’s changed, hurt, scared, ruined. Strange bags and packages stored in our house. A call to prayers. The enemy: foreign soldiers, dirty and godless. Fear. Gun shots in the distance. Bodies in the street. Hatred. An explosion in the city, the ground shakes, a dust cloud rises into the sky in a flashing column.6

The gel vaporises and the flash grows. My middle is completely engulfed in flame, the fastest of the tiny metal balls are travelling through my torso and legs, others race outward in all directions. 7

Adolescence: Noon prayers at the Mosque, the Mulla speaking, “You blame your times when you should blame yourselves! A Muslim’s heart is his guide.” Picking up spent shells. Scrambling over the smouldering carcass of an armoured car. Running errands for our warriors. Arrested, but let go. Meeting the girl who will be my wife. Love, caring, but little hope.8

My body is tearing apart. Still no feeling. The balls rip streams of blood out of my body. The bright flash surrounds me. The little eruptions where the balls slam into the stone floor. Chips of bone burst within my legs and chest. I recall a voice, but not the speaker, “He who sees the calamity of other people finds his own calamity light.” I move to smile, but my body is too slow. Time is too slow. No one nearby is reacting yet. The nearest person is hit by the first metal pellet. 9

Arrested again, questioned, released. No longer a boy. Running supplies: chemicals, guns, bullets. Arrested again, released again. A friend killed, a funeral. Foreign soldiers looking at our women disrespectfully; smashing down the doors of our homes; dirtying our holy places, insulting our customs. I spit on them as they pass in the street below. I throw stones at their tanks and kick their cars and sneak in at night to piss on their kitbags, spit in their food, shit on their clothes.10

Fire and light fill me up. My legs are gone, my hands are gone, my body is shattering. People are hit, their flesh tearing, their bones smashing, organs erupting. Dust is flying up from the ground, holes are boring into the walls, trails of fire and smoke tear through the air. Objects turn to shrapnel: coins, bones and teeth. 11

My cousin’s wedding. I will also marry soon. Happiness, celebration, elated gun-shots into the sky. Passing helicopters and airplanes bristling with machine guns, turn back on the wedding, shooting and circling, shooting and circling, crack-crack-crack. Running for cover. Crying, shrieking, bullets and blood, dying. Fear. Helping the injured, fleeing for cover. Shooting and circling. Pain and tears. Shooting and circling, crack-crack-crack-crack. Explosions and fire. My ears hurt. My chest hurts. Screaming and dying. Blood on my hands. My sister is hurt; I pull her into a small shelter and lay her head on my legs. Blood on her body, fear in her eyes, outrage in my heart. She dies. I cry. I shout. I hit the wall. I hit the ground. I hit her. I don’t know what to do. I am sick. How did it come to this? How did this happen? How did I get here? I am a good man.12

I am torn apart, I am nothing. It is over. What have I done? I was a good man.13

The dogs may bark but the caravan moves on.

Author notes

Since this story's had several reviews and no comments, I'll add some notes. Firstly, I in no way condone this sort of thing, just wanted to take an unusual perspective. Secondly, the events at the wedding took place in Afghanistan 2002, and when it was reported in the news, I thought, "20 people killed, 2000 terrorists born." Everntually, over 30 people died in the incident.

In a list

A contest entry

Is this the shortest story you've ever read? After all, it only lasts one second.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 99 of 137     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • Valkyrie silver member
    October 30

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    Nicely slowed down. Very excellent details. I can see why everyone talks about how cool this story is.


  • tallblondie Greeters member
    October 26
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    Even though this was my second reading of this piece, the emotional impact of the piece is just as strong as the original reading. I thoroughly enjoyed how you managed to pack so much emotion into this drawn out second of destruction - how you examine the motives of the bomber and paint him as a real person with real feelings and emotions. The style and delivery of this piece was quite powerful - interspersing the micro-second destruction with his flashbacks - nice snappy sentences packed with emotion.

    Thank you for your entry in Sheer Brilliance.


  • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
    October 11
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    This is my second time reading through this story.

    It is very good and a different perspective. I don't know if it accurately describes the motivations of a suicide bomber or not. They usually don't survive to discuss their reasons. It does seem probable.

    Thanks for entering Exceptional Stories To Be Published.

    Andy


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    September 28

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    I can see why this piece has so many comments and has accrued so many shiny trophies - it's really quite amazing. The pacing is absolutely perfect, timed to the fraction of a second (as must be done in a story that's only 1 second long, right? ). It's fascinating the way you build up a rich and detailed backgrond story for your main character at the same time that you rip him apart metal pellet by metal pellet. There's a certain balance and almost karma to it, for that reason. It's also obvious that you know enough about bombs and how explosions move to make this story realistic - I would have to spend a good deal of time researching the topic before I could pull of something even remotely similar. And, well, I was so caught up in reading the story, in needing desperately to know what was going to happen in the next fraction of a second, I completely neglected looking for any typoes. Oops... Hopefully you've had enough reviews to get helpful comments from others by now. *laughs* I can't believe I haven't read this one before - it's so good!

    • slashinguk
      September 29
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      That's because there are no typos! There were two in the original version, but they got ironed out pretty quickly.

      I'm certainly no explosives expert. It's wonderful what 5-minutes of wikipedia surfing can achieve.

      Thank you so much for the very positive review.


  • LostSoulOfRage
    September 28

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    This is really good! i enjoyed reading it very much! aweosome job! Thanks for entering the contest!

    -LostSoul

  • PamelaP
    September 27

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    Powerful

    This was excellent. It was gripping and horrific. The way you tried to get into the mind of a terrorist is, I feel inspirational.
    Well done.

    • slashinguk
      September 28
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      I hope the "inspirational" part wasn't to do anything like the protagonist, but just on how to take a different perspective.

      Thanks for the applause.


  • Six-Feet-Underwater
    September 26

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    Chilling, maybe that's not the right word, it was moving, and definately well written offering a rare insight to a suicide bomber. Beautifully written and great!

    • slashinguk
      September 28
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      Thank you. Chilling and moving are pretty much the tone I was aiming for.


  • Thorn-on-the-Rose
    September 26

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    Absolutly amazing. I honestly think that this is without a doubt one of the best stories I have ever read, absolutly, perfect. You are definitly a finalist. Congrats. and great job, this is so powerful, I love it.

    -Dani


  • Quixotic Greeters member
    September 24
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    ooohhh...i had read this one before but just had to read again, just because it's that good ! I'm still really loving it...great work!

    RIan


  • urbanronin88
    September 21
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    It's a good write. very unique and intense. One of the best I've read on this site.


  • papercutangel86
    August 19

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    this is an unusual story but I think it made a pretty good point. It was very creative, and so sad. I think it was a great write. thabks for entering such a great story


  • Melissa Loves Jeffy
    August 15

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    Damn you sure did win a lot of trophies on this one. Of course you did because this was amazing. Amazingly written and an amazing view. You truly did a wonderful job. Well done.


  • miles of smiles
    August 6
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    This the most intense story I've read on this site. It was terrorizing, and my heart slowed, then started to beat rapidly. Your descriptions, words, story...all amazing. You stretched a second out to a lifetime.

    Good luck in the SW Oscars- you definitely deserve to win.


  • Talisa Tourniquet
    July 26

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    I loved how it seemed like time stopped and was going slowly but it was actually pretty fast. Wonderful story you are an amazing writer.


  • Out-Of-Eden
    July 22

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    Wow that was good and sad. Loved the flashbacks and how each time it changed it was going a little faster as his body was being engulfed. It was well written and I certainly felt the emotions from it, HIS emotions especially. I liked that it was in his view also. This was a good read. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • Darkhearted
    July 20

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    very desciptive emotions. I can feel his pain and anger and confusion.
    wonderful.

    good luck,
    chey-bear

  • Shadowed Phoenix
    July 19

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    Alright I'll make this short. For one I clearly stated at the top of my contest that I did not want stories with a lot of prior contest entries for that is doing nothing but milking the story for every trophy it is worth. Secondly I aked you to put your gender in your A/N and you did not which give me the impression that you just entered it as another contest this could fit in. I do believe I have commented on this so I will not do so again. This will not place I can tell you that now but I won't DQ you.

    • slashinguk
      July 20
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      Yeah, I read that first note and you said you "wouldn't look fondly" on stories entered into many contests, but would not disqualify on that basis.

      I read the rules, numbered 1-8, and did not realize that another rule followed four paragraphs later. Sorry, I'll withdraw this story.

      Since this is my only highly regarded story under 4000 words, I don't have anything else to offer.

      Thanks for your understanding and good luck with your competition.

  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    July 15

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    The plot is easy to follow, the idea worked out cleanly and the thoughts of narrator are clear

    The reading takes longer than a second .

    You set up a well-defined outline and developed the story to fit within that outline. The plot is easy to follow, the idea worked out cleanly and the thoughts of narrator are clear and understandable.

    There was a word limit but .

    I suppose if anything a reader might in MHO find you are too ambitious and expect seven hundred words to carry the load another writer would engage 70,000 words or more to do.

    The horror of what this fellow has experienced in life, the emotions he suffered and is still suffering that have driven him to this finality get shortchanged by too short a tale. I think you are a talented writer, with a terrific imagination and I see a lot of potential for a novel in this story.

    Geri


  • Naive.
    July 14

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    Completely Amazing...

    I think this has to be one of the best things I've ever read on this site. This is truly descriptive writing at its best. I love the way you wrote this with flashbacks of the bomber's life; it was very unique and unlike anything I've read before. And unlike some other comments people have made, I think the amount of detail you went into was perfect and fit well with the split-second death. I also love the subject you wrote about. It's fascinating and causes the reader to more closely examine a suicide bomber. Incredible work.

    Thanks for entering and good luck! =]

    -jj

  • sugarrrainbow
    July 8

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    Wow, what an interesting little piece. I have never read anything about suicide bombers and this makes me want to read others.
    This was really well written and eloquent, but with all the gore that truly represents war.
    I can almost understand suicide bombers.
    Almost.
    Great job!


  • JuliaAlexandrovna
    July 6

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    This story is amazing. Very interesting perspective. I love fragments too by the way. Thank you for entering my contest and I wish you luck.

    x Julez


  • Melancholic Smile
    July 4

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    Wow this certainly is Seriously Deep and it was wonderfully well written. Difficult to read (emotionally) but interesting to read from that kind of perspective. I read it for a second time and was completely absorbed in the words. You did a great job, well done and thanks for entering!


  • moonwriter
    July 3
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    I read this before, but I read it again. I was still overcome by the incredible descriptions. You made his pain clearly understandable and just amazing. The emotion was absolutely overwhelming. I'm glad you entered this. This was just one of the most aqmazing things I've ever read. Good luck!


  • Forgotten Tink.
    June 26

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    Holy. Moo. Cow.

    OMG! I hate using chat peak but still! This was amazing! The detail was grand, the emotion so perfect...I really really liked it. I have never seen anything like this. I mean Amazing. I hate to rant and rave, but seriously this...this is written perfection. You did wonderful!

    • slashinguk
      June 26
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      Too kind

      Aw shucks. You're too kind. It seems strange to me how well received this story has been given it's the fastest one I've ever written. I wish I could tap into that creative energy all the time!


  • Fish food
    June 22

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    Wow! I love the change of perspective and how you looked at it from the suicide-bomber's side, even though you do not condone those actions.
    Marvelous work, wish I had a contest that you participated in so I could give it gold! XD

  • Writing0Freedom
    June 20

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    That was a really unusual perspective to have written in. It takes a lot of talent as a writer and strength as a person to try to write about something like this. Thank you for giving a way to look at it. I like how you explained what made him what he was. It really added how cut off the sentences were when he was remembering. It made it seem more real. This was very descriptive and well written. You did your research and I appreciate that. It means you really took the time to read the rules. I really like this. I think that many things like this that while I too don't condone it I do believe there is a lot of misunderstanding and if we tried to understand what makes up the people who do this and where they are coming from we could take away the hatred. We could rebuild the bridges and fix what has been broken. Thank you for taking the initiative to write this and then post it in the contest! You wrote well and this made me think.
    Just a suggestion if you are going to describe his life, one some of the really important ones you could put more detail. Such as how you described his sisters dying- a catalyst for what made him who he became I think- that type of description adds to it enough to give a mental picture and to let the reader imagine the rest.
    Good writing!
    WritingFree


  • Sekhmet Kitty
    June 19

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    A very different perspective to what people usually look at. It was very detailed and very well written but the last line and the title does not fit into the story.
    Good Luck!

    • slashinguk
      June 21
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      The final line (and title) imply that, even though some people try their best to change the world (through these sorts of acts), life goes on as usual. It's an attempt to belittle the act and imply that it won't change anything (except for the obvious impact to those immediately affected).


  • moonwriter
    June 19

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    That was amazing. THe way you wrote it was so interesting and it actually made me feel bad for the man. It really makes you rethink just writing these men off as evil. It had never occured to me that these men might have been hurt; scarred. It's really horrible to think that they'd been pushed to that.

    Thank you for opening my mind. I will never look at one of those news stories the same again. Absolutely incredible. You have an amazing way with words.

    • slashinguk
      June 19
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      High praise indeed

      Thank you very much. You are clearly a member of the intended audience of this story.


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    June 19
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    I like it, its a very interesting look at what is lately a daily event.

    Thanks for entering!


  • Prim-Rose
    June 16

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    That was just...wow. It took a totally different perspective and showed that they aren't just heartless creatures-they do have hearts and those are sometimes the thing that drives them to do stuff such as this. Great job! Oh and yes, it was the shortest story.

    • slashinguk
      June 16
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      Thanks

      Thanks for your comment and all the applause. I can't imagine that anyone would do anything like these for reasons other than the heart.

      I'm especially pleased you agree it was the shortest story. No doubt someone will write one that takes place in just a single instant.

      Thanks also for the applause.


  • Trillian
    June 12

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    Wowza! This was indeed very different, somehow people always think of them as the bad guys, that they have no feelings at all. I hope this has opened some eyes out there. Very well done.
    ~Trillian~

    • slashinguk
      June 12
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      But they are bad guys. I think everyone has feelings though. Thanks for the comment and the applause.


  • Violet Moodswing gold member
    June 12

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    Thanks for enterring my contest. I think you have written a story that can keep a readers interest but also makes a sound social statement. Killing breeds killing and more killing. You would think that we would know that by now and do something different. I think that many "good men" are taking part in things that seem less than good to those looking from the outside in because of past circumstance.

    Good job giving a person food for thought. One has to wonder who is the terrorist and who is not at times.

    Again thanks for your entry and best of luck in the contest.

    • slashinguk
      June 12

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      Actually, I'm perfectly clear that this guy is a terrorist. The coalition have made plenty of mistakes - there are always mistakes in armed conflicts. I wouldn't consider those involved to be terrorists. Thanks for your thoughts and applause.

  • TheRedPen
    June 11

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    very good. Thanks for giveing a reason for him doing it not just "og he's a muslim" cause you go to hell if you kill good peoplee and not a bad just thought you should know.I would give you somee points but i'm saveing up sorry.

    • slashinguk
      June 12
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      Since you're after points, I've upgraded your comment rating!

      Thanks for commenting. I know a little about Islam, but I don't have any religious faith myself. I just try to understand people in circumstances different to my own.


  • Toxic Paradox gold member
    June 11

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    Ok I personally didn't find that clear enough, but now you've expalined it it makes more sense, but let me see if I'm getting this clear in my head: Half of forty is twenty, so there will be twenty left. Right? Half of those twenty will be injured, leaving ten. So then are you halving that ten again to two fives? And the 'remainder' is one of the fives? It just doesn't seem like the clearest way of putting it, that's all.

    As for the other comments, I certainly don't disagree that the flashbacks are plausible, I only meant that they read like a list rather than a story. Since you've made time slow down I only thought that you could elaborate on some of them, not that they weren't plausible events

    • slashinguk
      June 12
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      You're right. I didn't want to get down to detailed numbers as they were only the bomber's best guesses as to what would happen. If it were to be more precise, I would have used the exact numbers.

      Hopefully that's clear from the "about forty people" statement. He's not counting out exactly, just speculating on the impact of his choice, which he then goes on to question during the rest of the piece.


  • Toxic Paradox gold member
    June 10