the monster i once loved:part 4

being away from max wasn't what i expected.i always thought i would be happy,finally free of his horrible grasp.but i found myself thinking a lot about how it was before and in between.before he ever hit me,before the mean names.and i thought about what would usually happen a few hours after he hurt me.he'd cradle me in his arms and kiss the places he had hit.he'd tell me he loved me and that he was sorry.after a while he stoped with the "it won't happen again" line.1

i felt bad for missing him,but i was sure that if i stoped looking at pictures,if i avoided him in school like a good little girl,i could do it.i could rid myself of him.2

I stayed out of school for a week,joshua said that i should,to make myself at least a little bit better.so when i got back to school,i had convinced myself that i could be normal again.that avoiding max would be best,that i was able to do that.3

the day was going fine untill 4th period.everyone wanted to know about the break up.i didn't tell the truth about that.i told them that i needed to focus on school and a boyfriend didn't help that.they belived me,i was a book worm before max,they noticed my failing grades.4

At lunch i sat down at my own table,insted of sitting with the friends that were curious.i didn't feel like answering anymore questions.i saw max,sitting a couple tables away by himself.he looked so sad.I fold my arms around my torso,trying to fight the urge to go make him feel better.he looked up once and smiled.i didn't return the favor,i looked away.it was to hard seeing his face,hurt and confused.the smile that i haden't seen in so long.5

after school i start to walk to take the city bus,when i got there i found out i was short on change.i was pissed.I start to walk home when i hear the sound of a car driving next to me,slowly.i didn't have to look over to see who it was.6

max pulled the car over and got out.i was scared,my voice that was ment to sound brave ending up breaking "go away!".he smiled,holding his hands up as if to show me he woulden't hurt.i backed away "i'm serious max,i'll call the cops".he smiled "don't be like that sweetie,i just want to talk to you".i looked down at my shoes "i don't want to talk to you,and don't call me sweetie".i was way to quiet.7

he takes a step closer to me and grins a devilish grin "your always so cute when you act like this,now would you please stop being crazy,and get in the car".i was about to run,and he knew that.his arms wrapped around my waist,he hugged me tightly as he whisperd in my ear "adrian,baby i love you with all of my heart.i promise that all i want is to talk to you".i gave up,and he knew it.cause he was the one opening the door to his car,he was the one chuckling as i strapped myself in.and I was the one who was going insane.8

he drove slowly and i recognized the place we were going.he was taking me to wapato park.the place where he had first asked me to be his girlfriend.i walked fast,putting much needed distance between us.he tried to grab my hand,but i pulled it away just in time.he spoke so sure of himself "adrian,i am sorry for what i did,you didn't do anything wrong that time.but i know if you give me another chance i can show you i've changed".i stopped walking and stared at him in horror "why are you doing this to me?".he smiles and brushes his fingertips over my cheek "because i love you,and i want you back".i shook my head "i'm going home now,leave me alone".i started to walk away.but i broke down when he called after me,his voice filled with agony "adrian!please,don't leave me".i turn around,my hands were balled into fists.he runs over to me and gets on his knees,wrapping his arms around my waist.his tears soaking in my shirt.his voice turned violent and he started to bang his hands against his head "i'm so fucking stupid!i hate myself,i want to die,kill me adrian!kill me!".9

And then i coulden't help myself,i wrapped my to small hands around his wrists to stop him,my voice was weak "max,stop.don't hurt yourself".he looked up at me and i wasn't even trying to fight it anymore.i get down on my knees and hug him.he tightend his grip and kissed me.i smoothed his now messy black hair and kissed the top of his head "its going to be alright sweetie,i'll stay with you".10