"Phillip!" shouted Princess Aspasia to her knight and fiance. "Father has been kidnapped!"1
"Who has taken him?" replied Phillip as Aspasia rushed into his chamber. A big man with clear blue eyes and long blonde hair which at the moment was disheveled, he took Aspasia into his arms.2
"The minions of King Ode from the Land of the Dead in the Kingdom of Ott," said Aspasia, tears streaking her face.3
"What can I do, My Lady? Legend has it that none have ever returned from the Kingdom of Ott." 4
Aspasia was a sorceress of great power, known, respected, and feared by most who knew of her. A mysterious beauty with dark hair and eyes, she was often seen with her pet panther, Shadow. She was the eldest daughter to the king and therefore next in line for the throne.5
"I have seen in my crystal ball," said Aspasia. "A mighty, black, horned pegasus; a creature who can pass from our world into the Land of the Dead. It is like a unicorn and a pegasus combined, but it is black. Only by magic can it be mastered and ridden."6
"How will I find it?" asked Phillip.7
"It will come for you on the evening of the first day of the crescent moon. That is in three days."8
"How do I find your father?"9
"That I don't know, but you will have with you a golden rod, a vial of jasmine, and a vial of sulfur. You will also have your sword and shield."10
"How will I use these?"11
"You will know at the given moment, but the rod, the jasmine, and the sulfur can each be used only once."12
"What are the chances of my success, My Lady?"13
"I am uncertain, but we must try."14
"I pledge you my heart, my soul, and my life. Where do I meet this creature?"15
"On the top of Mount Elipson."16
"Then," said Phillip. "I must ready myself quickly that I may arrive there in time." 17
"God speed!" said Aspasia.18
Phillip rapidly bathed, dressed in his black armor with the shield with a red crest and the image of a black panther. Before donning his helmet, he kissed Aspasia and bid her fairwell. His servants readied his black horse with the red and silver trim. He was dazzling and mighty in his appearance. He set out for Mount Elipson.19
The journey took him due east. He had food enough for the trip to the mount and back. He passed through two villages and many small farms. Recognizing him to be a nobleman and a knight, the people were only too happy to put him up for the two nights he needed. The sun beating down on his armor was hot, but drinking cool spring water made it bearable. On the third day he reached Mount Elipson. He left his horse with a farmer on a plateau on his way to the summit.20
When he reached the top he was amazed at how near the stars were and how mysterious they appeared. He saw many falling stars and he took that to be a good omen. A black shadow flashed across the stars and Phillip knew it to be the creature he had come to meet. He grabbed his bag in preparation. The beautiful black beast landed in front of him and he mounted it and let it have its lead. The winged animal flew at great speed. It seemed to fly among the stars.21
22
Aspasia watched her crystal ball in wonder and amazement as she saw Phillip riding on the black horned pegasus. She prayed for the success of his mission. Seryphina came into Aspasia's room and asked, "Is there news of Father, dear sister?" Seryphina was nearly an opposite of Aspasia with golden hair and bright blue eyes. Seryphina saw nothing in the crystal ball, but she trusted her sister's visions. 23
"No, not yet, but Phillip seems to be making progress."24
"Phillip will succeed, you know that he will," said Seryphina.25
"Yes, he must succeed."26
27
The magical, winged unicorn landed in a dark smelly land of thick mist and the odor of decay. Phillip dismounted and took his bag off the creature. The beast immediately turned and flew off. Phillip had a sense of loneliness as though he was completely alone in that world. Lost and alone, he wondered if he would be able to find the king, or forever wander in that forsaken land. He began walking straight forward. He could see nothing beyond a few meters in front of himself. He prayed that the gods would guide his feet. He wandered for many days it seemed, though somehow time was not real. He neither slept nor ate. After what seemed an eternity, the mist finally cleared and he found himself on the remains of a field of battle. Bones of long ago dead littered the plains he now walked. Swords, shields, spears, bows and arrows were scattered with the ancient broken bodies.28
Suddenly in the distance Phillip heard the horns of battle and the drums of war being played. On the horizon there were hundreds of soldiers coming in Phillip's direction. These Phillip knew instinctively were the minions of the King of Ott. Phillip knew that he was no match for the mighty army coming before him. He fell to his knees and prayed. The soldiers continued to come toward him. In his mind, Phillip heard, 'Use the golden rod.' Phillip touched the ground with the golden rod and the bones of the dead grew flesh and rose to face the forces of the King of Ott.29
Phillip drew his sword and began to fight with all his might with the soldiers that the golden rod had conjured up to fight with him. The battle was fierce and bloody. They fought all day and into the night. The mist came rolling in and Phillip could see nothing before him. He kept his sword drawn and ready, but no one else came. The next day the fog cleared and no one stood beside Phillip. All the bodies had vanished. Mystified, Phillip continued his journey.30
31
"Praise be to the gods for watching after my brave knight and seeing him through the battle of life and death," Aspasia chanted. She was watching in her crystal orb. "Lead him safely to my Father, the king, and return them both back here to their home. It is not time that either of them should die. Walk with them in power, light, love, and life. Guard their spirits, souls, and bodies."32
33
Phillip prayed for guidance. He knew not which direction to go. A flock of birds flew over him and straight ahead. He accepted that as a sign for the direction he should take and he walked on. He came to a canyon and walked into it. Seeing the sun shine upon the entrance to a cave, he went inside. Light emanated from the walls and he saw a large pool of bubbling liquid and his king chained to the wall of the cave on the other side. "Phillip, my dear Phillip, it is so good to see you."34
Phillip regarded the liquid and said to the king, "How do you fare, My Lord."35
"Well enough, but I fear I am stuck here in these chains and that liquid would eat your armor and you in it."36
"Aspasia has provided me with the magic I need to rescue you. One of these vials should cast a spell on that pool of Hades, if I only knew which one," said Phillip.37
"What do the vials contain?"38
"One has jasmine and the other sulfur."39
"I'd place my guess on the sulfur," said the king.40
"So be it," said Phillip and he open the vial of sulfur and poured it into the pool of death. Nothing happened.41
"Well, I must have guessed wrong," said the king and he laughed half heartedly.42
43
Aspasia panicked and her heart sank as she saw this scene. Each vial had its use and if they had been misused, than probably neither would work. How would Phillip overcome this obstacle? Was all lost? She tried to think of something she could do.44
45
Suddenly the pool of liquid quit bubbling. Both men smiled. The surface smoothed and became glass-like. Phillip touched the top of the pool with his sword. lt was hard. Carefully he tried it with a foot and some of his weight. It held. He stood on the edge and it supported him. He walked the fifty meters or so that separated him from his king. "By God," said King Maldar, "It did work!"46
"Forgive me, my king, for I doubted."47
"As did I, my boy, as did I. Now see if you can free me from these chains."48
The chains were no match for Phillip's sword. The king looked well for his age, his dark hair and beard peppered with gray. His mood seemed good. He was a man of size as was Phillip. "Let's get out of here," said the king.49
"Follow me, My Lord." Phillip led King Maldar out of the cave and through the canyon. They wandered endlessly it seemed after they left the canyon.50
51
"Phillip found Father," said Aspasia full of excitement to Seryphina. 52
"That's truly wonderful!" said Seryphina. "When will they be back?" It had been over a month.53
"I don't know. They seem to be lost."54
"Lost?" repeated Seryphina. "That can hardly be good."55
"I know what they need to do to come back, but I have no way to tell them," said Aspasia frustrated.56
"Phillip will succeed," said Seryphina.57
"Yes, I'm sure he will."58
Aspasia went to her room and beseeched the gods to help her communicate with Phillip.59
60
Phillip and King Maldar continued to walk in what they hoped was the right direction praying for a sign. Phillip knew that he still had the vial of jasmine, but he had no idea what its use would be. Fortunately in the Land of the Dead, they had no need of food or water. For days on end they saw nothing but, endless plains of flatlands. Phillip's hand grew numb and without realizing it, he let the bag slip from his hand. He heard the sound of breaking glass.61
"Oh damn!" said Phillip. "The vial must have broken." In the Land of the Dead there seemed to be neither day nor night. The sweet smell of jasmine permeated the air.62
"Yes, I love the scent," said the king.63
"But it was our last hope of escaping the cursed place."64
"Well, at least we have each other's company," the king said smiling.65
"A small consolation, I'm sure," replied Phillip.66
"You underestimate yourself, my son. Besides, we have to get back so you can marry my daughter."67
"Oh, but what a idiot I am, to have broken the vial of jasmine."68
"What will be, will be," remarked the king.69
70
Aspasia smiled as she watched them in her crystal ball. Her spell had worked. The jasmine vial was broken. She ran to tell her sister. "Seryphina! Seryphina!" she shouted. "They'll be coming home soon. We must prepare a celebration. Phillip and our father are returning from the Land of the Dead."71
72
In the distance on the horizon was a small image. It began to grow larger. "Friend or foe, do you suppose?" asked the king.73
"I don't know," answered Phillip as he prepared himself for battle.74
After a moment, Phillip exclaimed, "Friend!"75
The black creature of the night came into view and Phillip explained it was their ride back to their world. The scent of the jasmine had drawn it to them. 76
"What a marvelous animal," said King Maldar with admiration. They both mounted the winged horse and it flew with them quickly back to Mount Elipson. They climbed from the summit down to the farm at the plateau where Phillip had left his horse. The farmer there was pleased to lend a horse to the king, in fact; he tried to give it to the king, but the king would hear nothing of it. Together Phillip and the king rode back to the castle. As they arrived at the township, the people cheered and danced. Seryphina and Aspasia met Phillip and King Maldar at the city gates. They all rode together to the castle. King Maldar ordered that the horse and ten more be sent to the farmer. 77
They had a feast and celebration with minstrels, dancers, jesters, and magicians. Seryphina was seated on the Queen's right and Aspasia then Phillip were to the king's left. On Phillip's left was his brother, Charles. The king said to Aspasia, "When are you going to marry this man? Have you seen it in that ball of yours, or do I have to make a public decree?"78
"I'm ready whenever you want, my father," she replied.79
"Then I think we shall set the date for a month from today."80
"Oh, Father! That will be wonderful!"81
In a list
A contest entry
- Come one! Come all! by Forsaken Unicorn.
225 points, ended November 19, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Sixteenth Century-ness by Midnightmare.
850 points, ended January 4, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Inter-Galactic Champion's Trophy by Shah Z.
275 points, ended April 23, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Epic Fantasy Battle by Blazing Writer.
775 points, ended July 23, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Knights of the round table by SunshineDancer423.
145 points, ended November 9, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Magic/Supernatural by LoveGo13.
75 points, ended October 7, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
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Well this is really good. No wonder you've earned so many trophies. I can't wait to read part 3. Keep up the great work
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nice can't wait for part 3
keep going i think u can publish a book and i could buy all 3
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi!
Yay another good story! Good characters, I must say. Everyone must read this, a good example of a fantastic story!
Tori
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Oh, this is so nice! The way it's told is much like the fairy tales from the old days, so beautiful! I enjoyed reading it. Your three magical items Philip was given reminded me of the usual three in our fairy tales - a comb (usualy made of gold), a handkerchief with a lace, and... Oh my, I can't remember now what the third usualy is. My old brain is not working properly tonight it seems.
Now, I have a suggestion. I don't think that you should describe the characters again, you did that well in the first part. With that said - you did great job with this one, and it's really a feast everyone should enjoy
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Hi Janie!
I didn't really remember that I'd described the characters, but you're right; Aspasia and Phillip wouldn't require description, maybe the king, though.
What do you think should happen in the next part?
I'm very pleased that you like this story.
Andy
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I don't want to guess, it'll probably be completely wild, and not right at all My imagination have a mind of its own more than sometimes
But I know that it will be a very nice, excellent piece of work!
For some reason, while reading this part, I kept thinking about Seryphina being the bad guy at some point. Don't know why, maybe it's because I like the witch more, maybe because the nice little blonde ones aren't always so nice, and maybe because I have read one to many horror stories, and stopped reading real fairy tales years back. I must have a really sick mind.... I'll have to wait for the next part and see.
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This is amazing and brilliant as ever. I enjoyed reading it to a great degree. The only part I wanted to see in this is another fight like in the first one. But it's still really good and I'm happy you read it. Bravo!
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Hi Melissa!
I'm very pleased that you like this story. I'm thinking about continuing it; any suggestions?
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.
Andy
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I really want you to continue this! It's such an amazing faerie tail! As for suggestions on the next one... hmmm... lets see if I can get some gears runnin' in my head... Maybe something involving a place underwater? Haha I don't know. Feel free to use that but I'm sure you could come up with something better. I'll def will message you if I come up with anything.
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Hi Melissa!
I think it would be good for Aspasia and Phillip to marry, but there needs to be additional conflict(s).
Andy
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Hmmm maybe Phillip could have a brother and then he could come and try to cause some drama. Like bring up something from the past or somethin.
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Sorry, I've read this one too. I have to DQ you, but I liked how you carried all the characters on, and you did well.
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Well,
I didn't recognize your name and I didn't see it on this one, but thanks for hosting the contest. I hope you had much fun with it.
Andy
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Aw, you cut out the fight scene between Phillip and the balck Pegasus! All in all — wonderful! I think this one was even better than the first! I loved it sooooo much! I want the third chapter sooooooooooooooo much now! Please post it soon!
And again — Ilove your stories! Thank you!
kokofuto
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Hi Kokofuto!
I'm so very pleased you like this story.
What do you think should happen in the next part. I was thinking that it might be time for Aspasia and Phillip to marry, but there's needs to be additional conflict.
Andy
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The beginging seemed kind of rushed, but I liked it all the same! Once again happy endings...they make me so well...happy. I really like this one too, you're an amazing writer,
Great job =]
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Hi SA!
You've got a bunch of entries.
I'm very pleased that you like these stories. I will probably write a third story to this series at some point.
So you felt the beginning is rushed. What do you think would improve it?
I actually write a lot of stories in which the bad guys win, but in Dark Fury and Dark Fury 2 Phillip, our hero, wins.
Andy
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Haha yeah, it's hard trying to pick finalists they're all good.
I don't know about the rushed-ness, sorry, it's most likely just me being weird again.
Sometimes it's good for the bad guys to win, mix it up a little. I would love to read a third story! I really like the Dark Fury stories, they're great.
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Sorry, but I said under 1000 words, please read the directions.
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Hi Volleym!
I thought I had read the directions, but apparently I didn't remember them. I was tired when I entered, perhaps that's why. Sorry
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Andy
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Long as it is, it held my attention throught the entire story.
It was quite interesting and although a little fast paced, I enjoyed this throughly.
Well done and good job!
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Hi!
Thanks for hosting. I'm glad this story held your attention and that you like it. I felt that since you permitted more than one entry, I should enter the sequel to Dark Fury.
Andy
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I like this, it was good. well done.
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Hi!
I just noticed I hadn't replied to this comment. Thanks for reading. I'm glad you like this story.
Andy
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I enjoyed it, a wonderful sequel to the first one! Good job, yet again.
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Hi Linda!
I didn't reply to this comment! Thanks so much for reading the sequel to Dark Fury. I'm glad you like it. I may write a third story to this series.
Andy
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That is a truly wonderful story and I enjoyed it very much. There wasn't too much description but there was not too little. Just about enough for me. The characters were a bit hazy to myself at the beginning, however, and although it did seem slightly rushed at the end, I must admit it is a very good piece. Good luck in the contest!
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Hi Moon Child!
I'm so pleased you like this story. The characters are better developed in the first part 'Dark Fury':
http://storywrite.com/story/38110
So far, I haven't come up with a good idea for 'Dark Fury 3', so 'Dark Fury 2' is as far as the story currently goes.
Thanks for hosting and for all the applause. I appreciate it.
Andy
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Thank you for the link! And don't worry, I'm just trying to be a good judge on my first contest.
--Moon Child
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Just a tad fast. The whole story seemed a bit rushed, but the descriptions make up for that. Hengmanl sends his thanks for entering this contest.
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Hi Hyenicus!
This is actually a sequel to 'Dark Fury', of course. It reads better with the background established there. However, 'Death' personified occurs in the part in which the king is taken by 'Death' and Phillip goes to the land of the dead to bring the king back.
Thanks to both of you for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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An epic and happy continuation to a great story. Great job! ^^
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I liked it, I did notice a few things, I think that you have the same problem as me sometimes, I speed up the story so things go by to quickly and I need to explain more, so let me get this strait, in 31 when he wakes up and no one is about, I guess the winged horse went away too? Then, why did the jasmine bring the horse thing...there has to be some history behind that. I personally would have liked a little more peral when they are coming back ( I know I spelled that wrong ) but that is just me, I really liked it but I think it should explain a little more.Also, one more thing...I think that there was a little TO much fantasy and magic for my liking. It sounded like Narnia in a couple places, but if that is what you were going for great job! Oh! Jeez! Sorry one more thing..in a couple places for instance..in 63 when the vial breaks, and he says " Oh damn!" depending on when this was based that word might not have been used; and in 11 she says " That I don't know" maybe try " That I do not know " And see how it flows.Sorry if I was to picky!Thanks for entering good luck!
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Hi Kat
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Thanks also for the suggestions. I'm glad you like this story.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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This is a well written story that I have enjoyed reading. Although in the contest I was looking for more magic in the battle, I still liked it as a story. One thing is that it was kind of rushed. Maybe details and such. Show what the characters are doing as they are speaking. Like towards the beginning all you have is dialogue and no actions or audial emotions such as he sighed he choked she snorted ect ect. I'm one to talk seeing as someone told me about this in my work too, but I'm learning and now I'm helping out a fellow writer. If you want to edit it you can and if you do just tell me. I think with more details you have an amazing work in your hands that can be longer and such. Good Luck in the contest.
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Thanks
At some point I'll probably try to rewrite this story. I'm certain that most of my stories can be improved. However, I'm not good at rewriting and I procrastinate about it.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Too linear and unsurprising
This is well written, but lacks decision points and a purpose.
I know it's fantasy, but that's no reason to leave logic and reason aside. Why was the King kidnapped? Did Ott have something to gain? If so, make it clear.
Nobody in this story makes a meaningful decision. They act, but there are no alternatives weighed and considered, or sacrifices made in taking the actions. There are some good twists and turns, like the breaking of the two vials.
The language is good, engaging, and interesting. The plot is fine too, but for the motives and decisions of the characters.
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Thanks
The Kingdom of Ott is the land of the dead. The King of Britain being taken there, meant that he was in the land of the dead, not to return among the living. Phillip had to rescue him from an early death. Perhaps I need to make this more clear.
Did you ever write the story about Medieval time you were planning?
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.
Andy -
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Maybe I didn't read this closely enough, sorry.
I never got round to writing my medieval story. Events over took me.
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I am sorry but this is not good. The first one was better and you won a lot of things on it that is why you wrote a second. Your style is great but but but the plot is worn out and not at all instresting. Sorry.
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Thanks
You never know what people will like. There was one person who likes this segment better than Dark Fury. I wrote both Dark Fury and Dark Fury 2 for contests. I tried to keep the same feeling.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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this is a little odd, at least the dialog is. you have a wide imagination. You should keep writing. You. like everyone else, have room to improve. good luck.
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. I hope you have many entries and much fun.
Andy
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The dialog is a little awkward and seems sort of repetitive with all the questions Phillip keeps asking. Maybe add in some more conversation instead of just throwing everything in there.
I like the words you use to describe things, but I don't like the way you put the descriptions together. When you're describing the characters, it reads more like a MySpace bio than something you'd hear in a fictional story.
It was a good plot, but I think you rushed through the story too quickly. I'd like to see this story after you've made a few revisions, it's definitely interesting and there's a lot more you could do with it. Good job and keep up the good work.beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm not good with revisions. Thanks for the suggestions. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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this was good, although leaned more towards a fantasy and.... something else genre which almost fitted my criteria. i did enjoy it, although it wasn't quite what i was looking for. well done though, there was next to no mistakes... actually i didn't spot any. thank you for entering and well done!
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Thanks
I'm glad that this story was close enough to your contest criteria to get by. I'm glad that you like this story. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting.
Andy
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Awsome!
I liked this even more than Dark Fury! You did a splendid job.
Aralìnn
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Thanks Aralinn
If you make your comments a hundred characters or more, you receive points for them which you can use to get more reads, post contests, or use as gifts.
I'm glad you like this story better. I'll have to work over Part one again, I guess.
Andy
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Much better!
See, I actually liked this one much better, as it has more of a flow to it. The exposition doesn't tend to yank you out of the story like the first chapter did. If I had to describe them in similar terms, I'd say the first one was like a dress that was frayed at the edges, worn around the seams. This one was closer to a fresh and crisp shift from the tailor's.beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Thanks
I'm glad that you like this better. It makes me feel that I may be improving. It is nearly two years between these segments. In the next one I am going to have the wedding. I am not certain what the rest of the storyline with be. What suggestions do you have about making the first part better?
Thanks for reading and commenting. I'll read your story today. Might get to it before long, or it may be this evening.
Andy -
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Blend
Like I said, the thing with it was that the jumping between areas pulled me out of the story, they were too abrupt. Find a way to blend the exposition into the story a bit more?
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Ok. So i started this and it was really good, but one thing bothered me. There was to much fantasy here. It was good, but it was past the simple magic type thing. Great job, but not really what i was looking for. Good luck!
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Thanks Bri
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm sorry that you feel there was too much fantasy, but I'm pleased that you felt it was really good. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Good Work!
It's still borderline for tht one guideline, but it'll due. I was really excited to read this when I saw that you had changed it. I wish you luck. -
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Hmm.
I thought I nailed it. What guideline have I borderlined?
It's a sequel to the first story. I think it turned out pretty well. I hope you like it.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Andy
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Well, Andy, I did get a break. Children off to Religion, the rest of the house off to Mass, and this fallen angel could read for a while. I enjoyed this ramble into your ‘Other World’ Realm. You do have a way with these Fantasies. The author's humor comes through now and then and adds to the fun.
While the characters are fairly stock, Hero, Heroine, King, Sorcerer and what, you breathe life and energy into them. I could feel for and sympathize with the lot.
Your descriptions of the people, the land, the battlefield and that marvelous beast are well done. They appeared in my mind as I read. The descriptions weren’t too heavy though and I could have enjoyed more.
I’m not up on this genre, but the dialogue seemed smooth, and the plot moved right along at a good clip without being rushed.
You might want to look at a few things:
"Phillip!" shouted Princess Aspasia to her knight and (fiance.) fiancé
she was often (see ) seen with her pet panther, Shadow.
Phillip knew it (the) to be the creature he had come to meet.
The magical, (dark,) winged unicorn landed in a (dark )smelly land of thick mist and the odor of decay. Dark echoes and the first isn’t needed.
Phillip drew his sword and began to fight with all his might with the soldiers that the golden rod had conjured (up ) to fight with him.
cast a spell on that pool of ( hades,) Hades if I only knew which one," said Phillip.
How would Phillip overcome this obstacle(. ) ?
Phillip touched the top of the pool with his sword.( lt ) This is a small l not a big I--grin
(The king looked well for his age, his dark hair and beard peppered with gray and his mood seemed good.) Doesn’t read right. The king looked well for his age. His dark hair and beard were peppered with gray. His mood seemed good. or The king looked well for his age, his mood seemed good. His dark hair and beard were peppered with gray .
Phillip and King Maldar continued to walk in what they (hoped) was the right direction (hoping) for a sign. Echo. Couldn’t you use praying for a sign.
Hope this is useful,
Geri
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks
Your comments are always useful, but they also mean I have to go back and edit mistakes. And I was so hoping that this time I'd be perfect
I really appreciate getting read at all, so you know I appreciate it even more that you take the time to show me my mistakes. Thanks for the read, the comments, the corrections, and all the applause. Have you been an editor or proof reader?
Andy
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Great story but a bit too much description at some points.
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Thanks
On 'Dark Fury' the first part I was criticized for not having enough description. I don't really know what to expect with this part yet. It is interesting that you felt there's too much. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like the story.
Andy
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