When a loser wins there's bloodshed and tears

Isn't it funny how when you're young time seems to flow really slowly and then when you grow up it speeds up. But the weirdest thing is that when you're close to death time almost completely stops for a couple of seconds which seem to last years. Now when I have only a couple of minutes of life left every second seems to slower than the last one. I thought I'm going to feel a huge relieve now, when I've finally done what I've always wanted to do, but I guess it's not that easy. But let's start at the beginning.1

I remember my childhood - at that time I was a happy girl. I had a dog named Sarah, my parents loved me and I had an older brother who would do anything for me. It all changed when I killed him. Yes, I said I killed him. Maybe I didn't pick a knife and stabbed it in his heart, but I let him die which is pretty darn close to killing him myself. We were kicking soccer ball on the sidewalk when I kicked it too hard and it went onto the street. My brother wanted to get it and didn't see the car speeding down the street. I saw it, but I didn't do or say anything. I was just staring at my brother getting hit by it and then lying on the street. I still remember blood being everywhere, and me just standing there, not being able to do anything, not even call for help. When finally help did come I couldn't even look at him - his eyes were empty, I already knew he was dead - didn't need anyone to confirm it. The only thing I could look at was the soccer ball lying innocently on the street. At that time I hated it, but that lasted only until I got home. I will never forget the looks on my parents faces when I walked through the front door - they already knew what happened and obviously thought it was my fault. They were right. If I would've at least warned him, he would be able to escape, but I let him die, I killed him. My parents hated me sice that moment, for a coule of months my mom wouldn't even look at me, and later on, when she learned how to look at me her eyes were always full of hatred. Honestly, I prefered the time when she wouldn't look at me. My dad would always somehow escape my company by saying that he had work to do, but we both knew that wasn't true.2

Soon after that my mom decided we should move to help us forget about the whole case, she found a pretty good house really close to her job, but there were no dogs allowed. I knew I had to sa good-bye to Sarah who was my only companion when I was trying to hide from my mom's eyes. I thought that after we would move my mom would get over the accident and love me again - boy, was I wrong.3

I lost all of my friends and my mom would now not just look at me with that cold eyes, she would start making those comments on my appearence, she would call me ugly, stupid, and not needed. I could never say anything back when she would say those things. My only hope was to get some friends at school, I hoped that I would feel needed by them. When I finally got to school there weren't any people poiting their fingers at me or caling me a new girl, like I thought they would. Actually for a first week I don't think anybody even noticed that I was one of the sophomores in their high school. But then on Friday when I went home my mom made a little comment that changed it4

"Are you popular yet?" She asked with a smile on her face.5

"No, I'm not. I'm a loser that nobody even knows." I answered not trying to hide the truth.6

"Somehow I'm not surprised. Maybe if you'd be a little it better looking or more intelligent you'd find some friends. But I guess you can't really help a loser like you." She said and walked away. That made me really want to prove that I am more than just some loser, that I can be popular, if not for myself, than at least for her.7

First girl I tried to make friends with was a really good looking one. I think I tried to be friends with her because she seemed popular and I hoped that by being friends with her I would become popular as well. Her name was Jackie, she had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, big breasts, long legs, everything a teenage girl could ever dream of. My black eyes and short, always messed up hair seemed to look so horrible next to her. At first everything went pretty well, I even told her some of my biggest and most emberassing secrtes, until I asked her about her boyfriend, that is.8

"Oh yeah, I have a boyfriend, I don't know if you've heard of him since you're new here, but it's Matt Adams, like, the most popular guy ever!" She said and unfortunately I knew who she was talking about.9

"You mean the hot guy with those amazing blue eyes? I have chemistry with him!" I answered10

"Oh, really?" She asked and the smile disappeared from her face, she seemed pretty angry.11

"yeah, I even helped him with this one problem yesterday, he seems like a really cool guy." I said trying to figure out why she seemed angry.12

"He can dd it hiself, you don't have to help him with anything, actually I would stay away from him if I were you, he's taken, you know!" She said and I finally undertood that she was jealous, even though I couldn't really see why.13

Next day Matt set right next to me during chemistry and he told me that he is about to break up with Jackie, but he doesn't really know how. I asked him why, and eh said that he might like someone else. Now I understood why Jackie was so jealous. I told him that he should tell her the truth, and well, he listened to me. Jackie came crying to me that day.14

"Why would he break up with me?" She asked me over and over again15

"I talked to him during chemistry and he said he might like someone else now, if you want me to be honest." I said it trying to sound nice.16

"Oh, really? I wonder who..." She said in an ironic voice that would tell me she already knew.17

The next day when I came into chemistry class everyone was giggling when they saw me. When I finally asked Matt what are they laughing at he asked me18

"Is it true that you peed your bed when you were 14?" everyone seemed to turn their heads on me and tears got into my eyes19

"Who told you that?" I asked even though I knew there was only one person I told that to.20

"It doesn't matter, but seriously, you're a real pee-er. How is your dog? Do you still let it lick you all over your skin until you feel like you're in heaven?" He said, trying to stop himself from laughter, while everyone else was laughing out loudly. That's when it all started, at first they would just call me dog-lover, pee-er (like that's even a word), but then they would alsoo repeat thoe words of my mom - ugly, not needed, stupid. So much for having any friends - people were afraid to actually get to know me, because they were afraid they would also get bullied. Soon I would get sick of it, waking up, trying to avoid my parents, going to school where I would be laughed at, and then going back home where my mom would tell me how stupid and ugly I was. It seemed like every being in this world hated me and wanted me to die. Everywhere I would go someone would hate me. I knew that nobody needed me in this world, that nobody loved me. I finally got to the stage where I hated everyone, I wanted to die, but at the same time I wantd others to know how much I suffer because of them. My hope came back yesterday.21

I was lying on my bed when I heard my dad talking with my mom22

"So is she sleeping?" My dad asked my mom.23

"Yeah, she's up in her room." She answered24

"Ok, so yesterday I bought a gun, you know, after my friend Micheal got robbed I think we should get something to protect us" My dad said and I could feel a huge idea coming to my mind25

"Don't tell her though, she might start saying something like we don't really need it, or whatever. You know how kids are. I'm gonna hide it in the drawer next to our bed, ok?" My dad asked and my mom said quietly "ok". Could there be any better timing? 26

Sneaking th gun out of the drawer wasn't even a challenge, sneaking it into a school wasn't that hard either, especially if you're a girl and can hide it under your bra. When the chemistry class started Matt said27

"Well, look who's here, the ugliest girl in the world!" And I just took the gun out and poited it towards him28

"Look, the ugliest girl in the world is going to kill you know" I wish more people would laugh before I pulled the trigger. Next people were random. I think I got Jackie somewhere on the hallway while running to the lunchroom. It doesn't really matter anymore.29

Now I have one more bullet, and 5 seconds of life left.30

4...31

I can't wait to say hello to my brother32

3...33

I don't regret what I just did34

2...35

Looking into Matt's eyes made me so happy, he looked so scared36

1...37

I guess I am not such a loser anymore, eh, mommy?38

0...39

BANG!40

******************41

"Did you hear about that girl, Kate?" A tall man asked his wife42

"You mean the one who killed 15 people, because she was bullied by them?" His wife answered43

"Yeah, isn't that crazy?" He asked not wating for the answer.44

"I feel bad for her though, it musst've been tough for her." His wife said while looking at the ground45

"Maybe, but it's not like those poor kids did something as horrible as her! Hopefully she's going to burn in hell for what she did!" The guy said angrily and then kept reading the newspaper while his wife sighed and started cooking dinner. Soon they both forgot about the whole case.46