Spread your wings and fly the coop.
At the age of sixteen, I yearned for more. But moving out into the big wide world really intimidated me.
My father said to me “Cindy, either you go back to school or you move to your mothers, and to get a job.”
Part of me knew he was right, if I did not go back to school, what would I do? 1
There in that small country town, the teenagers turned to racing cars and underage drinking, just because they were so bored. Being one of the quieter types, I wasn't into drinking and racing cars.2
Since I did not want to return to school, my father made the arrangements. I would be on the next train to my mothers. Leaving him and my sister behind. I still get choked up picturing dad putting me on the train. Do not get me wrong I was excited to be going straight to my Mum my best friend, but if anyone is very close to their sister. Or in my case a twin sister. Then you would understand what it feels like to have to somewhat leave them behind.3
If I did not have anyone, well I always had her. Therefore, I was never really alone. 4
I tried my best to settle in for the long trip ahead. Thoughts of knowing I was leaving my life behind and starting afresh, but without them, were rushing through my head. I tried my very hardest hide the tears from them and I just managed. But as soon as they were out of view, I sobbed giant tears, silently due to the other passengers on the train.5
I remember crying for about an hour. It was not just leaving them, my home I had lived in for the past four years or even going away from my friends. It was all that but it was so much more. It is even quite hard to explain in words.6
Truth be told I never thought about the whole leaving home thing when I was growing up.
It is a fair thing to say I was just a kid who lived in the moment. Like all children and innocent souls should.7
As I sat on that, train a nine-hour journey ahead of me. I remembered everything, all the good times and all the bad ones too. 8
I cried again at the mistakes I had made and the disappointments I had caused my father, too many times. The pain I suffered over not having my mother in my life, until I was eleven. Not wanting to get upset on the train and in front of people, I forced the good memories to come.
I smiled thinking back to the Japanese exchange students, their gifts and the interesting games they taught us. Always picking the same activities as my friends. Then we would always be together.9
I continued consoling myself with that all the after years of wanting it, (and nearly running away to her a couple of times too). I finally got to live with my Mum. I did not have to say goodbye at the end of a week. Which I always felt was such a short amount of time.10
I looked forward to a chance to finally get closer to my half brother and be around to watch him grow. I grew up with this dark cloud of my mother leaving when I was two and coming back at eleven. That had caused me enough restlessness. Smack! Bang, slap in the face. I have a brother but we have different fathers.11
I was only eleven, when I found out. So of course, I was stoked. Later on though, when I was a bit older I thought gees how unfair life can be sometimes. I missed my Mother for eight-to-nine years but wait I missed a brother for six years too.
I have a lot of relief that I was young enough to live for the moment, play with my brother, and love having my Mother, no matter how much it was.12
The train rolled on…
The journey was so long and boring. I just could not wait now to be able to go shopping, to the movies or just to watch a video at home. Everything I would get the chance to do with my Mum, excited me to the core.13
I could play computer games with my brother Jason all the time and a later I would find out, we were master at making up games. Hotel receptionist, manager, and Spies on the backseat of the car. It never fazed me to be doing things like that with him at sixteen. I just adored the chance to it all with him.14
I matured and with mums help I got a job, not long after I made the move myself for more of a career in a better job.
I would still sit there everyday with Jason watching the cartoons before we caught the bus together, me off to work and he, to school…15
I held so much anger towards my dad that he seemed to send me away so easily. It was not as if he cried.
Although somehow when I was about twenty-two I did come to the realisation, he was doing the right thing for me. That he was simply helping me fly the coop…….and spread my wings………16
17
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Author notes
Not sure if it's what your looking for, for the contest SK. But I wrote it anyways, lol . Hope you enjoy
A contest entry
- My First Contest by Natalie-.
540 points, ended October 27, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Nice story, it could do with some extra detail. I know I didn`t write the params out properly but since I know what I like next time I will do it exactly as I want it, lol. Thanks for entering it in to my contest.
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I know what I added below looks a lot, but they are just my suggestions...also might want to check out the spacing on this as it may need looking at.
I was the age of sixteen. I yearned for more, but moving out into the big wide world really intimidated me.( I think as an opening line this didn't read well, I suggest...At the age of sixteen I yearned for more. But moving out into the big wide world really intimidated me.)
“Cindy(,) either you go back to school or you move to (your mothers in, and get a job.") Sydney to your mothers and to get a job”
Part of me knew he was right(,) if I did not go back to school(,) what would I do(?)
turned to racing cars and underage drinking(,) just because
I was lucky I did not, being one of the quieter types.(Being one of the quieter types, I wasn't into drinking and racing cars.)
All the plans were put into action, some by dad, some for me.( I assume she is having to go to her mothers, but you don't really explain it.)--Since I didn't want to return to school, my father made the arrangements. I would be on the next train to my mothers. I still get choked when I remember the memory of my father putting me on the train.)
(I would start the___I could barely breathe
as a new paragraph...)
to my Mum (my best friend), but (would remove this from the brackets.)
If I did not have anyone, well I always had her. Therefore, I never really had no one. (not sure what you mean by this line?)
A fear of what would happen to Bianca (hang on you are not going alone? this is the first you tell us, maybe tell us sooner, also the sentence feels unfinsihed....)
for the past 4(four) years
I comforted myself with the fact those after years of wanting it(this just didn't read quite right, wasn't 100% sure what you meant here)
him at 16(sixteen). I just
Let me know when you have fixed this and I will read through it again.
Sarah.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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