Thine lips art so tender
That meet my rosy cheek.
The embers of your heart
Are felt in your kiss.1
Your harmonic love keeps time
with the melodies I bestow.
I entrust you with this key
that opens the soul in me.2
Take my life.
Set me free.
End the painful strife.
I long to be with thee.3
Kiss me, oh Angel.
Let your love burn.
Destroy the curse that binds me
And guide me in new hope.4
So, I pray you, be my new vision
And plant in me a seed of perfection.
Author notes
The Celtic Bard
A contest entry
- The Poet's Challenge: Round I by Asfand.
100 points, ended November 10, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Another Poetry Contest by Melissa Loves Jeffy.
500 points, ended February 21, 2008, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Poems by werner1221.
100 points, ended March 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Mushhhy =) by Melli.
175 points, ended March 29, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry!!!! by Forgotten Anomaly.
900 points, ended June 5, 2008, 62 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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It's funny how everybody below me says "old English" vs. New English.... If it was truly old English, it'd be like reading German.
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I like this, I only wished that it rhymed! It's rare that you could find an old poem in free verse, so it's funny to read this without any rhymes. It's quite good, though, I don't know how I feel overall.
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This is a wonderful blend of old english and modern english. You pick your words quite well and the peice moves quite smoothly. I'm not a big fan of love poetry but this one was actually quite good. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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amazing style of mixing the old English and new English. It's a very pretty piece. thanks for enterying. its very well written.
KEEP.WRITING.
-Melli<33
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good romantic poem.
favorite line:
The embers of your heart
Are felt in your kiss.
btw thats an awesome quote in your author's notes.
thank you for entering b -
I love how you mixed modern english and old english together. It made this piece beautiful. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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I think the olden language actually helped alot in this piece. It gave you a flair of originality, a uniquity to the piece. No body else did it, and you did -- good for you!
I really liked the emotion packed into this, I love the fact that you did not prolong the poem. Escalating ideas makes the poem lose all its meaning!
You kept it short, to the point and that's why it hit hard.
Nothing much to criticise for me, I liked most of it except the 'key to my soul' it got a little common at that.
Thanks for entering, good luck and welldone! -
Okay, so I am NOT an expert in Shakespearian english in the slightest, but I think that it's "thy lips" and not "thine."
Keep in mind, I could be wrong about that.
Also, I noticed that you seem to switch between the Shakespeare English and modern English, like for ("Let your love burn") instead of "Let thine love burn" for example.
Despite that, I really liked reading this. In fact, my favorite line would have to be the "Let your love burn" part, no matter which way you decide to do the you/thy/thine thing. That's just a really great line.
Good job with this. I really liked reading it.
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