Sonya collapsed on the pile of dry leaves. Her long sleeveless green dress was torn and muddy. The forest darkened while the red sky was changing into the night sky. She rolled over onto her back. The stars popped out into the heavens. Her eyes glazed at them, as one huge star seemed to be moving. Watching the stars made her forget about her troubles for a moment.1
She sat up and leaned against the tall wide tree behind her. Her fingers checked her leather lace boots that stopped right below her knees. Next, she grabbed the long dirty cloak and wrapped it around her. She pulled her knees up to her chest to place her forehead on them. The cold wet tears ran down her red cheeks.2
A gust of wind moved into the forest as Sonya looked up. A beautiful being of light appeared. It took a shape of a woman right in front of her. The being had long silver hair that went to her waist with snow-white skin, and wore a long sleeve golden dress, which covered her feet.3
“It is I, Radiance,” she said as she spoke in a sweet musical tone. “Sonya, do not be afraid of Throne.” She began to glow.4
She stood. “You told me to trust the Creator. I was almost raped twice and nearly killed I don't know how many times!”5
The light breeze blew her long silver hair. “Sonya, I feel your anger, but do not allow the darkness to feed on it,” Radiance said.6
“Why I have been chosen anyway? All I want is my freedom.”7
“True freedom comes by giving your will over to the Creator. Your mind has been darkened by Draco.”8
“We're all slaves then…”9
“Human beings by design were given freewill. The Creator desires that all his people to be free again.”10
Sonya looked at her boots. “What if I don't want this mission?”11
She placed her hand on her shoulder. “Then your world and many more will be lost to the Masters.” Radiance removed it.12
Sonya ran her hand through her thick, wet, and tangled hair. “The Masters are very evil. How do I stop them?”13
“By going back to Throne.”14
“No that man tried to…” She waved her arms and stomped her foot.15
“Yes, I know. He is being dealt with that act. The Creator wants you to return to him, and I promise you that no harm will come from him.”16
“No. I won't go!” Sonya snapped as she raised her fist in the air.17
Sonya fled from Radiance and darted through the forest. The branches tugged on her cloak, yanked her hair as she moved them away from her. At last, she came to the edge of the meadow; she stopped.18
“I want to go home… but I don't know where home is!” She picked up a stone and threw it across the red meadow. Then she dropped on her knees and cried as she tumbled over onto her side.19
The yellow moon rose high in the sky; it shot out its light onto the red grasses. They started to sway in the center of the field. Sonya lie on her side and sniffed the air as she turned over to sit up.20
The grasses danced to catch the last of the daylight that sparkled and glimmered before her. Sonya rose and amaze of the display before her. The dampness and cold slowly left her body, a ball of red light came to her.21
The ball floated as the light grew dim. “I know who you are,” a crackling voice said.22
“How?” Sonya asked.23
“Come with me, child, and I'll take you home.”24
Sonya entered into the grasses. The ball of light sailed around her and she took in its warmth. She lifted up her arms to embrace it.25
“Let me see you, child. Come; show me your thoughts by touching me.”26
Sonya stepped forward, placing her hands in the light while it engulfed her. 27
“You're not an ordinary maiden… Your mind is in a struggled. Accept me and I will give you what your heart's desire!” The ball grew into a flame of fire.28
Sonya's body grew cold as images flashed into the ball. Children were screaming; yanked away from their mothers. They were loaded into the wagons with bars, by men without faces. The village burned to the ground, the men’s corpses lain everywhere with their blood poured out into the road. Women rounded up like animals into three groups. Young maidens were in one group, mothers in the other group, and old women in the last group. Out of the fire came a woman with long red hair and wore a black dress.29
“No!” Sonya blasted a green light out of her hands. She went airborne and landed in the other side of the field.30
“You are a silly girl! You don't know what you are. I do! Join me and I'll protect you from the Masters.”31
“You're evil! You want nothing but power.” Sonya stood.32
“That's right! I want you.”33
“Never!” She raised her arms to blast out beams of light and nothing happens. “What?”34
“You're powerless to stop me!” The flaming ball of death came to her.35
She fled into the woods for her life.36
“Sonya, you are mine, now. It is a matter of time!” the ball laughed. “Dax of Death raised and come to your mistress.”37
The fire ball released its flame onto the grasses. The fiery ooze bubbled up to the surface and out of the slime, rose a dog like creature. Huge black horns went from its head down to the large lizard tail. The red peeling skin with open sores and dark goo was dripping out of the creature; its razor sharp teeth with dry crusty blood on them, and eyes of darkness.38
“I hear, and I obey,” Dax said, and then he gave a deep growl.39
“I want her alive!”40
“Yes, mistress.”41
Dax ran into the forest with his long claws gripping the ground to keep his balance. At the same time, he sniffed the wind. When his paws hit the land the trees shook in fear as the black sky strengthened him.42
Sonya pulled back the bushes from her hiding place deep within the underbrush. Her heart raced, sweat flowed from her brow. She gathered up her cloak to nestle inside of it, while the field trembled.43
“I know you’re here! Your fear is in the air.” He growled.44
She looked down at her wrists and sank deeper into the undergrowth. The warm breath of the creature begun to fill the night air. Fear grabbed her spine where she could not move.45
Dax roared, lifted his paw to strike at the bushes. Sonya dashed right in front of him while another paw blocked her path. Crawling backwards, she smacked into a tree as the creature placed his snout on her face. 46
“No use in running!”47
Sonya searched for something or anyone, then she lowered her head. Boom! A bright light lit up the sky; she jumped up and ran into the woods.48
Another flash of lighting blinded Dax as he tried to take another whack at her. Sonya fell, rolled down the hillside and collided with a tree. The land shook underneath while Dax came closer.49
Crack! The air went rushing all around her. Smack! She landed on the ground again; tiny rocks hit her back as Dax appeared above her. 50
Then he vanished.51
Lightning lit up the night sky. Using her hands to feel the hard smooth surface, she looked for a way out. Her foot kicked the wall; the dirt dropped on her head, she turned and slid down. Pulling her knees up to hug them as tears ran down her cheeks.52
Sonya tipped over onto her side. Lightning flashed, and something sparkled in the dirt. Sonya turned over onto her stomach. Lightning flashed again and the sparkle grew stronger. She crawled to it and started removing the dirt. Her fingers touched a smooth cold stone. She grabbed it, used her cloak to rub off the dirt, and held the stone in the air.53
The lightning flashed and the stone shine.54
Her eyes widened. “Wow, the blue diamond.”55
“I have found you!” Dax glared at from the top of the pit.56
Sonya crawled backwards to the wall and held onto the diamond. She turned her head to find a way out, but surrounded by walls. Dax scooped up the dirt with his huge paws and pushed it into the hole. The soil fell; she tried to block it, using her arms to protect her face.57
“You belong to me!” Dax laughed.58
More piles came into the hole, Sonya could not move her legs. She wiggled and squirmed from the dirt; it weighed like heavy rocks on her body. Then she raised her head up as one more huge pile of soil. She tried to pull herself free. Rumble! The tiny rocks struck her head and she closed her eyes as the dirt hit her face.59
When everything was quiet again Sonya opened her eyes. The last pile buried her up to her chin. She struggled, but her body screamed in pain, she tried to relax.60
“You belong to my mistress, now.” Dax lain down as he stared into the pit.61
Tears formed in the corner of her eyes as her body went numb as the cold night descended into the pit. 62
Sonya cried.
Author notes
I have re-edited this chapter and made some changes too. I hope that you like it.
In a list
If you had reviews this is the past, please add onto your review.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I understand the concept you have displayed-I think. I liked the action in this and how well it went together. Another job well-done.


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I’m enjoying the read. I look forward to discovering more
Hi Lynn, you are creating a terrific tale, with Goddesses, and monsters –the handsome hero and of course Sonya. I’m not certain just what she is or what powers she possesses. They seem strong at one point and then they fade. Perhaps she is young and inexperienced in the use of her powers?
I’m enjoying the read. I look forward to discovering more of this world you’ve provided and peopled with such interesting characters
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A few things to look at
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“It is I, Radiance,” (she said as she spoke) in a sweet musical tone. “Sonya, do not be afraid of Throne.” She began to glow.4
(she said isn’t needed for clarity. “It is I, Radiance,” she spoke in a sweet musical tone.
But I do think you need Sonya here instead of she; She (Sonya) stood. “You told me to trust the Creator. I was almost raped twice and nearly killed I don't know how many times!”5
“Yes, I know. He is being dealt with (for)that act.
Sonya rose and amaze of the display before her. (Sonya rose amazed at the display before her.)
Accept me and I will give you what your heart's desire (desires)!” The ball grew into a flame of fire.28
the men’s corpses lain (lay) everywhere with (while)their blood poured out into the road.
Out of the fire came a woman with long red hair and (who) wore a black dress.29
“You belong to my mistress, now.” Dax lain (laid) down as he stared into the pit.61
Tears formed in the corner of her eyes as her body went numb as (and) the cold night descended into the pit. 62
Nice hook at the end. Leaves the reader wanting more.
Geri


. Rewarded 8
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This is a very good part to this story! I liked the descriptions and the vivid images they create. This piece kept me interested the entire way through. Good Work!


. Rewarded 4
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Good! Very good! This is a fabulus story and you obviously have a talent for writing just re-read more slowly all the errors I found are minor and easily fixed. So good luck and let's hear the finished product.
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Sonya collapsed onto the ground as the forest darkened while the red sky transform into the black night
You might want to consider rewording this as it's repetitive. Something like ...
Sonya collapsed onto the ground as the red sky transformed into the black night.
You would need to make transform past tense to keep your tenses right.
Watch overdetailing. This tends to take the visualization away from the reader and doesn't let them "see" things for themselves.
The being
You've already identified the shape as a woman, so it would be "She" not "The being"
Sonya still lie on her side
tense problem here ... lie is a word that personally I hate. It gets confusing at times as to which to use. I, personally, tend to avoid it.
Sonya stayed on her side... for example
The dialogue flows well as does the story. I am enjoying the way this continues, even though this is not my usual genre to read. Keep it up, I look forward to more.
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