Demon Angel1
Selene walked around her new room for the fifth time since she'd woken up that morning. Her and her mother had only moved to this house two weeks ago and she still wasn't used to it. It was a big house with six bedrooms, three bathrooms, a dinning room, kitchen, living room, and den. She thought it was incredibly stupid of her mother to buy such a big house when it was just going to be the two of them living there. But she couldn't complain. I mean her room was magnificent. It was the room she'd always dreamed of having. It had black walls with red tribal designs for a border. Her carpet was a deep purple, and she had a desk, book shelf, and bed made of red oak and a small black sofa in the corners of her room. Her bed was a huge king sized canopy bed with silk black sheets, and a crimson comforter. The canopy curtains were black, red, and white. Her pillows were made of black, red, and purple satin and a blue velvet teddy bear sat against them. She was a gothic beauty and her room finally matched it. 2
She was a tall thin seven-teen year old girl. She blond hair with blue streaks that was long and shinny. She had purple eyes that glittered in the light and were as deep as the ocean. Her skin was pale that she looked like a porcelin doll. 3
Selene's closet was filled with black, red, blue and silver clothes, hats, shoes, and purses.4
" Selene honey its almost time for school, are you getting ready? You don't want to be late on your first day, do you?" Her mother said from the other side of her door.5
" Yes mom I'm getting ready." She lied going to her closet. She pulled out out a red and black plaid mini skirt, a black long tee with a shinny silver skull on the front, and a pair of black combat boots that had silver chains hanging from them. Then she closed her closet and in her ajoining bathroom to get ready. She quckly took a shower and put the clothes and boots on, then she picked up her make-up.6
She aplied dark black eye liner and mascara. Then she put on crimson red lip gloss and light blue eye shadow. When she was finished selene returned to her room and picked up her red and black purse, and her black and silver backpack. 7
She then turned and went downstairs to grab a bite to eat before heading to the bus stop. 8
" Hi honey. I made you some eggs and bacon, but if your in a hurry I can get you a breakfeast bar to go." Her mother said when she entered the kitchen and sat down.9
" Mom can I have both. I mean I'm only going to be able to eat a few bites of what you made before I have to leave." Selene asked.10
" Of course honey. I also have some fruit you can take to school with you just in case you want a snack durring the day. And here's $5 for luch."11
" Thanks mom." She said putting the fruit in her backpack and stuffing the money in her purse. She took a few bites of her breakfeast, grabbed the breakfeast bar her mom handed her and headed out to the bus stop and her first day in a new school.12
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As she walked to the bus stop she had a feeling someone was watching her. She looked around, when she finally reached the bus stop, but saw nothing.14
She was the only one at the stop so far and she didn't know when the bus would come. She took her cd player out and put in a three days grace cd. Half way through the first song she felt a presence next to her. Selene looked around and found she was no longer the only one at the bus stop. Two boys about her age stood next to her.15
They were both incredably good looking. The taller of the two had honey blond hair, ice blue eyes, and had a preppy feel to him. The other boy had light brown hair, forest green eyes, and a rocker/gothic edge to him.16
They were both glancing at her now and then. She wondered why they weren't talking to her when she realized she was still wearing her headphones. So she quickly took them off and stuffed them in her backpack.17
" Hi, I'm Logan and this is my brother Draco. Are you new here?" The taller boy Logan asked with a heart melting smile.18
" Um hi. Yeah I'm new." Selene replied shyly. She wasnt sure why she was shy around these two boys. Usually she was never shy.19
" Whats your name?" Draco asked.20
" Selene McGuire." she stated quietly.21
" Thats a pretty name. Where'd you move from?" Logan asked, looking at her with his beautiful eyes.22
" Connecticut. Me and my mom just moved here two weeks ago." Selene answered just as the bus pulled up.
please tell me what you think. i want your honest opinion. thanxs.
Comments
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that was realy good
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Its nice.
I like it. It's not the best story around but its still really good. Your should describe things more with actions then by just saying "She was a tall thin 17 year old girl" You could have said it when she was putting the shirt on like "She pulled the tight shirt over her slim form." Or something to that manner. I havn't gotten to this myself but someone hinted to do that when they left me a comment. Also try to include as many of the five sences as you can. Taste touch hear sight and smell.

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I must read more. Keep writing! this is an awesome story so far. I love these type of stories!



