My name is Rhystopher Pagan Renald-Calomari. I am Your Royal Highness' eldest(live) son, and because of that, I, Prince Rhystopher of the reigning country in the entire continent of Marloew, TigerWell, am the sole heir to TigerWell's Throne. I'm to become King when my mother, the Queen, renounces the title bestowed on her by marriage to my father, in three years time, on my eighteenth year of life.1
If I refuse to accept such a fate, my much younger sister, Princess Leinna Alyssabeth Renald-Calomari, will be forced in to the role of Queen of TigerWell at just eleven seasons old! So you see, I must take the responsibility of being King, lest I wish my sister the burden of an unwanted crowning instead. There is no way out for me. But, perhaps, the same is not true for little Leinn. That is the most important reason I have no choice in the matter. For you to understand better, I suppose I must tell you a bit about my mother, my father, my sister, and me.2
My father, the late King Pagan, was brutally murdered when I was a bitty lad of about eight, the same age Leinn is now, in fact. I recall Father was a gentle man,firm in his beliefs and strict with his family, always very proud, and never failing nor hesitating to uphold a promise or fulfill a duty. Always, Fa was true to his word and was truly a man of honor as well as integrity. Never once was he afraid to admit when he was wrong, but, never one to accept defeat either. He believed if you tried your best then you've accomplished something most won't ever do. "If you try your hardest and lose a battle anyway, remember, Rhys, you've already won a war- And that's the greatest thing you'll ever learn," I can hear him telling me over and over, even to this day when he is no longer among the living. At the time, I didn't understand what he meant. Now, I think, I do.3
Queen Adelaide, my beautiful and intelligent Mother, is not one to show very much affection, but under her sharp tongue and quick, sarcastic wit, she loves us all. I hope, though no one can ever really tell with Mutti!4
Now, of course, my favorite Royal of all, is of course Leinna. The Princess of TigerWell is exactly seven years younger than I am, and when I was younger I used to say she was the greatest birthday present I could ever get. Leinn is still a child, so naturally she possesses the same untainted innocence most children do, but sometimes, my little sister is so wise in her thinking that I truly believe she is far smarter now than I'll ever be.5
Ah, you want to know about me, too, you say?Well, alright, if you insist! Let me begin with my feelings on being King of all of TigerWell someday- It is a curse I want not. If it hadn't been for Nikolai's gruesome death at the hands of a sadistic contract killer hired by Fa's murderer, he would've been destined to be King, not me.The crown and the Throne belong to him by birthright, since he was a whole hour older(a fact he loved to brag about) than I. But alas, my father and brother are gone, and there's no use dwelling on what I can not change. The past should stay buried in my thoughts as deep as their rotting corpses are underneath the ground. I digress. There is nothing noteworthy about me, except perhaps my skills with the sword and as a passing mention, my good eyes and keen ears. I am like Fa in the way that I, too, have a sense of duty and must play the role I was Fated in to and be the King. Some think that my feelings of duty is the reason I don't make an argument about being Throned, when I so obviously unhappy about it. Maybe, just maybe, they are right. But then again, just maybe, they are not...6
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Ooh, uh, fantasy. Not really my thing.
I tried reading, but you know about my undeniable short attention span
I'm also commenting to let you know that I care . . . because you are NOT HERE thus causing me to be bored. Me reading your stuff is what happens when you aren't here to entertain me muahahahahaha. I liked that moonlight dancer thing, though. I might go read that, but I'm really really lazy.
Ooh! A paperclip! Gotta go! -
I decided a while back that i thoroughly suck at fantasy fic, so I'm officially retiring this story, lol...
~Beckah -
Whats up Becks. I think that it is a cool start, but I really do not see where it is going. Also the part where the killer hired a killer to do his job should be changed, but stick with the story.
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Other than borrowing names, it's not really... And we both know it'll be a miracle if I ever manage to write anything that has words past chapter three(which is seriously the most I've ever gotten with a story), lol... Thanks for the applause though!
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applaudable
This sounds like it's told from your own life? lol. A round of applause for our future novelist.....
Crash -
A very, very good start to this story! It pulled me in and left me wanting to read more. I was disappointed when I reached the end, and I hope that you continue this. I look forward to the next part! Bravo!
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What a great start to a story. Sounds fascinating and I want to know where it's going. You've done a good job and creating interesting and forcing the reader to want more. And, Rhys is becoming a very interesting character here. Very, very nice beginning.
A few typos and things here:
Par 1 Line 4 "on" my eighteenth to "in"?
Par 2 Line 2 "in to" to "into"
Par 3 Line 8 no comma after "think"
Par 5 Line 1 You use "of course" twice
Par 6 Line 9 "in to" to "into"
Par 6 Line 9 a tense problem with "feelings" and "is". "Feelings of dute" could be considered a collective noun but it sounds a little awkward when read.
Par. 9 Line 10 . . . when I "am" so obviously . . .
Good job again. Paul
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