[ Not today. Please not today.1 ]

Not today. Please not today.1

It is almost indescribable.
Losing all control of yourself.
Sinking but falling,
faster and faster
As the minutes pass.2

"How many times do I have to tell you?
When I voice stop,
that’s what it means.
A million times over,
I spoke of knowing what is to come.
Stupidly trusting I can stop it.
So I scream terminate now,
but you do not.
Getting shitty and walking away
you leave me, shaking uncontrollably.
Feeling heart attack like symptoms
and having no control over myself.
You’ve been witness to the physical hurt
I cause to myself when anxieties have a hold.
Yet you question why? Instead of helping."3

Such a bitch, my enemy the panic attack!
Haunting me and waiting to pounce.
How does it know to grab at me?
When I am already so weak?
It is almost indescribable.
Losing all control of yourself.
Sinking but falling,
faster and faster
As the minutes pass.4

Author notes

This is all true. Something that is a bold thing for me to do. I don't normally like revealing such deep things. But Writing this helped and I hope it may help somone else, have some understanding. Please if your going to critique it, try and be gentle considering the subject and personalness.

I want honest but gentle reviews

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • NotTheDroids
    October 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A view into a troubled soul. What brings on these devastating attacks? My daughter suffers from them, and even has medication from her doc to help, but in her I put it down to the lack of support from her partner, who sponges off her and still feels he can verbally abuse her on a regular basis.

    From what (very little) I know of you, this is not the case with you.

    It is sad that so many young people today have self-esteem issues (the cause of many panic attacks).

    Or am I going off on a tangent? When it happens it must be horrible - I do sympathise. Have a big hug ...


    • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
      October 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      NotTheDroids

      Thanks for reading this one, it is a piece I had trouble sharing, but finally found the courage

      That is sad to hear about your daughter, I hope one day she realises he is a burden instead of a slution to her attacks. well in myopinion anyway.

      Mine well, I unfortunately have the mental illnesses my mother suffered from. After her death I couldn't handle stress anymore and it actually seemed easier to go to that place. Even though it's worse.

      Nowadays it is something I for the most part have a hold of, being given tools to help manage stress and recognaise when it is coming on.

      It doesn't always work though, occasionally ( as i expressed in poem, lol ) I am stressed out and I can't gain any control over myself and a panic attack is the end result.

      Like my poem also says, My partner in the beginning had to comprehention of what was happenening and he would do exactly what I wrote, but when I was able to give him understanding he became a better support and help to them not happening

      they really frigging suck when it happens
      But I thank you for your understanding and your

      Thank you very much for reading and relating to this one