A simple Halloween party that turned out to be a very spooky experience! It will all start out as fun and games, but then it will turn out to be simply the opposite. Laughter will turn out to be screams, and happiness will turn to fright. Now, here is how the story began.1
As Mina was handing out invitations to kids to her spooktacular Halloween party during class, some kids were following her. Half of them were her zombie minions who just listen and obey, and the other half were just fans. Mina is 13, and the zombie minions are 12 which makes Mina the older, popular, and obvious leader. Mina could only invite 40 kids to her party. Ten of them are her friends, zombie minions. Ten other kids of the 40 kids she is inviting are her fans. Luckily, ten of the boys who she is going to invite are in her class. Out of the ten boys Mina is going to invite she has a crush on, and the nine others are his friends. Ten are left, but she doesn’t know who else to invite; but then the boy which Mina has a crush on asked if his friends could invite other people. Mina said yes to Jack, the boy Mina has a crush on. Jack is 13, and he is an athletic boy. She really disliked one of the 10 girls she was going to invite for Jack’s friends, and her name is Mimichi.. 2
“Hi, Mimichi. I’m going to invite you, and 9 very close friends to my Halloween party. It is going to be spooktacular! Please, come,” Mina’s disgust was noticed, but Mimichi ignored it. 3
“Sure, I will go. My friends will come, too,” Mimichi said without disgust, but she sure does feel disgust against Mina.4
When Mina left so that she can go home because it was at the end of the school day when she invited Mimichi and her friends, Ava, a mischievous girl, started telling Mimichi how many ways they could scare Mina.5
“Mimichi, we could scare her by pretending there are ghosts!” Ava said quickly.6
“ The party is at an old house that is supposed to be haunted, and there is a cemetery in the back of the “haunted” house,” Mimichi said, she used her fingers as quotations marks when she said haunted.7
“Oh, that’s great! The setting makes it perfect to scare the wits out of Mina! Ha, ha, ha, ha!” Ava was planning her little evil scheme in her mind already. Once she is there, no one can get her out of it. 8
“Ava, earth to Ava! Hello, get out of your evil scheming world!” Lily said. Lily could make up these tales.9
“What? Oh, right. Sorry, just getting Mina scared seems so much fun! Muuhahaha!” Ava laughed evilly.10
“Ava! Come back to the real world!” Emily, a smart girl said.11
“Right, I have to go now. Bye, guys,” Ava said.12
Everybody left to their home, after school, or where they had to go. Everyday Ava was planning her scheme to scare Mina, and she decided to get some people to help her. Lily, Bocnhy, Mariposa, her other 6 close friends, and anybody else who wants to help/ Everyday her plans are getting more scary. Ava is planning to hide in the dark, paint her face like a ghost, look dead, sound dead, and act like a dead person haunting Mina. All Ava had to do was act like a ghost who doesn’t want any visitors in the house. Problem is that Ava needs to practice acting like a dead person, and trying not to laugh. Also, Mina is going to have trouble looking like a ghost, but she will figure out a way. 13
It was now, the day of Mina’s spooktacular Halloween party, and it was time for the Halloween party. Mainly all of the girls in the Halloween party are angels, witches, fairies, princesses, animals, cheerleaders, or famous people. Ava found out a way how to look exactly like a ghost, and acting like one she had learned quickly. Only Lily, Bonchy, Ava’s 6 other close friends, and Mariposa were helping her. Everybody who Mina invited was at the party, and the haunted really looked creepy. Mina greeted everyone at the party then 1 hour passed. Mina’s parents were supervising the kids, and they told Mina that her party could only be 3 hours long.14
Ava, Bonchy, Lily, and Mariposa were hiding in the dark or in the cemetery. The parents of Mina let Mina’s 40 friends look around the house so that’s how they were able to hide. Mina’s parents friends came by, and they were waiting outside the haunted house so Mina’s parents were going to stay outside in front of the haunted house to talk to their friends; and they told Mina and the kids to behave. 15
Then Bonchy who was waiting in the basement of the haunted house which was really scary turned off all the lights in the house. Everybody except Bonchy, Mariposa, Lily, Ava, and Ava’s 6 other close friends were scared. Lily came out from the dark in the room where everybody was, and scared them. They screamed, and then Bonchy turned on one light of a room. All of the kids ran there, but Mariposa was there to scare them; and she did. Then Bonchy turned of that room’s light. She turned on another room’s light on, and Lily was waiting there to scare them; and she did. It went on like that for a while then it stopped, but Ava was waiting for them in the cemetery. They ran out to the cemetery because Lily and Mariposa was scaring them to leave them only one choice, and that is to go to the cemetery. 16
“How dare you! Leave this house, 0r suffer the consequences! Leave my house, now!” Ava said evilly.17
“No! We won’t leave! Right, guys?” Mina asked her friends, but they shook their head no. They would have ran away, but they couldn’t because Mariposa and Lily was surrounding them.18
“Bad choice! Minions get them!” Ava said evilly. 19
“Yes, we will,” Mariposa and Lily said very dead-like.20
“No!!!” Mina and her friends screamed. Lily and Mariposa came closer to them.21
“Boo! Muuhahaha!” Mariposa and Lily said.22
“Huh? What?” Mina said.23
“Mina, this was all a joke. That’s Lily and Mariposa over there. We just pretended to be ghosts,” Ava said.24
“What?! Wait, how about Mimichi and her 6 other friends?” Mina screamed with anger, confusion, and fright.25
“Bonchy is in the basement controlling the lights .Mimichi and are other friends were acting scared,” Ava said.26
“ I can’t believe you guys did that! Err!” Mina said. Mina went back into the houseroom for Bonchy. She didn’t come back. Everybody went back inside the “haunted” house, but first they looked for anything to that will help them see in the dark. They found old lanterns and candles, and they found the matches to light them. Then they checked the basement for Bonchy and Mina. No one was there, and then they decided to spread out to check out the house for Mina and Bonchy. One by one the kids disappeared, and Ava was the last one in the “haunted” house. She came back to the room where all of the kids were before having fun.27
“Guys, where are you?” Ava screamed in fright.28
“Ava, I’m here,” Bonchy said.29
“We are here, too,” Mimichi and Ava’s other close friends said.30
“Guys, there you are! I was scared to death! Where were you, guys? What happened to you guys? I thought you were… gone,” Ava burst into tears. She ran to them, but then she stopped. Ava was 5 feet away from them, but she saw a creepy thing behind them. Its eyes were glowing red, claws so sharp that could rip you into shreds, teeth so pointy that could easily sink into your bones and flesh, and its skin was exactly like the color white. A huge, ugly, and terrifying spirit. It laughed so wickedly!31
“Now, you will pay for what you have done in my beautiful house. You kids think you could take away my house, and use it for fun?!” the spirit screamed madly.32
“I’m sorry!” Ava cried, and her friends dropped unconsciously on the floor. The spirit was controlling them to lure Ava. They had so many scratches, bruises, cuts, and bite marks. Ava just stood there speechless, numb, and scared. She wanted to run, but couldn’t move. The spirit made Ava unconscious, and took the other 9 unconscious bodies.33
Mina’s parents friends noticed that the whole house was completely dark and quiet, and they told Mina’s parents. They went back into the house with their friends, and the door slammed behind them. Before the parents and their friends could say a word, they were made unconscious and dragged by the spirit where it would put with the other trapped bodies.34
That is the end of Mina’s spooktacular party, and after that day no one knows what has happened to Mina, Mina’s friends, parents, and Mina’s parent’s friends. The ones who tried to find out what had happened, and discovered that the last place they were was at Mina’s Halloween party. They never came back outside, and they just stayed stuck inside the haunted house with the others. They all fell in those evil and sharp claws of that thing, the spirit.35
Author notes
Yeah,I know its long.Yeah,itnots so descriptive.Yeah,it not that iteresting.Yeah,its not that great.Yeah,the beginning its not catchy.So waht???Anyway,it was just supposed to be a quick Halloween story. ^_^Enjoy!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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You have improve a little bit your writing. A least your writing is not so close to together like it is in the author notes, but like you said, you were rushing. The only think you need to work on is your grammar. Oh, more think, when you write numbers, make sure you write it has a word. It's okay to write it as a draft, but if you are going to post it on story write, write it as a word. That's how you are supposed to write it if you were to publish a book or something. I also change some sentences around to make it sound better. I hope that is okay.
Here are some thinks that I have fix up:
Mina is 13, and the zombie minions are 12 which makes Mina the older, popular, and obvious leader. Mina could only invite 40 kids to her party. Ten of them are her friends, zombie minions. Ten other kids of the 40 kids she is inviting are her fans. Luckily, ten of the boys who she is going to invite are in her class.Out of the ten boys Mina is going to invite she has a crush on, and the nine others are his friends. Ten are left, but she doesn’t know who else to invite; but then the boy which Mina has a crush on asked if his friends could invite other people. Mina said yes to Jack, the boy Mina has a crush on. Jack is 13, and he is an athletic boy. She really disliked one of the 10 girls she was going to invite for Jack’s friends, and her name is Mimichi.. [Mina was thirteen, and the zombie minions were twelve which makes Mina the older, popular, and obvious leader. Mina could only invite forty kids to her party. Ten of them were her friends, zombie minions. Ten other kids of the forty kids she invited were her fans. Luckily, ten of the boys who she was going to invite were in her class. Out of the ten boys Mina was going to invite she had a crush on, and the nine others were his friends.Ten were left, but she didn't know who else to invite; but then the boy which Mina had a crush on asked if his friends could invite other people. Mina said yes to Jack, the boy Mina had a crush on. Jack was also thirteen, and he was an athletic boy. She really disliked one of the ten girls she was going to invite for Jack’s friends, and her name was Mimichi.]
“Hi, Mimichi. I’m going to invite you, and 9 very close friends to my Halloween party. It is going to be spooktacular! Please, come,” Mina’s disgust was noticed, but Mimichi ignored it. [“Hi, Mimichi. I’m going to invite you, and nine very close friends to my Halloween party. It is going to be spooktacular! Please, come,” Mina’s disgust was noticed, but Mimichi ignored it. ]
When Mina left so that she can go home because it was at the end of the school day when she invited Mimichi and her friends, Ava, a mischievous girl, started telling Mimichi how many ways they could scare Mina. [When school was over, Mina left so she could go home. She invited Mimichi and her friends, Ava, a mischievous girl, started telling Mimichi how many ways they could scare Mina.]
“Oh, that’s great! The setting makes it perfect to scare the wits out of Mina! Ha, ha, ha, ha!” Ava was planning her little evil scheme in her mind already. Once she is there, no one can get her out of it. [“Oh, that’s great! The setting makes it perfect to scare the wits out of Mina! Ha, ha, ha, ha!” Ava was planning her little evil scheme in her mind already. Once she was there, no one can get her out of it.]
Everybody left to their home, after school, or where they had to go. Everyday Ava was planning her scheme to scare Mina, and she decided to get some people to help her. Lily, Bocnhy, Mariposa, her other 6 close friends, and anybody else who wants to help/ Everyday her plans are getting more scary. Ava is planning to hide in the dark, paint her face like a ghost, look dead, sound dead, and act like a dead person haunting Mina. All Ava had to do was act like a ghost who doesn’t want any visitors in the house. Problem is that Ava needs to practice acting like a dead person, and trying not to laugh. [Everybody left to go home, after school activities, or where ever they had to go. Everyday Ava was planning her scheme to scare Mina, and she decided to get some people to help her. Lily, Bocnhy, Mariposa, and her other six close friends, and anybody else who wanted to help out. Everyday her plans were getting more scary. Ava was planning to hide in the dark, paint her face like a ghost, look dead, sound dead, and act like a dead person haunting Mina. All Ava had to do was act like a ghost who doesn’t want any visitors in the house. Problem was that Ava needed to practice acting like a dead person, and trying not to laugh.]
It was now, the day of Mina’s spooktacular Halloween party, and it was time for the Halloween party. Mainly all of the girls in the Halloween party are angels, witches, fairies, princesses, animals, cheerleaders, or famous people. Ava found out a way how to look exactly like a ghost, and acting like one she had learned quickly. Only Lily, Bonchy, Ava’s 6 other close friends, and Mariposa were helping her. Everybody who Mina invited was at the party, and the haunted really looked creepy. Mina greeted everyone at the party then 1 hour passed. Mina’s parents were supervising the kids, and they told Mina that her party could only be 3 hours long. [It was now, the day of Mina’s spooktacular Halloween party, and it was time for the Halloween party. Mainly all of the girls at the Halloween party were angels, witches, fairies, princesses, animals, cheerleaders, or famous people. Ava found out a way how to look exactly like a ghost, and acting like one she had learned quickly. Only Lily, Bonchy, Ava’s six other close friends, and Mariposa were helping her. Everybody who Mina invited was at the party, and the haunted really looked creepy. Mina greeted everyone at the party then an hour (it sounds better to say an hour instead of one hour) passed. Mina’s parents were supervising the kids, and they told Mina that her party could only be three hours long.]
The parents of Mina let Mina’s 40 friends look around the house so that’s how they were able to hide. [The parents of Mina let Mina’s forty friends look around the house so that’s how they were able to hide.]
Everybody except Bonchy, Mariposa, Lily, Ava, and Ava’s 6 other close friends were scared. [Everybody except Bonchy, Mariposa, Lily, Ava, and Ava’s six other close friends were scared. ]
“How dare you! Leave this house, 0r suffer the consequences! Leave my house, now!” Ava said evilly.
[“How dare you! Leave this house, or suffer the consequences! Leave my house, now!” Ava said evilly.]
“What?! Wait, how about Mimichi and her 6 other friends?” Mina screamed with anger, confusion, and fright. [“What?! Wait, how about Mimichi and her six other friends?” Mina screamed with anger, confusion, and fright.]
Ava was 5 feet away from them, but she saw a creepy thing behind them. [Ava was five feet away from them, but she saw a creepy thing behind them.]
The spirit made Ava unconscious, and took the other 9 unconscious bodies. [The spirit made Ava unconscious, and took the other nine unconscious bodies.]


beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thanks!
Thank you for taking your time for reading and correcting me. I really do appreciate it. Thank you so much!
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My bad!
I rushed at the author's notes!I know how to spell. I just rushed!Sorry!


