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In the middle of reading the chat room dialogue, my phone rang. I picked it up and sang "Buenos Noches" into the phone.2
A pause followed by, "Hi... Is Molly there?" A female voice.3
Bored with the chat room dialogue, I decided not to tell her she had a wrong number. Instead I said, "No, Molly hasn't arrived yet."4
"Hasn't arrived?"5
"No, her plane arrives at 10:30."6
"Her plane?" Confusion had set in.7
"Yeah, you didn't think she was driving, did ya?"8
"Where's she been?"9
"Well, you know Molly. She loves to travel."10
"I didn't know that."11
I clicked out of the I'm An Evil PopTart chat room and popped into New York Weirdos. "But I guess you mean where'd she go this time?" I said.12
"I guess so." Said with more confusion.13
"She flew to New York -- for the audition."14
"The audition?"15
"Yeah, she's changing careers. She wants to be a Broadway actress."16
"Are you serious?"17
"Serious as a heart attack," I assured her. A long pause followed, so I clicked into the Female Chained to a Bed chat room. "And who are you?" I asked.18
"I'm...I'm her friend. Jane"19
"The one she calls Jane in Chains?"20
"Who is this?" She sputtered into the phone.21
"I'm Stone. Her agent.22
"Her agent?"23
"Yeah, she's letting me live here."24
"Live there?" Utter disbelief through the phone.25
"Why do you question everything I tell you?" I asked.26
"Is this 298-2000?"27
"Of course it is. Isn't this the number you wanted?"28
"I wanted Molly."29
"I don't blame you. I want her too."30
"Are you sure this is the right number?"31
"Of course I'm sure," I said and clicked into the Hot Christian Bi-Sexuals chat room. "Are you a lesbian or just bi-sexual?"32
"I don't believe there is a Molly," the voice said.33
"Then why would you call up and ask for her?"34
"I mean I don't believe you know Molly."35
"Seems I know more about her than you do, Jane."36
"I think you're just wasting my time."37
"Oh, it's not a waste at all," I laughed. "Think how much you've learned about Molly."38
"But you're making everything up," Jane argued.39
"I'm like that, you know."40
"So I've deduced."41
"Deduced?" I clicked out of Hot Christian Bi-Sexuals and popped into Females For Phone Sex. "That's a very fancy word for a wrong-number-call."42
"I'm gonna hang up now," she warned.43
"Any message for Molly when she arrives?"44
"There is no Molly," Jane said.45
"How dare you make prank calls," I laughed. Then I hung up on her and clicked into the Jesus Answers Prayer room. It was a very slow night on AOL.46
Author notes
I thought it was time to start posting some of my stories.
So I'll start with this one, which I wrote last year.
This was the first story I had published, in the first issue
of Znine, the University of Texas at Arlington's literary
web magazine.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Rocking its socks off
The ONLY time a story has made me actually laugh out loud. I wasn't in stitches, but I was laughing incredibly loud. Nothing in the humour category has ever made me laugh out loud. I should try that next time they ring up and ask for Amanda... Barbie. Xx
Edited on Jun 10, 7:20 because 'I'm stupid - so, sue me.'. -
lol! a beautiful bit of dialog here
I've done something like this myself. I like to try to sell people stuff who are calling me trying to sell ME stuff. they never get the barter part especially when they realize I'm dealing in chickens and pigs 
flawless. VERY unique. want some pigs?
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Enthralling
Wonderful...more ..more
shastadaisey123 -
thank you, Nicole, for appreciating the humor. life is generally humorous, don't you think?
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Oh this is just superb! Very creative story...I like how you flipped from talking to her to surfing to the different chatrooms. It flowed smoothly throughout the story, and added to the intrigue and humor of it! Excellent!
Nicole -
LOL....I like this alot...like venus in furs said...im doin this next time.....great story
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Hah, I like this; wrong numbers finally have a purpose! I have to do this next time...
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Great story!
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wow! eight comments on this story since I last signed on!
(did someone "feature" this while I was away??)I'm baffled,
but I truly appreciate the time you all took to read my
story and comment on it. truly gratifying!
lol@insomniaticspiral for calling me a Renaissance man.
I've been called a cave man before, but not renaissance man.
lol@myrataal for cautioning me about viruses in the chatrooms!
myra, there are even worse things than viruses in there!!
lol@mtpoet for your anecdote! your humor convinces me that we
are kindred spirits. I just LOVE wrong number calls. -
hilarious
*Flips over to guy making a review* Yeah, that was pretty awesome. I liked how playful it was -you really played on the ignorance of "Jane" very well and the style itself almosts invites the reader to kid around with you about it.
*Flips over to a fan of yours*
I like the concept of the changing modes (obviously:-) and the speech patterns used were very appropriate I think.
Anyway - that rocked.
-Alyn -
Travis, you are my kind of answer phone man... I did this recently with a nephew who called my sister's house to talk to a girfiend who was there... I got on the phone instead... He kept asking who I was--I kept telling him I was Tobe(his name)... told him I was under the rug naked with his girlfriend & that he would have to come cut a rug to get us us out... He still does not know who he was talking to... Hung up--his friend would call him back--I would get on the phone & he would always ask the same questions... I would always answer the same that I was Tobe--he would hang up... It was so funny--everyone left what they were doing just to hear my one sided conversation with him... He got so he would call back--ask--get answers--hang up... Enjoyed this...
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This was so good, I love it I laigh this was just to GREAT. I do hope that you will do more I love this. I think I all ready said that oh well you know i like it GREAT WRITE thank you for shareing
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HEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHE
sounds like something my twisted mind would do!
(and has done!)
hehehehehehehe
blessed be
mike -
OH!
Perhaps you could've layered it more by letting Jane be a Molly you really know!
And if you did not say it was fiction, it could've been true ...
You would not believe what I would've believed!
I love indulding myself in this confusing conversations in real life - it may become hilarious!
Thanks for sharing, Travis.
Kindest Regards,
Myra
(Ps - Stay out of the Chat Rooms - some virusses one may pick up there ... )
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delightful
Very clever indeed, and hey, the whole thing is possible! I'm sure we all think of those 'wrong numbers' and wonder 'why didn't i say something clever like this?' Thank you, I'm new here, and I'm having ever so much fun! -
I'm not surprised this was published! A really excellent, funny read and I'm congratulating myself on putting you on my favourites list.
You said you wrote this in ten minutes. It's great sometimes, when you get an idea, to work through it straight away - you get a sort of purity and intensity without the risk that your attention span will wander. Of course, we should be able to extend that to a steadier effort over time, but often we can't, especially if the 'vision' is fleeting. Though sometimes I find that hard to admit
Edited on May 03, 4:44 because ''. -
thank you, Red. I'm glad this story made you smile.
I wrote it strictly t amuse people.
actually, I wrote this in ten minutes in a class at UT
last year. I was surprised at how popular it became. -
ah, JD, you picked up on the edit. LOL.
I figured you would. well, I HAD to do it. LOL.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. -
thanks, amicus. being fully immersed into the poetry site is my problem. LOL it has taken me away from my prose writing. I hope to change that and work more on my stories.
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lol I absolutely love this story...I had a huge smile on my throughout. What a stinker. I used to frequent chat rooms. I quit about two years ago, it got too painful for me. Funny though there are a lot of strange chatrooms out there. Thanks for the laugh Travis.
Red -
Well, it's still fucking awesome. I see that you did some editing. Hehe. That was sheer brilliance. You are a crafty buzzard. Delicious. The humor here is just spectacular. So slick and just yum. This is the kind of funny that I like.
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thanks, Danna! this makes me feel very good. this is the first
story I've posted and I'm glad you made the first comment!
I plan to post more. thanks again! -
Oh, Travis! This had me smiling... I have not smiled this much in so long... I loved it! It took me back to a wrong number I dialed a couple of years ago when my hubby and I had split up (we're back together) I actually met the guy at a bar... and that is as much as I will give away... LOL, but anyway, I LOVED This piece. Don't see much to critique.... this was just a feel good read for me.
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