Chapter Two -part seven #1
Three weeks later 2
"Shut up", I screamed, laughing at the Jaye as he continued to mimic Thin Lizzy, our soon to be English teacher. "Oh love, could you pass me that book, yes that one, oh and please call me Lizzy, Thin Lizzy, I wouldn't want to snap myself in half now, would I ?". I laughed, spitting cornflakes all over the freshly cooked toast, "I said shut up". Though he didn't, he continued as he wiped the mess up of the table. "Oh god, I snapped a finger, whoops I broke a bone, silly me, ha ha ha".3
It was his morning ritual, now days, to mimic the so called less fortunate people we knew. It was his act, his motivation to keep the smile on my face. It worked, it always did, even though sometimes I had to fake it. Today though, it was a complete crack-up. 4
Ever since parent teacher night, and the interviews, were we met our next term English teacher, Jay had taken it upon himself to torment me into fits of laughter, all over some clumsy thin lady who tried to hit on Jaye, Even though she was married. It surprised me at first, that she had forgotten all about our first meeting, only a few weeks ago, let alone Jaye's hilarious, one of a kind, lay back manly voice. Though even with her chronic amnesia, it was a funny site to see my new teacher taking a pass at my uncle, before even beginning to remember who he was, or that we already know where, she lives and who she lives with for that matter. Sorry to say, but the reviews were bad, and if her husband was filling a divorce, I can see why, her husband was a pig face rat who never left there house, and well their house smelt like a one stop vomit farm.5
"Now get ready for some ass whooping mate, look at this floor, someones going to have to lick this up". I looked to the floor, at the puddle of milk and crunched up cornflakes crumbs. "Three guesses who I think can clean it up", I smiled looking at Jaye, "Duvet", I screamed. Momentarily my best friend arrived, looking at the mess, like he had just won the Doggy lottery. "Eat up boy", I said lifting my plate above my head, placing it on the ground beside him.6
Jaye gave me a funny look and sighed, "Well at least we know it's cleaned up". I smiled and he handed me a brown paper bag, which held our lunch. I handed him the keys from the kitchen bowl, handing them to him. We both pushed our chairs in, watching Duvet as he slurped up my cereal. "best not tell your Aunt about this", Jaye said ruffling Duvets hair. I nodded, giving him a pat, he licked my hand.7
"Alright mate, are you ready to go clean this house, cause if your not we can do it another day".8
I shook my head, 'No I'm ready to do it now, well as ready as I'm ever gonna be, and anyway, I got to face it someday, and theirs no time like the present.9
Jaye nodded, "Alright then, lets get this over and done with".10
***11
We stood outside the front door, buckets and brooms, you name it, we'll clean it. equipment in a large container ready to be used, to scrub away the final memories of my old life, before I could move on.12
It had seemed that I know knew, that my parents had everything planned, one thing being to sell the house. It was already on the market, and they had left all the dirty work to us.13
One week after they had disappeared, Aunt thought it was best to try and sell the house. So that it's memories wouldn't haunt me. Getting rid of any bad feng-shui and karma that was still floating around, blocking me from moving on with my life. So she went and booked and appointment to sell the house, only to find out Dad had already asked the real estate to put it on the market months before we actually moved in, apparently they were just waiting until there secret house was ready.14
The woman also mentioned to my Aunt that my parents had left a message, a message to be delivered to a boy named Jack if he were to ask questions. It took a while for Aunt to tell me at first, but I finally got it out of her. I think her exact words were, no pain, no gain, but Aunt thinks she made the whole thing up, as the next thing the woman told her was that the house had to be thoroughly cleaned, so we could get the money from the sale. How this worked out, I will never know, but it had to be done, even though none of us wanted their dirty money.15
I had pondered what the woman had told Aunt, and when I thought about it, I wasn't so sure she was lying, though I'm not so sure of anything anymore, especially anything that concerns my parents.16
***
considering the dust my Mum used to always complain about, the house was not that dirty at all. Miraculously it only took us four hours to give it a good clean, that included the top and bottom floor.17
it was hard washing the dirt away, that had been left by the old frames that used to hand on the walls. After all this was my Grandmothers house, and she had lived in it her whole life, before handing it generously over to my mother on her death bed. It was even harder though to clean all the rooms that had once held so many memories, but at the same time it felt good, so good, to wash it all away. To wash away all the pain and hate , that still remained from that awful day.18
Once the house was done, Jaye mowed the lawn and did some weeding in the garden, just to make sure the whole place looked presentable. I watched him, standing in the hot sun, awaiting the moment we could kiss this place behind. Finally after Jaye washed the dirt of his hands, we were ready to go. He grabbed the key, doing a check of all the windows and doors, and looked the front door behind us. "Good ridden to bad Karma", he said, shoving the keys into his back pocket.19
I was ready, finally ready to say goodbye, to all those lost memories and all the memories that could have been. I waved goodbye to all the thoughts of anger, of happiness of sadness that had brought me to were I was today. Who made me the person I was today. I waved goodbye to all my childhood years, the start of my teenage years, and to the two weeks I had spent with my parents in this god forsaken house. Some things are better left to rest.20
As we threw the things into the boot of Aunts car, Jaye gave me a big hug, ruffling my hair, "I'm proud of you Jack, you did a good job today". I smiled, wrapping my arms tightly around him, "Yeah but I had a lot of help".
He laughed , opening th car door for me, and I got in. The tears falling from my eyes.21
I was ready, ready to say hello to my new life, a much happier one, one with people loved me enough to care. As we drove out of the driveway I gave the house one final look, wiping my eyes clean, their was no point in crying over spilt milk.22
It as scary to know, that one thing, however small it may have been, had made me see life in a different light. This was a blessing in disguise, and I was thankful that my parents left me here, they could go and live their own life's, It was all for the best, it was all meant to be. 23
I leaned into Jaye as we drove out of the street, this part of my life was dead and over with, I was ready to move on, ready to see where life was going to take me, ready to start a new journey.
Author notes
I hope you all are enjoying Trans-Jenna as much as im enjoying writing it...
Blair xoxo
In a list
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Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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wow, his parents actually put the house up for sale before they left... harsh, they must have been planning this for a long time. at least his Aunt and Jaye are standing by him. It was funny that Jaye was hit on by Thin Lizzy, is she really a teacher LOL.
on to the next chapter.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hope you thanked....
...your reader, 'daydreamer' for the editing and suggestions made, this being your first novel, many things to correct and I am sure you did....
Not sure how old Jack is...but he must be younger than I thought to be so dependent on those around him and so indecisive about his own life, just taking what comes and feeling grateful...dunnoo....think I am about done for the evening...
be well and thank you...
amicus...
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So glad that he was able to live with aunt and Jaye and that he is moving on past the horrible thing that his parents did to him. I couldn't help but laugh at that part with the dog lol. Nice clean up machine there! The descriptions used for cleaning the house were very well done. Great chapter
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Is Jaye a man/woman or transexual. There is so many uses of she,him and Jaye that I am getting confused. Please clarify. 'who never left THEIR' house' not there house. 'Theres no time like the present' not theirs no time like the present. riddence not ridden. Okay reading all the way through I think Jaye is a man, but in the first couple of paragraphs you use she instead of he. If this was not intended change it, if it was explain it. Also soo many commas that are not needed.
Again, compelling write but the grammatical errors are really frustrating! -
I feel like when you go through and revise this, you might want to go a little more slowly when describing the transition between him finding out about his parents and him moving in with the aunt and uncle. This just jumps so quickly, it's hard for their emotions and dialogue to be very convincing to me
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Hi Blair, me again.
Right this chapter was good, gave us a few answers to our questions, which is great. Now we can see what else life can throw at him. I do feel we could do with seeing his aunty, what is she like, what does she do? What is her name? You have mentioned her a few times but we only see Jaye....
"Shut up(,)"[,] I screamed, laughing at the Jaye as he continued to mimic Thin Lizzy, our soon to be English teacher.(isn't Jaye to old to be at school, si it would be his teacher to be)
(new linw)"Oh love, could you pass me that book, yes that one, oh and please call me(,) Lizzy,(.) Thin Lizzy, I wouldn't want to snap myself in half now, would I ?"[.] I laughed, spitting cornflakes all over the freshly cooked toast, ["]I said, (")shut up(.)"[.]
(new line)Though he didn't, he continued as he wiped the mess up of the table. "Oh god, I snapped a finger, whoops I broke a bone, silly me, ha ha ha(,)"[.]3
It was his morning ritual, now days, to mimic the so called less fortunate people we knew. It was his act, his motivation to keep the smile on my face. It worked, it always did, even though sometimes I had to fake it. Today though, it was a complete crack-up. 4
Ever since parent teacher night,(delete comma) and the interviews, (delete comma)were(where) we met our next term English teacher,(.) Jay(e) had taken it upon himself to torment me into fits of laughter, all over some clumsy thin lady who tried to hit on Jaye,(.) Even though she was married. It surprised me at first, that she had forgotten all about our first meeting, only a few weeks ago,( Let) let alone Jaye's hilarious, one of a kind, lay back manly voice. Though even with her chronic amnesia, it was a funny site to see my new teacher taking(do you mean making??) a pass at my uncle, before even beginning to remember who he was, or that we already know where,(delete comma) she lives and who she lives with for that matter. Sorry to say, but the reviews were bad, and if her husband was filling a divorce, I can see why, her husband was a pig face rat who never left there(their) house, and well their house smelt like a one stop vomit farm. (so we do get to meet her again....)
"Now get ready for some ass whooping mate, look at this floor, someones going to have to lick this up(.)"[.](new line)I looked to the floor, at the puddle of milk and crunched up cornflakes crumbs. "Three guesses who I think can clean it up(,)"[,] I smiled looking at Jaye,(.) "Duvet(,)"[,] I screamed. Momentarily my best friend arrived, looking at the mess, like he had just won the Doggy lottery. "Eat up boy(,)"[,] I said(,) lifting my plate above my head,(and)delete comma) placing it on the ground beside him.6
Jaye gave me a funny look and sighed, "Well at least we know it's cleaned up(.)"[.](new line)I smiled and he handed me a brown paper bag, which held our(who else's lunch is in the bag??) lunch. I handed him the keys from the kitchen bowl(.), handing them to him.]don't need this part) We both pushed our chairs in, watching Duvet as he slurped up my cereal.
"best(Best) not tell your Aunt about this(,)", Jaye said ruffling Duvets hair. I nodded, giving him a pat, he licked my hand.(Why is the dog called Duvet, as in England that's a bed blanket???)
"Alright mate, are you ready to go clean this house(what house?), cause if your not we can do it another day".8
I shook my head, 'No I'm ready to do it now, well as ready as I'm ever gonna be, and anyway, I got to face it someday, and theirs(there's) no time like the present.9
Jaye nodded, "Alright then, lets get this over and done with".10
***11
We stood outside the front door, buckets and brooms, you name it (we had it and we were ready to clean anything.), we'll clean it. (Equipment) equipment in a large container ready to be used, to scrub away the final memories of my old life, before I could move on.12
It had seemed that I know(now) knew, (delete comma)that my parents had everything planned,(, One) one thing being to sell the house. It was already on the market,(delete comma) and they had left all the dirty work to us.13
One week after they had disappeared,(delete comma) (my) Aunt thought it was best to try and sell the house. So that it's memories wouldn't haunt me. Getting rid of any bad feng-shui and karma that was still floating around, blocking me from moving on with my life. So she went and booked and appointment to sell the house, only to find out Dad had already asked the real estate to put it on the market months before we actually moved in, apparently they were just waiting until there secret house was ready.14
The woman also mentioned to my Aunt that my parents had left a message,(. A) a message to be delivered to a boy named Jack if he were to ask questions. It took a while for Aunt to tell me at first, but I finally got it out of her. I think her exact words were, no pain, no gain, but (my) Aunt thinks she made the whole thing up, as the next thing the woman told her was that the house had to be thoroughly cleaned, so we could get the money from the sale. How this worked out, I will never know, but it had to be done, even though none of us wanted their dirty money.15
I had pondered what the woman had told Aunt, and when I thought about it, I wasn't so sure she was lying, though I'm not so sure of anything anymore, especially anything that concerns my parents.16
***
considering the dust my Mum used to always complain about, the house was not that dirty at all. Miraculously it only took us four hours to give it a good clean, that included the top and bottom floor.17
it was hard washing the dirt away, that had been left by the old frames that used to hand on the walls. After all this was my Grandmothers house, and she had lived in it her whole life, before handing it generously over to my mother on her death bed. It was even harder though to clean all the rooms that had once held so many memories, but at the same time it felt good, so good, to wash it all away. To wash away all the pain and hate ,(delete comma) that still remained from that awful day.18
Once the house was done, Jaye mowed the lawn and did some weeding in the garden, just to make sure the whole place looked presentable. I watched him, standing in the hot sun,(. Awaiting) awaiting the moment we could kiss this place behind. Finally after Jaye washed the dirt of his hands, we were ready to go. He grabbed the key, doing a check of all the windows and doors,(delete comma) and looked(locked) the front door behind us.(new line)"Good ridden to bad Karma(,)"[,] he said, shoving the keys into his back pocket.19
I was ready,(. Finally) finally ready to say goodbye,(delete comma) to all those lost memories and all the memories that could have been. I waved goodbye to all the thoughts of anger, of happiness of sadness that had brought me to were(where) I was today. Who made me the person I was(am) today. I waved goodbye to all my childhood (memories)years, the start of my teenage years, and to the two weeks I had spent with my parents in this god forsaken house. Some things are better left to rest.20
As we threw the things into the boot of (my)Aunts car, Jaye gave me a big hug, ruffling my hair,(.)(new line)"I'm proud of you(,) Jack,(. You) you did a good job today(.)"[.]
(new line)I smiled, wrapping my arms tightly around him, "Yeah but I had a lot of help(.)"[.]
(space between this line and one above.)He laughed , opening th car door for me, and I got in. The tears falling from my eyes.21
I was ready, ready to say hello to my new life,(. A) a much happier one, one with people loved me enough to care. As we drove out of the driveway I gave the house one final look, wiping my eyes clean, their(there) was no point in crying over spilt milk.22
It as scary to know,(delete comma) that one thing, however small it may have been, had made me see life in a different light. This was a blessing in disguise, and I was thankful that my parents left me here, they could go and live their own life's(lives.), It was all for the best, it was all meant to be. 23
I leaned into Jaye as we drove out of the street, this part of my life was dead and over with, I was ready to move on,(. Ready) ready to see where life was going to take me, ready to start a new journey.Sarah.
beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 3, characters: 3.
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This was good... I'm glad that he was able to move on and get on with his life... great character building here... just keep an eye on the spelling and your stories will improve dramatically...
DarkOne -
awe,
I love how it shows how differently she thinks and how mature.
I enjoyed reading it very much.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very nicely written
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