I wonder if the panhandle feels smothered. Or tired, or squeezed, or concentrated, or something else entirely. What it's like to be that odd little appendage, that little add-on that just had to fit somewhere, that tiny afterthought in a planning and zoning extravaganza. Does it have to compress it's contents to fit them inside? Maybe a game of sardines...landscape sardines...maybe. Or maybe it's more relaxed, like a stretch-just an extension of cozy earth to rest on, where all the land-muscles are most comfortable.1
Is it freer in the panhandle?2
The panhandle sounds good, like home. A place to let toes slide under thick, black, soil and camp there a while. A place to roll around in itchy grass because it sounded like a swell idea at the time. A place to find the best chicken 'n dumplings, truckstop style. A place where used car lots happen in front yards. A place where clotheslines are outdoors. A place where the air smells like dirt and sweat and rust and Planet Earth.3
The panhandle sounds good.4
Only in the panhandle. The sun sets like an orange dressed as a grapefruit. Stalks of wheat snap dryly against each other like wooden windchimes. The breeze blows dirt and quiet up onto the old oak tree with the tire swing, a stretchy robot attached to its natural frame. Retired barbed wire twines around broken spines, holding nothing, keeping everything. Opportunistic tetanus. Somewhere, Queen Anne's Lace is having a conversation with a gaggle of Milk Thistle, impatient and abrasive.5
Only in the panhandle.6
Feels like rain. Feels like a good idea. Feels like true grit. Feels like started, never done. Feels like wrinkles. Feels like spring. Feels like settled dust. Feels like chipped paint. Feels like cotton sundresses. Feels like penny candy.7
Feels like the panhandle.8
Author notes
A short exercise for setting description and language use.
I'm no Dickens.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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FEELS like it might be a good story.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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visual poetry
There are enough descriptive meatphors to cover almost any "Back country" experience. A little like my hometown but the sparse landscape is more in the heads of the town "leaders." A good excercize for new writers to review.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks!
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I foudn the repetition/single-phrase paragraphs a beautiful structural touch. It brought a framework to play in a piece that was otherwise non-narrative and almost stream-of-consciousness in style. I don't think it would be to everyone's taste, but anti-structure is a fad- a shorthand for 'modern'- when in fact structure is key to real modern/free-form writing.
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Hey, wow, you totally got it! So few people know what to do with intentionally "backwards" pieces-aka modern. Everyone says that it doesn't have a plot and that I should do this grammatically and on and on, when it wasn't meant to do tricks and entertain.
*sigh* What a rough life. Thanks so much for reading!
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I think I really enjoyed it, the concept is original -- its fun to talk about, fun to listen about. But I think there are times when you submit to the limitations and begin reinacting things you've already said.
Other then that, great job! -
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Yeah...I found that my knowledge of the OK panhandle only stretches so far.
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The panhandle sounds good.4
this on its own seems just ... thrown in there, out of place.
I like the concept but found it very repetitive, which takes away from what you're trying to say. Otherwise I still enjoyed it. Keep up the good work. -
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I thought that line was a little awkward...thanks for reading! Much appreciated.
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You may be no Dickens but I barely qualify as a typists monkey aid. Putting that aside you have a great grip of language and an ability to describe... things in a very extravagant manner.
There is great deal of fluffy-feel-good descriptions here that just don't find a palatable place on my bitter tongue but that is me and this is meant to be about you. Sorry! -
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Ha. That's ok-different strokes for different folks. And I know better than to say that you have anything but a developed personal taste all your own, so it's not your responsibility to like it.
Thanks for taking the time to read though! Much obliged.
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really descriptive
Very nice.
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Thanks for reading.
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I like the way you set off certain remarks. For while the general idea is the same, putting a single individual idea apart, can have a stronger impact.
Okay, I’m glad you told me what the purpose of this piece was.
The use of description, in fact the descriptive sentences are well constructed. (Made me want to move right out to the Panhandle.)
If you are going to present this exercise for classroom evaluation, you shouldn’t have a problem. I like the way you set off certain remarks. For while the general idea is the same, putting a single individual idea apart, can have a stronger impact.
You might want to look at this, the tire swing(with or at least a comma) a stretchy robot attached to it's(its) natural frame.
Geri
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5.
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Thanks for reading. I sort of just sat down at my computer and spilled out a bunch of words one day-perhaps if I feel inclined, I'll give this a character and plot sometime and continue it, but for now, I'm satisfied with what it is.
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I like this, putting a panhandle something I don't notice in a different sort of light. I like the last paragraph its very poetic.
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Thanks for reading!
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