Chapter two- Part eight #1
It was October 15, when Aunt decided to take me room shopping. Considering she had already made a room for me in her old study, she thought it would be nice to go shopping, and to spend some quality time together. In other words, to get to know me more.2
The sun was high above the deep, blue sky, and the temperature was rising by the minute. Ahead of us the homemakers village shed, flashed it's neon green sign in all it's glory. "The best buys in town for your new home". They didn't know how true they were. As we stepped out of the car and into the shop, it was as if I had stepped into a rainbow, their were so many colors, it was just full of endless possibilities.3
Aunt took a cataloge and sat down, on brown, chocolate, leather sofa, asking herself perfectly comfortable.
I snickered, watching her curl up with the pamphlet. She looked up, a grin on her face, "Right Jack, go for your life, when your ready to decide, I'll be right here, putting my feet up". I smiled, "So you not the shopping type, I take it", I laughed, as she sunk deeper into the the chair, "Damn right Jack, so go have fun, enjoy yourself". I nodded "You have a good one", I said and turned away, walking into my own heaven.4
I walked around, touching the fabric, feeling the chair, lying in them, embracing their comfort. I looked at visual art books, decor magazines, searched the whole store, their were to many choices. It was really a dream come true. I had to go with one color, other wise I could really go insane. I chose a few things, carrying them with me, as I made my way back to Aunt, ready to make my purchase. I could have chosen more, but I didn't want to feel like a bludger. 5
Even though I knew that Aunt would never think of me like that. I guess it was just an old habit, an old feeling, one that I'd have to try hard to get rid of, for my benefit. I knew Aunt was only doing what was best for me, trying to make me feel as at home as possible, and it was working.6
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"Here let me help you carry these bags inside", Jaye said, holding out his hand, ready to take the bags inside. I insisted I was fine, it was Aunt who really needed the help, she was the one who needed to be carried inside. She had fallen asleep in the chair, I had left the in before going of on my own. It had taken the managers, forever to wake her up. 7
Obviously embarrassed by her siesta, she agreed on everyone of my decisions and bought everything I suggested,even the thing I took back, thinking they were to expensive. I felt really bad, but she insisted I buy them. She even told the man at the cash register to speed it up, cause the people behind us had began to whisper. She didn't say it with frustration through, she said it with a slight humor in her voice, as if she didn't care what the other people thought about her. I agreed, why should she, it's nothing to be ashamed of.8
It was one of the things I loved about her though, her attempt to see all things in life positively. So she paid the man, still a big smile on her face, filled in some delivery forms for my new bed and dresser, then we made our way home. For a thirty year old women, her sleeping habits reminded me of my late Grandmother Adams. Though who could blame her, with the crummy shift she took, for the money to pay of her house, and to put food on our table. 9
I handed Jaye the bags, and we walked inside. He looked at Aunt, "Shit babe, you look absolutely shattered, have you had a nap today". Aunt and I looked at each other, a smile on our faces. Aunt hugged Jaye, then walked over the the couch, laying down, "Yeah, I guess you could say I have".
Author notes
Hay guys OMG it's part eight.. a little shorty... but then sometimes its good to have a little variety now isn't it..
HOPE YOU LOVING IT...
XOXOX Blair
In a list
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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It is nice to see Jack's aunt help him out and let him pick out whatever he wanted for his room. What does his aunt do for a living any ways and doesn't Jaye help out? Is his aunt Jack's mothers sister or his fathers? and why is she so different from him/her?
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Awww the aunt sounds really sweet how she let him buy all of that stuff like that. Poor thing falling asleep like that lol. Dang talk about being tired lol. Cute chapter, so glad he is with people who seem to be being nicer to him.
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'Aunt took a cataloge and sat down, on brown, chocolate, leather sofa, asking herself perfectly comfortable.' I don't know what that means!
When YOU'RE ready not your. I think you have a lot of re-phrasing to do in paragraph 4 however I did like the opening paragraphs.
'I had left the in before going of on my own.' rephrase it makes no sense.
nice. grammar check though!! -
where are they getting the money to pay for these things? How do they feel about taking on their nephew? I feel like I don't know the aunt and uncle well enough to properly gauge their emotions. As it stands, they're almost too-nice, syrupy-sweet. I keep looking for the ulterior motives. Maybe if he were to overhear a conversation between them about how they feel about taking them on, their feelings would come out a little better and assuage my suspicions
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I loved this chapter you did a great job, but the only thing I have to comment on this is would a boy be so girly about buying things for a room. Maybe he would as he had never had anything he really wanted. I felt that didn't come across, maybe work on that to make this short chapter stronger. Other than that i liked it.
There was an oppuntity for us to get to know his aunty...whatever her name is...to find out what she looked like, what did as a job and so on...
It was October 15(fifteenth), when (my) Aunt decided to take me room shopping. Considering she had already made a room for me in her old study,(. She) she thought it would be nice to go shopping,(delete comma) and to spend some quality time together. In other words, to get to know me more.2
The sun was high above the deep,(delete comma) blue sky,(delete comma) and the temperature was rising by the minute. Ahead of us the homemakers village shed, flashed it's neon green sign in all it's glory.(new line)"The best buys in town for your new home". They didn't know how true they were. As we stepped out of the car and into the shop, it was as if I had stepped into a rainbow,(. There) their were so many colors, it was just full of endless possibilities.3
Aunt (name here) took a cataloge and sat down,(delete comma) on (a)brown,(delete comma) chocolate,(delete comma) leather sofa, asking herself perfectly comfortable.(new line)I snickered, watching her curl up with the pamphlet. She looked up, a grin on her face,(.)
(new line)"Right(,) Jack,(. Go) go for your life, when your(you're) ready to decide,(delete comma) I'll be right here,(. Putting) putting my feet up(.)"[.]
(new line)I smiled, "So you not the shopping type, I take it(?)"[,] I laughed,(delete comma) as she sunk deeper into the the chair,(.)
(new line)"Damn right(,) Jack, so go have fun, enjoy yourself(.)"[.]
(new line)I nodded "You have a good one(,)", I said and turned away, walking into my own heaven.(one question I have here is, how much money does he have to spend???)
I walked around, (this is a boy right???would boys be so touchy??) touching the fabric, feeling the chair, lying in them, embracing their(there) comfort. I looked at visual art books, decor magazines, searched the whole store, their(there) were to many choices. It was really a dream come true. I had to go with one color, other wise I could really go insane. I chose a few things, carrying them with me, as I made my way back to (my) Aunt, ready to make my purchase. I could have chosen more, but I didn't want to feel like a bludger.(we have a chance to find out what the aunt looks like here.....)
Even though I knew that Aunt would never think of me like that. I guess it was just an old habit, an old feeling, one that I'd have to try hard to get rid of,(delete comma) for my benefit. I knew Aunt was only doing what was best for me, trying to make me feel as at home as possible, and it was working.6
***
"Here let me help you carry these bags inside(,)"[,] Jaye said, holding out his hand,(delete comma) ready to take the bags inside.(new line)I insisted I was fine, it was (my)Aunt who really needed the help, she was the one who needed to be carried inside. She had fallen asleep in the chair,(.) I had left the in(the in???) before going of on my own. It had taken the managers,(delete comma) forever to wake her up. 7
Obviously embarrassed by her siesta, she agreed on everyone of my decisions and bought everything I suggested, (space) even the thing I took back, thinking they were to expensive. I felt really bad, but she insisted I buy them. She even told the man at the cash register to speed it up, cause the people behind us had began to whisper. She didn't say it with frustration through, she said it with a slight humor in her voice, as if she didn't care what the other people thought about her. I agreed, why should she, it's nothing to be ashamed of.8
It was one of the things I loved about her though, her attempt to see all things in life positively. So she paid the man, still a big smile on her face, filled in some delivery forms for my new bed and dresser, then we made our way home. For a thirty year old women, her sleeping habits reminded me of my late Grandmother Adams. Though who could blame her, with the crummy shift she took, for the money to pay of her house, and to put food on our table. (this reads fine)
I handed Jaye the bags,(delete comma) and we walked inside. He looked at (my) Aunt,(.)(new line) "Shit babe, you look absolutely shattered, have you had a nap today". Aunt and I looked at each other, a smile on our faces. Aunt hugged Jaye, then walked over the the couch, laying down, "Yeah, I guess you could say I have".
Sarah.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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It was good... a great turn of events from the earlier chapters where it was strife and turmoil... excellent work
DarkOne
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