I Wish You Had Stayed Sober.

“Can I get an explanation at least?” he put his arm around her holding her even though he knew it was goodbye.1

“I wish you had just stayed sober. I know I can’t blame you. I did what I did with out you telling me to. I don’t like being drunk or being around drunks. When I wake up the next morning, I realize everything isn’t ok, and drinking doesn’t do anything but make me live in an alternate world for a little while. When I wake up life hits me harder than it did before. I don’t want someone who drinks and I don’t want you to change. You’re a great person, you make me laugh and you always have something interesting to say. But it can’t and it wont be. Drinking brings out the worst in people and I understand that, that isn’t always true. I just don’t like waking up in the morning and realizing that I've been letting down someone who did everything in the world to keep me from doing stupid things. He was my best friend and always there and protected me, he even disowned his own brother to keep me close. Every time I drink, I wake up and I remember all those things and how much I hurt him. I just I cant go on life remembering all that and I cant be with someone who drinks because I know even though they wont tempt me, I will.” She leaned away from him staring at the sky. 2

“I’m not saying this because I'm telling you to quit drinking, I don’t want you to change just because I say I don’t like it, what you do is who you are. You’re a great person, a great guy, and a great friend. I never want you to change because someone wants you to. Your life is lived your way, I just can’t continue with mine the way it is. I cant wake up the morning after and remember the person who sacrificed so much for me and I go back to putting myself in a position he tried so hard to protect me from. I'm not saying you’re a bad guy you’re just a lot different when you drink. You make me laugh and I don’t want to lose you as my friend. That’s why I can’t say yes to a relationship. Even if you did change, not for me but yourself, I couldn’t start it with us so far apart. I'm not strong enough, sometimes I think I am but I know deep inside I’m not. You need someone stronger than I am. I'm sorry.” She went to stand up but he held her down.3

“I don’t even know how to follow that, but I can’t make you say yes and I wont try. You know what you want and what you don’t want. Just know that we both are losing something great.” He lifted his arm from around her.4

She bit her lip wanting to say more, wanting to say what would hurt most but she didn’t. She held her tongue; she knew even if she tried she couldn’t say it. It would be a blow straight to where it would hurt most and she really wasn’t strong enough to say something that harsh. Instead she stood up looked forward for a minute then went to walk away. He grabbed her hand to stop her before she left.5

“Your stronger than you think you are. You just need the right person to show you that,” his eyes said he meant that, but she knew the truth about herself. 6

There was more she knew she wasnt strong enough to tell him. She would never let him know what he did, the real reason she said no.