October - Chapter Three

My first week must have passed quickly, as before I knew it I was back in my bedroom a week later putting on my uniform for another day at the hospital. That night I hadn’t slept well; every hour I woke up recalling the conversations I’d had with Edward throughout the week. It was still all I could think about. I’d only just met Edward; I was his nurse and he was supposed to be a patient dependent on hospital care. His body was surrendering to maturity but on the contrary his intelligence was still thriving and very independent. He told me things that my naïve and unmindful brain and emotions couldn’t comprehend. To me it was disturbing; to him it was past reality. It made my encounter with a dead robin seem pretentious and common in comparison to his bumpy journey through life. 1

I was working a night shift when Edward waved me over with his oak cane. He looked directly into my eyes, and with a sense of urgency ask me to pull up a seat next to him. I felt a lump in my throat, and a sickly curiosity inside me, so I brought a chair from the waiting room and placed it at his side.2

“Sit down, dear” He whispered. “Now I’ve been watching you working and I can see you’re very nervous. Please don’t be. I want to share something with you Katelynn, but this is just between us. No one else needs to know. I want to tell you a bit about myself…”3

Edward was born pre-war into a middle class family who‘s love for one another was what kept them alive. The realisation that my family would have crumbled in the same circumstances gave me a new respect for Edward, and my own family. 4

Edward was born in 1927 and was the youngest of seven children. His father went from job to job, having to find a new one after having being made redundant again and again. He’d moved from trade to trade working in a bakers, a tailors, a cutlery factory, a key cutters and a small grimy metal factory. Just as Edwards father seemed to settle into a job, the company was taken over, or the owner went out of business. The more he changed jobs, the harder it was to find another one. It was then that Edward made me realised just how fortunate I, and others of my generation are. 5

Edward took a sip of water, cleared his throat and sighed.6

“One cold autumn evening, just like this evening, my father wandered the streets looking for a new job, after just being thrown onto the street for the seventh time in a year. He was starving, and all that echoed through his mind was the reality that back at home waited a hungry wife and seven hungry children, one of which was me.” 7

I listened intently to the Edward, his eyes filled with a dreadful desperation, his eyes closed for a moment as he fought back overwhelming memories. 8

I was sat on a chair next to Edwards bed, my hand was resting on his sheets. Edward reached over and placed his warm but gaunt hand around mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. 9

“My father enquired in every shop he could, down every street he came to. His legs were aching and his mouth like sandpaper. No one needed him; no one wanted him. As far as they were concerned, he was somebody else’s reject, therefore not fit to work for them. Then after hours of walking and rejections one man gave my father a second glance.”10

Edwards hand tightened around mine again, and he looked deep into my eyes.11

“They called him Cliff Nelson. He owned a small toy train shop the other side of town to where we lived. He offered my father a hot drink and asked a few questions about his interest in the job. My father was so grateful Mr Nelson had even looked up from his desk, let alone offered him a job, he told him he’d work any hours, do any labour, as long as it paid. I cannot thank Mr Nelson enough because he gave my father a solid job, and my father worked until he retired 30 years later. By then he was a co-owner of the shop, and when Mr Nelson died, he left the shop to my father. I worked there too when I was younger, Katelynn. Unfortunately, time took it‘s toll on the old place and it was demolished a few years back now.”12

Edward smiled at me. 13

“See there’s a lot one man can do for another in one simple gesture. Giving my father a job then didn’t seem like much to Cliff Nelson, but it changed our life.14

I want you to remember this Katelynn, because this story may not seem relevant to you now, but in the future it just may mean more than you know.”15

I felt a small shudder tingle through my spine, like a spider shooting up my back, tickling me with it’s steps. 16

I didn’t know what to say to Edward in response, but I got the feeling he didn’t need a reply, he just wanted me to remember what he’d told me. I sat by his side and as Edward closed his eyes I watched his chest moving as he breathed. His breathing was slightly uneasy. Every now and then he’d let out a small whine, and his chest would twitch. I sat with Edward thinking about the torment and heartache his family must have been through, and how grateful they must have been to Cliff Nelson. In a way they owed their lives to him, even Edward. 17

It wasn’t until I spotted Sophie, another nurse on the ward checking her patients obs that I remembered I was at work as a professional, and I was Edward’s impartial nurse.18

“Is everything alright Katelynn?” Sophie asked me as she noted down Mr Bentley’s obs. “Oh, yes, I’m fine. Just forgot where I was for a moment then, that’s all” I replied, snapping myself back into reality. 19

“I know how you feel” Sophie added “ I went through exactly the same thing with my first patient. Sleepless nights, dry mouth, butterflies in my stomach every time I saw my patient.” 20

I nodded. “What does it mean, how did you deal with it?”21

“I didn’t.” She said bluntly. “It continued until my first patient passed away. I was a wreck in my first few months here. Ask Polly, she‘ll tell you.” Sophie pointed to the nurses station, and to where Polly stood. “I don’t know what to say kiddo. Just grit your teeth and bare it, or hope nature takes him out of your hands.”22

Sophie put back her patient’s notes and headed to the nurses station where Polly and three other nurses were having a coffee break. 23

What Sophie had said left me very uneasy. Sophie was around 28 years old, neat blonde hair that she wore in a bun. She was slim, tall and pretty; like a real life Barbie doll. Her innocence was shattered though the moment she told me that story. My naivety became more apparent than ever before. I wondered if anyone else had felt this way, and how they dealt with it. It horrified me to think about it, and even more so to consider asking someone.24

How could I possibly bring it into a conversation? Sophie told me Polly knew what she had gone through, but it still wasn’t an easy subject to bring up out of the blue. My carnivorous cat never caught a bird, or a mouse, then after pouncing on it a few times saw the panic in it’s eyes, then had to stop and let it go. No, my cat knew his place. He caught the robin, and played with it until it twitched for the very last time. He didn’t even watch as I scooped it into the plastic bag and disposed of it. Instead he was tracking another unsuspecting creature to be his next victim.25

The bottom line was I couldn’t just treat Edward as another patient after what he’d told me. I’d only been his nurse for days and he was ready to share personal information with me, like he would with a friend, not a nurse. The fact he told me his story meant he didn’t just want me to be his nurse, did he? He told me because he wanted to help me. And he knew the help he needed could only come from one person - me.26

I took one last look in the mirror before heading out to work. I knew needed to talk to someone. I needed to talk to Polly. I shuffled one by one down the carpeted stairs in my house and straight out my front door. “I’m going to talk to Polly” I muttered to myself and I twisted the key in the lock.