Exploration

The trail before me bent awkwardly downhill to the right as I scrambled through the grasping undergrowth. Burgwallis Wood was nothing like the vainglorious lout that lent his name to it. My dad, George Burgwallis who had never done anything productive in his life save to sire my sister Ellie and myself. My poor Ellie, the memory was still too strong. I had stood at the bow of the Corazon de Oro watching as the pox-ridden Guía slipped below the horizon carrying my mother and Ellie with it.1

Shaking those thoughts from my head I surged on, finding a brief lull in the density of the wood. Standing I attempted to take my bearings; a task severely hampered by the encompassing trees. I was nearly certain that I had veered west toward the rushing Slone, though I could not hear its waters. Perhaps I had not travelled so far as I thought. 2

A sharp snap to my left dragged my attention back to the forest around me and I watched as a small, furry animal, no taller than my knee darted across the trail and disappeared into the brush. Moments later a second indigenous creature emerged from the trees, stopping in the middle of the trail to study the strange intruder. Its head can’t have been much higher than my groin and had a distinctly reptilian look. Standing on its hind legs, its forearms looked strong enough to pin its pray. Its mottled hide gleamed in the sun as it flicked its head sideways, perhaps to weigh me up as possible pray. Whatever its thoughts however, they were brought to an abrupt end as a dart, fired from somewhere ahead and to my left, pierced its neck; dropping it on the spot.3

Stunned by what I had just witnessed, I found my body rooted to where I stood, eyes scanning the now intimidating tree-line for unseen danger. Then, a soft brushing of leaf against leaf up ahead heralded the arrival of someone else into my clearing. He was shorter than me, maybe just short of six feet. His brown eyes watched me cautiously as he moved to ward his prize. He wore nothing but a chain of fish bones around his neck, his body dirt stained and repulsive. Reaching the fallen creature he picked it up, the only time he looked away from me since he entered the clearing. Oddly now, I felt no fear of him, just wonder that I should find someone else out here.4

We stared at each other what seemed like hours before he let out a “whoop” and disappeared back into the forest. I don’t know what compelled me but my feet started to take me after him. I crashed through the brush about six paces behind him but his knowledge of the area allowed him to easily stretch the distance. Suddenly fearful that I would be left lost in a tomb of trees that I could not navigate my way out of, I threw caution to the wind and increased my speed. 5

My lungs felt like they were about to give out when I swept through the tree cover and found myself in another clearing, this on much larger than the first and populated with about fifteen small huts. Everywhere unclothe people turned to look at the intruder, and at that moment I feared the worst. Two natives too my left held similar blow sticks to that which the hunter had used to fell the reptile. A third, standing in front of me held a sharpened spear. I grabbed for my belt knife, cursing my rashness for leaving my sword behind I took up a stance against attack. An attack that never came…

Author notes

For those who feel that this ended a bit suddenly, I should point out that I intend to write a following story at a later date about what happens within the tribe. That is if Oddities will allow it. The anthropologist within me desires to tell the story of the Keltorai.

Thanks for the detailed world aswell Oddities.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • SimplyTaylor
    March 10, 2008

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    This moves wonderfully. The way you've written it makes it feel so encompassing and informative with just a few well strung words. I also look forward to more.


  • Taylor Renee
    November 21, 2007

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    AHHH!

    This really makes me want more!

    You should definitely do that, you've done great with what you have so far!

    I really love this! It's written almost perfectly, and you used the plot really well!

    You deserved that silver!

    You really did awesome.

    Let me know when more comes out, if you want! I'd be glad to read it!

    Thanks so much for the great read!

    xoxo
    -♥-
    Tay


  • Oddities
    November 7, 2007

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    embrace the anthropologist within

    Running off in pursuit of a strange savage is a bit deus ex machina, but certainly no worse than the average horror flick.

    I can’t fault the actual story, but I'll echo the other comments, it does rather cry out to be extended, especially the scene where he sails off and leaves his sister.

    As for permission, im not sure if I could even claim legitimate copyright anyway, (Burgwallis Wood is just down the road) but consider anything i created for this contest public domain, to pillage as you will.


    • Stegofreak
      November 8, 2007
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      If I may be honest, I had the intention of contunuing it on and writing about the main character returning to the town and going down the obvious route about noting its evils in comparrison with the simple life of the tribesmen. Unfortunately that was dropped because I've a 3,000 word Social Theory essay due in tomorrow.


  • NotTheDroids
    October 23, 2007

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    You do want to finish this - there could be a whole serial in this. Even the opening line has me wanting more!


  • Electric Sunrise gold member
    October 23, 2007

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    FINISH IT! LEST YE FEEL THE WRATH OF MY HAND HAND SMACKING THE BACK END OF YOUR TRIBLY YA VAGRANT LOUT!

1 - 6 of 6