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A cherry red Mustang with two broad, white racing stripes running from the hood all the way back and a hood scoop rumbled up the road leading into the small, back-country town of Roshi. At the stop sign, the 18-year-old driver revved the V8 engine which was amplified by the big muffler. 1

“Oh, ho, he wasn’t kidding when he said he got a sweet car,” commented Jase.2

“Aw man, that thing is awesome!” envied 17-year-old Todd.3

Three teenaged boys stood in the small parking lot of the general store, which carried merchandise anywhere from wedding invitations to shotgun ammunition. 4

Matt elbowed Jase in the side. “Ain’t you glad your momma made you go to college even though you dropped out before the first semester ended? I mean, that’s where you met him, innit?” he said motioning to the Mustang that waited for another car to turn at the intersection.5

“College? Heck, the only reason I even went to that damn place was for the beer and the girls.”6

“And he couldn’t handle neither one of ‘em.”7

The boy’s laughter was interrupted by the sound of squealing tires on hot blacktop. Raucous cheers went up from the boys as the Mustang left a cloud of smoke and roared down the road towards them, making a sharp turn into the parking lot and peeling more rubber in the process.8

More cheers went around as the boys ran over to the car and crowded around the driver’s door. The tall, dark-haired driver stepped from the car, smiling amidst the small throng of friends. 9

“Whoee,” said Jase as he ran his hand along the hood of the Mustang, examining it, “Zac, this car is nothin’ short of amazing.”10

Blond-haired Jase stood exactly level with Zac at six feet tall, while Matt and Todd were only inches shorter. 11

“Howdy boys,” came a sweet voice from behind them. The four boys turned towards the front of the store to see Jessi Donovan leaning against the wall, her pretty strawberry blonde curls cascading partway down her back as her deep, chocolate brown eyes smiled flirtingly at them. 12

“That,” Matt leaned toward Zac, “is Jase’s pretty little girlfriend. I’d suggest keeping your distance from her, because Jase gets protective of her when he feels challenged.” 13

Zac’s dark eyes looked Jessi over. She was indeed pretty with her beautifully proportioned body and angelic face. Her spaghetti-strapped, white tank top and low-cut, tight jeans finished out her appearance.14

Jase walked over to the girl, who Zac guessed to be around 16 or 17 years old, and wrapped his arms around her small waist. Being about 5/6, she had to tilt her head up to look Jase in the eye. He said something to her and she laughed softly, putting her hand to the side of his face. Jase gave her a quick kiss before turning back to the others. 15

“Jessie,” he said, one arms still around her, “this is a friend I met at college, Zac Fortenez.”16

“Hello Zac,” she greeted him, her eyes noticing his strong, muscular build and his handsome, tan face.17

What do you think? (Honestly)

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  • hiGh-on-happYness
    November 1, 2007
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    lol haha this is amazing! havent't gotten too far in it, so I can't really critique all that well, but I love what I'm seeing so far! I just hope the girl isn't like.... you know and the guys should just leave her alone but that wouldn't be exciting now would it anyway great so far, let me know when you add more!
    <333
    Lily

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • ScarsNDepth
    October 30, 2007

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    I'm bettin theres gunna be so competetion of that girl. I can just see it now. and tell me if im right but something in the dialogue gave away a country feel...great story though. I'll def keep reading.