She entered the ball by candlelight, alone and confident, the most beautiful woman in the room. Men begged to partner her, and she danced with them all, one by one. At the end of each dance, she bowed to her partner and seemed to whisper something in his ear. Dazed and bewildered, none of them would repeat what she said to him. Or tell if she had spoken at all.1
Before the dawn lit the East, she was gone, licking her blood-red lips in the moonlight. Her time.2
When they finally realised, it was too late to find her again.3
Author notes
The word-count program I used counts hyphenated words as one, making this exactly 100 words. If you wish to count differently, let me know and I'll try to re-phrase.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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wonderfully worded.
i never really have liked vampiric stories but this one has good substance and is very well written.
thankyou for sharing! -
Really fabulous job.
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Who said writting a story with only 100 words was difficult? You completed this challange masterfully. It was mysterious, and enchanting at the same time. Was she a vampire, or wasn't she? I am left wanting to know more, and that is the true test of a good story.
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Very enticing nibble that left me wanting more. Good luck in the contest.
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I agree with Susan... This definitely leaves me wanting more. This is great! You did a fabulous job and held my attention... now let's talk part two!
If you do decide to expand and make this a full fledge story... I would be interested to read it, so please keep that in mind. Fantabulous write! 
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OK I am looking for the 100 word chapter 2.... This is really good and tells a great story, but it leaves me wanting more... That is not to say that you did not complete the story, but there is so much more to be told.
Wonderful job here and in my opinion, commas, are, subjective!
Susan -
Actually, I think that the commas, while plentiful, were properly placed for Full Grammatical Satisfaction. Nods. Neat write, Jo. I'm envious; I'm not sure I could write a full story in 100 words, especially not one that was this intriguing. Good job. =D
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This was really good. I loved the mystery. It left you wondering who-or what- was the girl, and what did she say. I find it amazing that you were able to say so much with so few words. I'm impressed. Anyway, just wondering if you planned on continuing this into a larger story or if this was it? Either way, it's excellently done.
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good images
I enjoyed the read but thought you used too many commas.
She entered the ball by candlelight alone and confident, the most beautiful woman in the room. Men begged to partner her and she danced with them all, one by one. At the end of each dance she bowed to her partner and seemed to whisper something in his ear. Dazed and bewildered none of them would repeat what she said to him or tell if she had spoken at all.
Before the dawn lit the East she was gone, licking her blood-red lips in the moonlight. Her time.
When they finally realised, it was too late to find her again.
Just my thoughts,
John
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