The Last One Out Is Noah

What if there were two Noahs: the one that we read about in Genesis, who built the great Ark; and now spends his advanced years traveling about, signing autographs in religious book stores and posing for photos at clergy retreats. 1

Then a modern Noah, who is an insurance adjuster for a company that sells species insurance.2

Both Noah’s are riding on a train. (One is wearing a rumpled gown, reminiscent of an Old Testament patriarch. The other is wearing a trim suit.) It is late at night, and most of the passengers are asleep. Two of them are mumbling loudly. The conductor asks them to be quiet and a dialogue takes place:3

SECOND NOAH: (thrashing about)…passenger pigeon, the giant auk, hairy wooley mammoth…better cross them off. Aw, not the ground sloth. 4

Conductor: Pardon me, could you do what you are doing more discreetly.5

SECOND NOAH: Sorry, I must have been talking in my sleep.6

Conductor: More like counting in your sleep. Most people fall asleep counting sheep, but you seem to be subtracting. Entire species I might add.7

SECOND NOAH: Sorry, I was having a terrible dream. 8

Conductor: Look at that old relic in the seat behind you. He has been dreaming too (whorls a finger over his ear and shakes his head in pity.)9

SECOND NOAH: He is counting in twos…10

Old Relic: Two American bison…yes add those, two South American condors, two whooping cranes…11

SECOND NOAH: How bout two puffins and don’t forget the harpy eagles?12

Conductor: You two guys ought to sit together, and let the rest of us get on with our sleep. Am I bothering you? Sorry, I was having a wonderful dream. Well, wonderful in the sense that I was being “proactive.” 13

SECOND NOAH: You mean that you were doing something before something really bad happened?14

Old Relic: Something terrible.15

Conductor: Sir, I can tell the two of you that if you both don’t settle down, something terrible will happen to both of you.16

(The two are seated together)17

Old Relic: My name is Noah; I don’t want to bore you with my story. I do ramble a lot.18

SECOND NOAH: For sure; my name is also Noah, I am an insurance adjuster.19

Old Relic: Do you cover flood insurance?20

SECOND NOAH: Strange that you mention that---our names being Noah and all. Was that meant to be a joke?21

Old Relic: No, there have been some terrible floods. Of course we had our own, but you may not know that there were other show stoppers around the world at that time. Have you heard of Gilgamesh? Look that one up. 22

SECOND NOAH: I heard you adding by twos. The species that you mentioned; some of them have been extinct for many thousands of years. You spoke as if you were saving them. Was that all just your dream?23

Old Relic: I wondered the same thing about you. You were subtracting and listing your losses. Do you really think that we might be losing the great apes and the polar bears?24

SECOND NOAH: You were dreaming of preserving and making new. That is some dream. 25

Old Relic: Not a dream, my friend---REAL, a gathering of gratitude and joy---a new time! We even got a rainbow.26

SECOND NOAH: We are so different, we have the same name, but I do nothing. It is as if we are the ending of YOUR story and I am, well, Noah---but wait a minute. Who are YOU working for?27

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