Yesterday

Missing image
I loved Carl more than life itself. We had been married only one year, and I'd swear I loved him more with each new day. We married February 20, 2020.1

My husband worked in time research at NASA. Their goal was to find a way to break through the time barrier in order to go beyond conventional methods of space travel and exceed the speed of light. Theoretically possible, but not practical thus far. Up to that date, only very limited time travel had been accomplished, a few months maximum. Going back in the past was very restricted for fear of damaging the present. There was a no contact policy, and affecting change in the past was highly prohibited. I was very proud of my husband.2

My husband was not an overly handsome man, but he was fantastic to me. He was slim, wore glasses because he didn't like contacts on his bright blue eyes, and he was only 5'10 1/2". His medium length brown hair almost always appeared windblown. His sallow face looked all of his forty years. Still, I was the luckiest woman in the world.3

Carl had worked at NASA for eleven years. We had met there when I began my internship there as an electrical engineer. I was 22 then and I was now 24. No children, we were not ready yet. Selfish, I suspose, but we didn't want to divide our time with kids and I was also frightened of full term pregnancy. I was oppose to early induced delivery.4

Carl always felt a bit insecure about our love, because I was pretty, smart, and young. He felt somehow that he didn't deserve me or that I might leave him. I couldn't seem to brush away his fears. I was smart, but he was a genius and he could make me laugh just by looking at me in his way.5

I heard the door, "Hello Honey," I shouted and ran into his arms. We kissed passionately. We were always passionate. "I picked up dinner on the way home, do you want it now?" I asked.6

"Later, I want you now." He lifted me in his arms and carried me to our bedroom. Quickly he unwrapped me from my clothing as though I was a Christmas package. He nearly tore my clothes off. With only just a little more care, I removed his apparel. We were deliciously naked. "Top or bottom?" he asked.7

Although we were both eager we made our passion last. We were both deeply satisfied and rested for a couple of hours afterward, dozing. When we woke, we cuddled. Then we went down to our chicken dinner, slaw, mashed potatos and gravy. It was a delicious meal even after a nuking in the microwave.8

We watched television after dinner in each others arms and then went to bed for another round of love making. We woke very content and well rested in the morning. We drove separate cars to work because Carl usually worked late. I usually got a few minutes headstart. That day was our anniversary.9

I got to work and after about an hour, Bob, Carl's supervisor, called and asked if I knew why Carl had not come in. I immediately thought that it must be some kind of anniversary surprise. I told Bob as much. "Happy Anniversary," he said.10

"Thank you."11

I went about my work feeling very happy.12

Bob called again, "Carrie, there's been an accident."13

My heart dropped to my feet and my stomach turned into knots.14

"Carl is at Houston Memorial Hospital. My driver will take you."15

At the hospital, a police officer came up to me and explained, "Apparently, Mrs. Clark, a driver lost control of his car and ran into your husband causing his car to run through the guard rail of the bridge. His car fell more than twenty feet."16

Next the doctor came up to me and I knew before he spoke that Carl had died. I fell to my knees and sat on the floor a cried in a complete state of shock. I screamed, "NO! NO! NO! NO!" I curled up into a ball and rocked back and forth. Bob tried to comfort me.17

I could hardly motivate into anything and my sister had to make funeral arrangements. I was as dead inside as Carl. I had quit living. I took my vacation and stayed away from work. I let myself go and did my best to stay away from everyone, keeping to myself. I thought about suicide everyday. I no longer had a life. Bob called me and warned me that I had to return to work or they would fire me. I didn't care.18

Then the idea occured to me. I became a person with a mission. I went back to work. I needed to change departments.19

Bob was married, but I knew he had his eye on me. I knew his interest might easily exceed that of a friend. While I was still in love with Carl, I had to convince Bob to take me into his department. There was no other choice. There was not much time.20

"Bob, I can't stand being alone," I told him over the phone. "Do you think we might spend some time together?"21

Bob was fifty-one and I am certain that in many ways he thought of me as a daughter. I had to change that. "Well I could spend a little time with you tonight," he said and I could tell from his voice that he was puzzled by the change in me. 22

Bob was a handsome muscular man for his age with dark graying hair and long sideburns. He smiled amiably when he arrived at my house. I hugged him pressing my body close to his and kissed him on the cheek. We sat on the sofa, I leaned into him holding his hand, and we watched television. He was quite the gentlemen, he made no move on me. I, on the other hand, was prepared to be a slut. I knew that he liked my long, silky, dark hair, slender figure, and brown eyes. I whispered in his ear, "Make love to me."23

"Don't you think it is a little soon?"24

"Oh God! I need to feel loved so bad."25

I pulled him up from the sofa and led him into the guest room. I couldn't bare to share our room with him. I'm not sure it made sense, but somehow it seemed all right to me. He was a delightful lover, but it was still just a fuck to me. He just never could replace my Carl.26

We began sneaking off together regularly. I didn't know and didn't care if his wife suspected. I was certain that he felt guilty and who knew which of us he loved more. He also had his nearly grown children to think about. I kept pressing him to let my into his department. I told him how much I needed to be with him and he knew that I was a good engineer. 27

Finally he arranged my transfer. I led him to believe that I was deeper and deeper in love with him each day, though we were careful not to show it at work. He began to talk of divorcing his wife. I continued with my plan.28

It wasn't hard to understand how to set the controls to go back in time in the time chamber, but getting the key to the control panel from Bob was going to be difficult. I also knew I would have only seconds to program the chamber when I went. The key was step one. He wore it around his neck.29

We, like most white collar employees, usually had weekends off. I had started asking him to take off the key when we were love making. On Saturdays, he would tell his wife he was playing golf and I would fuck his brains out. It may have been more literal than it might seem. He would usually leave the key off all Saturday afternoon. I said, "I need to run to the store real quick, you stay in bed and I'll be right back." 30

"Okay." 31

I slipped the key off the chest when I got fresh panties and prayed that he wouldn't notice it was missing. I drove to a key shop nearby. They made a cast of the key explaining that they would have to make a custom key having no matching blank. I got some method Marborough cigarettes and went back to the house.32

"Did you see my key?" he asked as I came back into the bedroom. Putting my purse on the dresser I asked, "Where did you have it last?"33

"I left it on the dresser as I usually do."34

"Hmm." I said opening my purse and taking out the cigarettes. I was between Bob and the chest. "Maybe I knocked them into my panties drawer when I got my panties. I opened the drawer dropping the key inside as I did.35

"Here it is," I told him.36

"You really had me worried," he said. "I'm glad there was a logical explanation."37

I wasn't sure I had him convinced.38

I had passionate sex with him and he said nothing further about it.39

I felt the longest I dared wait was two weeks. It had been almost three months and that was about the maximum amount of time the time chamber could take anyone. I got the key from the locksmith shop and kept it in my purse so that I'd be ready at the earliest chance. I had to manage to get back before the accident. There could be no failure. I would only have one chance.40

When we were preparing a shorter test with Sam as the time traveler, I reset the controls and quickly ran into the chamber. Sam was the first to notice and yelled, stop her. Bob shouted, "Carrie, DON'T!" That was the last thing I heard as the door closed behind me. I had a queezy feeling in the pit of my stomach and dizziness. I felt for a moment that my heart would burst. The next thing I knew, I had passed out in an alley. Awaking, I realized I'd made it, but what day? If I had made it in time and if I had been successful, Carl would be alive again in the future, but there were two of me in the past. It seemed that one of us had to die.41

I had planned to tell the original Carrie, or the younger one, that Carl would die if she didn't make him leave at a different time. Then I would take my life. The problem was, could I trust her, myself as I was then? Mightn't because of Carl's dedication to the project, she not prevent him from dying? Might she love him so much that she would sacrifice her happiness and his life for the sake of the project? I was a different person than I'd been before. I had to consider that.42

Was I capable of losing Carl twice? I didn't know. If I died I'd lose him. If I lived on without him, I'd lose him. If I told the other me, she might let him die. Could I kill her and take her place? Could I trust her to save him? That kept coming back to me.43

First I had to find out if I had made it in time and how much time I had. I went and bought a newspaper. I had made certain to have plenty of cash. February 17th. I'd made it. My heart lept. I decided to meet her in the morning before she left for work. We had to have a talk. Maybe the talk alone would be enough to change the circumstances that would lead to Carl's death. I'd still have to decide whether to live or die, whether to kill my other me, myself, or no one.44

I had my keys and I opened the garage and got into her car, or should I say my car. I used the remote to close the garage door. I crouched down in the back seat. I felt I was prepared for anything. I had some special implements with me in case they became necessary.45

Soon I heard her opening the door. Just as I suspected, she did not notice I was in the car. She opened the garage door and began the long drive to work. At the first stop sign she came to, I said, "Relax, I have a lot to explain. Drive into that alley and park."46

"Who are you, what do you want?" she asked and then she turned and looked at me and the realization came to her.47

"You're me, from the future," she said.48

Still in the backseat, I told her everything that had happened.49

"This is madness. No telling how many things you may have already effected," she insisted.50

"Yes, but it has probably already saved Carl. Only a split second of difference could save him."51

"Dear God, what have you done?"52

"I saved Carl," I spat.53

"We've got to tell Carl," she said earnestly.54

"Not until the time of the accident has passed," I insisted.55

"No, we have to tell Carl!" argued my other self.56

"I can't let you do that," I told her. Quickly I took a foot and a half length of nylon rope out of the bag I had brought. Before she could stop me, I wrapped the cord around her neck. Tightly with all my might I pulled the synthetic rope around her throat. Her face turned red as she fought to breathe. Gradually her struggle weakened. Finally her face paled and her hands fell limply to her sides. I maintained the tension for five minutes longer. I was certain she was dead. There was a rope burn around her neck. Her head had fallen back and her lips and finger nails were bluish. Her eyes were dilated and blood shot.57

I got out of the car and and shoved her from the front seat into the back seat. I drove for fifty miles and then I pulled into the woods following a dirt road. I drove off the road and through the trees out of sight. I drug her body out of the car and went back for my bag. I took out a foot and a half wood saw and started slowly decapitating her. Finishing that, I cut through her wrists removing her hands from her body. It was not as bloody as I expected and oddly not a whole lot different than cutting meat. I put her head and hands in a plastic bag. Then I pulled off her blouse, slacks, and shoes. I put them into a separate bag. I left her body in the woods about 50 yards from the dirt road.58

I called work and told them that something had come up, and I'd be late. I went to a deserted camp site near the lake some twenty five miles from where I dumped the body. From a small cliff over the lake I dumped her head and hands. They sank as I had hoped. I took the plastic sack which had held the head and hands and stuffed it in with the clothing. I drove to the city and tossed that into a dumpster. I had murdered my other self.59

I went to work after I went home and changed clothing. I dressed similarly to the way she had dressed. No one caught on to the change at work. I got home from work earlier than Carl as usual. When Carl got home, I said, "Let go out to eat."60

"What? No hug, no kiss?"61

I laughed and said, "I'm sorry honey, I'm not myself today." I put my arms around his neck and straddled him with my legs kissing him.62

"Wow! That's more like it," said Carl. "Carrie, why don't we go to bed for a while first."63

"Oh God! I'd love that!"64

Author notes

Option 3 & 4 - Shania Twain
Favorite food: A really good Italian sausage pizza.

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Comments

1 - 61 of 61

  • tonialoise
    August 4

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    Ah... gotta love a good time travel story

    I'll forego the normal typo and grammar check. I will point out a few things that might help in future writings though.


    p9 "I usually got a few minutes headstart. That day was our anniversary." I've noticed a couple sentences like this second one that seem to stick out from the rest of the paragraph. They seem to interrupt the flow. You were talking about how their routine was then suddenly it's today. It's not a big deal, just something you might want to think about working on transitions. Something as simple as something like "...head start. That day was one of those days and our anniversary."


    Also as val said there's a lot of I did this, etc. like in p19, it is possible to added more description and emotion to all of these sentences without giving away too much what she's thinking, though the foreshadowing you did at the beginning gives the reader a pretty good idea. Mostly, if they weren't all such short succinct sentences it would flow better. such as; "I went back to work. I needed to change departments." Try to keep from starting every sentence with "I" just swap some stuff around a little. This is a weak example but I think you'll see what I mean; "knowing this, I felt a need to return to work and change departments." Adding her "feeling" gives it a little more emotion and combining the sentences helps the flow.

    Interesting how she went about getting the transfer, most people would just request it. Probably would have been nice to know a little background as to why she knew she had to take this option.

    p41 Bob shouted, "Carrie, DON'T!" I didn't realize it before, but this is the first we even knew her name. Also "Stop her" in the sentence before should be in quotes, and then of course Bob's words in a separate paragraph. I'd also put everything after "I had a queezy feeling..." (should be queasy) in a separate paragraph as to separate her experience from the rest and give it a little more importance. And maybe even a new paragraph for when she wakes.

    Ok, yes, why did she decide one of her had to die? Couldn't she just finagle her way back into the time chamber, especially since she still had her keys, and go forward in time? I know that's a bit more complicated than it sounds, but it's a less messy solution. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with her killing herself, and to me it's the main point of this story and what makes it different from other time travel stories, but providing more reasons and feelings leading up to this decision would help.

    p42 "I was a different person than I'd been before. I had to consider that." but doesn't she know how she would have thought? Did she really have to guess at her own frame of mind before his accident?

    p57 it would be nice to know how she felt while doing this, or at least how she saw her own face as the life left it. Maybe his death would make her cold, but I'm certain seeing yourself die would have some sort of shock value to the person watching, even if they're also the killer. If nothing else than after the fact.

    I'm glad you did put Carl noticing her being a little different and nice pun there by the way.

    It's a good plot idea, but yes some of the loopholes need to be patched for it to work well.

    Thanks for sharing, I had fun reading it.


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 4
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Toni!

      This story definitely falls in the category of needs more work. I have no idea when that's likely to happen. I prefer moving on to new stories to revising old ones. I'm much more inclined to revise a story that doesn't seem to need much help.

      I appreciate your in depth analysis. It helps.

      Andy

      • tonialoise
        August 4
        Edit | Reply
        Oh yeah, I totally understand. I'd much rather write something new than rewrite something old. I just hope some of the things I noticed will help with writing future stories.


  • eatonace
    May 23

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    i love reading your storys because they all have twists in them and also you develop the characters so well every time! thanks for writing this one it's as good as all the others!

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 23
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      I'm happy that you like my stuff. Thanks for dropping by. I appreciate you reading and commenting.

      Come by often for a of tea and cookies.

      Andy


  • Cupcake14
    May 18

    Edit | Reply
    Andy...you again. I like it when you enter my contests. You are a good author.
    Wow, this was good. Unfortunately, I was planning another contest for science fiction. This can classify as drama though.
    Best of luck in the contest!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 18
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      At the rate you're hosting contests and the rate you're reading me, soon you'll have read everything I've got you can read! I really appreciate it, though.

      I'll try to come up with something for your sci-fi contest when you have it.

      Thanks for hosting this one.

      Andy


  • Valkyrie silver member
    May 17

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    It's a cool plot. I like the changing of the past by killing the present self and taking her place; haven't seen that one before! I assume the irony is in killing yourself, you can save the future. Heh.

    I couldn't quite get into the first person well, because there was a lot of "I did this, then I did that", and large swaths of action where there was no accompanying emotion at all. The killing of herself and dumping of the body was way too methodical. If she was a well-adjusted person before hand, this would be her first murder and body dump. But she knows where to go and what to do, as if she's some psycho killer already. It kind of feels like you took out the nice lady and put in the Green River killer.

    If you shorten the body dump down quite a bit ("I dumped the body at my old swimming hole, weighted down with head-sized boulders") you can move on to her interaction with Carl. It feels like you're TRYING to make us stop and experience the body dump, but it reads like 1. Dump body 2. Cut off head 3. also hands...I don't think the scene needs to be so long for a story that's about time travel.

    And the end...I'm sorry, but I didn't get how she was changing the past. Or was your point that she wasn't changing it? Aren't there still 2 days to go before Carl dies? How does going out to eat save him now? It seemed like you ended it before we know whether her plan worked or not... I didn't feel like the story had a real ending.

    And um, why is this story on a list for kids under 14?? Dude.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 18
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Val!

      You find a lot of problems with this story. I don't really have time to look it over for them now. I may do a rewrite sometime later.

      She was determined to alter what would occur in the future. Perhaps when I wrote it, that was to be assumed? I guess I'll just have to read over it again sometime.

      I didn't feel this rated an adult listing.

      Thanks for hosting this contest.

      Andy


  • lavanya
    April 11

    Edit | Reply

    Intresting...and passionate....

    Totally my kind of story, yes there is some killing but 'everythin gis fair in love and in war'
    Passion was very strong ,i could feel the need in her while surrundering herself to Bob...i love the deep bond between them ...very intresting tale .

    Well done Andy, i enjoyed each and every word. thanks fo rthis

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      April 11

      Edit | Reply

      Hi Lavanya!

      I'm glad you're such a fan. Now if I could just turn you on to murder and mayhem. I'll do some thinking and see if I can find anything else that's romantic and not too deadly.

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      Andy


  • Surreal Rhapsody
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The way you described him seems like he would be a Carl. I like the way you told how he looked, I could definetly picture him.

    Carls boss must have felt like crao, calling and her being all happy, saying it was their anniversery. I would have.

    If I were you, when she found out she died, especially since your in 1st person, I would add more emotional discription to what happens, along with the grief you could see. Just a tip, you don't have to follow it.

    hmmmm... if she killed her past self, wouldn't that mean she would be presently dead?

    Wow, that was a really good story. I would work on emotional discription, but the plot was really really good. Here are some points for you:

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      I'm not sure. If she came back, it might be that she couldn't kill herself. If she had killed herself, she wouldn't have been alive to come back and kill herself. Perhaps, it would create an entirely different time line.

      I may do a rewrite at some point.

      I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

      • Surreal Rhapsody
        October 31, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Time travel always does confuse me. It always ends up going in circles. If she went back and killed herslef she wouldn't be there to go back in time and kill herself. But, if she had died than her future self wouldn't exist to go back in time and kill herself, so she would be fine. lol, thats why I can't write about it, I'd over complicate it. I loved your story, it was great. Thank you for entering, that was my first contest for a while and it was refreshing. I thank you for participating.

        -Savannah

  • Minorchar
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this story a lot. Not a particularly original idea, but the execution was very good. Also, the beginning was filled with cliches, but as they were used they helped the story rather than hurt it. A couple suggestions, if you want to play with it at all: relate her feelings when seeing her other self--that would have to be a bizarre experience. Also, her motivation for seducing Bob, while clear, is not very fleshed out--you could do something more with that. Finally, as an observation, since the time travel here doesn't really work, this story is about the characters, mainly the woman telling it, and their motivation and reactions.

    As I said, good job.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      I'm very pleased that you like this story. I may at some time go over it and try to improve it. Rewriting is not one of my strengths.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Reaver Greeters member
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was wonderfully written. I enjoyed the detail and her emotional fall. I could feel her desperation as she began the affair and couldn't wait to find out how she would go about doing what i figured she would do. I do have one question though...if she killed her 'old'self, shouldn't she be dead? Very well written...i loved it!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Yep

      It does stand to reason if she killed her old self her other self would be dead as well. On the other hand, it would be an entirely different time line for both selves if she altered the past. However, in this story what she did worked. I guess it is a question of whether there can be multiple time lines and multiple realities. Probably the story doesn't work very well, but I like it anyway.

      Andy


  • Doppleganger
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well done, though the pace of the story felt rushed throughout.
    I liked the concept, but I didn't feel the emotion that the main charachter felt. I didn't feel the pain in her loss or the frantic reasoning when she decided to kill her other self. I also wished you could have conjured up someting new. I only allowed prewrites because of those individuals who have won few trophies with thier stories. You on the other hand have won many with this prewrite. Please consider writing a new one, there is still plenty of time to do so.

    -Raven

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Raven

      Not a good time for me to write anything fresh. My muse has taken a hike. No idea when she'll be coming back.

      Her decision to kill off her other self was quite premeditated. She knew her former self well enough to know she could never trust that self to keep the secret from Carl. She also knew that Carl might try to sacrifice himself for the good of keeping everything in balance. She didn't want that. So, she changed it. One could argue that you can't change the past, that even if you could go back, it would only be as a spectator.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting.

      Andy


  • Fizbop
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was pulled into this story, and it was very well done. I couldn't stop reading this. Really well done.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      March 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Fizbop

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I really appreciate it. I'm very glad that this story drew you in. I enjoyed writing it. How is everything going?

      Andy


  • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
    February 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck in my contes - what a well written peice of art.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      February 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Randy

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I'm glad you like this story. I hope you had many entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    January 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good luck
    Was a beautifully written story

  • Decadent Anomaly
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How deliciously wicked. It is amazing the lengths we will go to for love. This is very well written. I found it easy to become engrossed and more importantly to remain interested and entertained to the end.

    Carrie is a unique and twisted protagonist/antagonist. Afterall she is both. Bravo!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      January 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      I am very pleased that you like this story. Carrie was an obsessed lover before Carl died, but became even more so when she lost him. She was determined to save him, but she couldn't trust her old self. This was fun to write.

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Toxic Paradox
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Theorectically" should read 'theoretically". Not a big issue though, typos are common to everyone!

    I like the description of Carl - although he's not gorgeous he is loved which makes the reader sympathetic to the narrator because they're not shallow. Also, the accuracy of height etc... means that they cleary knew each other very well!

    I like the line 'we were always passionate'. It sounds warm - and just after it, about the meal they shared, the phrase 'a nuking in the microwave' is really clever considering the time this is set in (people expect nuclear weaponry to be more advanced at this stage) and it has a sort of 'bad omen' feel, so that you know something is going to happen.

    'I on the other hand, was prepared to be a slut' seems really odd considering that Carl isn't long in his grave. The section concerning her mourning period could do to be expanded to make this transition seem less forced.

    The key sequence also has this problem of feeling forced - with a little editing that could have some serious tension in it.

    This has some real potential but I think a lot needs re-drafting to get it feeling like real-life events.

    Thank you so much for entering my contest I really appreciate it!

    -T.P. xxx

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      January 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

      Once she had the idea to go back in time, she had to work quickly because she knew the maximun time they could go back was only a few months. She didn't really stop mourning, she just replaced it with a course of action. She was deeply in love with Carl the whole time.

      I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • IxLovexElphiex
    December 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    thank you very much for this read. it was very unique, and i have to say ive seen nothing like it. but, i have to agree with past comments and say that more of her inner thoughts and emotions would make this so much better. thanks so much for entering and good luck.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      I'm glad that you like this story. So you feel that I need to get more into her character? I guess I may try to do that some time later.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

  • Mazzon
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Have to like the attitude here. What's prostituting yourself to save your love? Or mudering yourself? I just wish there'd been more in-depth exploration of her mindset and feelings. As is, the acts of betrayal of trust, and homicide, are viewed rather dispassionately.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      So you feel I need to go into her mindset and emotions more? That seems to be the consensus of the comments I've received. Doing rewrites is not one of my strengths, but I may give it a shot on this story at some point. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Rune Morose
    December 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting ideas. Although I can't say I approve of the grammar (you used almost no commas throughout the story), I did like the issues of continuity you brought up. I actually smiled when you mentioned that she sneaked up on her other self because, well, she had the keys! She was quite an unusual villain (it's not murder if you kill yourself, it's suicide...but she's still alive, so she didn't commit suicide...), and somewhat sympathetic too, although I think you could have included more content that really brought us in touch with her emotions after losing her husband. She certainly belongs on the reading list for the group.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 6, 2007
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      Thanks

      She makes a different kind of villain. By going back in the past, she immediately changed the future for selfish gain. Not trusting her former self, she decided to kill her and take her place. I think that made her quite ruthless in a way.

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • silent dances
    December 1, 2007

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    It was good, You did mention sex alot although, But, because you wern't discriptive at all about it, your O.K. It had a Twisted ending more then an ending with a twist, Which I don't mind at all. anyway, good luck!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this story. So you feel it has a twisted ending rather than ending in a twist. Oh well, hope that doesn't count against me.

      I also hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • potaytee
    November 29, 2007
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    That's very good. Not what I like to read but still very good! Well done.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 29, 2007
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      Thanks

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Sorry that this was not your cup of tea I'm glad you felt it was well written.

      I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    November 23, 2007

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    I really enjoyed your story. I felt like you skimmed over the hot parts but when you continue reading, the story takes a turn. I like the way you approached the character's other self and I didn't expect it. Nice work.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      On this story I only had a vague idea where I was going. I laid a foundation and then went from there. I didn't know how I was going to end it until I arrived at the end. I'm glad you like it. Thanks for reading and commenting, and for hosting this contest. I hope you have many great entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Felissa
    November 23, 2007

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    Wow. Certainly an unexpected ending. I totally did not expect her to kill her past self, but I have to admit, it works well. I guess she'd rather spend her time with him and know what is going to happen rather than having her meddlesome past self around.
    I hope she can prevent his death the next time.
    Thank you for the amazing entry and good luck!
    ~_^Star

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      This instant she went back into the past, the future was changed. How much so would be guess work, but certainly the accident that killed Carl could be averted. Some believe that death is fated in which case Carl might have died another way, perhaps a simple heart attack. Personally, I think choices make the future, but on the other hand; when you die, you die.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I hope you have a lot of great entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • hiGh-on-happYness
    November 12, 2007
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    I didn't even take time to finish this. It WILL be disqualified... I specifically said NO ADULT THEMES WHATSOEVER. I am only 12. Thanks for entering, but this does not meet my requirements.
    Plus, you obviously didn't read rules. It said to put the word "Rosie" in your author's comments... not that it matters now anyway. You are disqualified.
    Lily


  • Pudding-zilla silver member
    November 8, 2007
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    haha. that's cool. can you continue with this story? I think that would be really cool!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 8, 2007
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      Thanks

      How would you like to see the story continued? She took the place of her former self, I am not certain where it should go from there. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Infectious Insanity
    November 8, 2007

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    hey! that was cool! it didn't give away any obvious clues about her killing herself and it had a good pace to it, although i thouht that some parts could be lengthened a bit

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 8, 2007
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      Thanks

      She decided she couldn't trust her old self, so she did away with her. She was afraid that if Carl knew the truth, he might sacrifice himself, and she couldn't have that. I'm glad you like this story. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • purplelirpa
    November 5, 2007

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    wow! I liked this. I never even suspected that she would murder herself! The pacing in this was perfect, I felt like the action moved it effectively.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 5, 2007
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      Thanks

      I'm glad you like this story. I felt that it turned out pretty well. It was written for a contest. Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. Yes, she had to kill her old self because she didn't trust her old self.

      Andy


  • requiempoet
    October 27, 2007
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    Mmmm intresting story Daddy!! a little gruesome but still very nicely done.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 28, 2007
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      Thanks Rosita

      I don't know if you are into sci-fi or not, but it was very nice of you to come over to storywrite and read my story. I hope the story hung together well. I've been having a trouble with writer's block, and this was kind of a break from it.

      Love you Princess.

      Andy


  • Rosemary silver member
    October 22, 2007

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    Good story

    I wished you continued the ending a bit longer. What happened after a few months passed? Did Bob remember? What else was altered because she went back in time? What about the guy that was in the accident? Maybe a news paper account of the accident a few months later would answer the questions.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 22, 2007
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      Thanks

      Well, Carl didn't die. The accident may or may not have occurred, but it did not affect Carl, Carrie, Bob or Sam. Except for some changes in Carrie, there was no other immediate changes. Bob had no memory of the incident the instant Carrie transported into the past. Carl was no longer dead.

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate you.

      Andy


  • Rini
    October 21, 2007

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    This started out sounding all sweet and semi-innocent, then it just got disturbing. Not that that's a bad thing by any means! I suppose that probably sounded offending but I loved the story! I have to agree with DYerMaker16, it did seem very realistic!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 21, 2007
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      Thanks

      I'm very pleased that you loved this story. It was a challenge to write. The Point of view I felt would make it more realistic and delving into the Sci-fi aspects made it fun. Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding.

      Andy


      • Rini
        October 21, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        you seriously did an awesome job!


  • DYerMaker16
    October 21, 2007

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    This was really good! I loved that. It was realy really interesting and it felt as if it had actually happened. Very realistic, seems like something that would acutally happen in 2020. Good to see someone who doesn't think in the overly-done cliched time-travel theory: that if you go back in time and kill your past self then you will dissapear. Because the way I see it is that once you change the past then you are no longer part of a future that exsists. You're a completely different person than your past self.

    I don't see this very often, and that's why I liked it so much.

    Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like this story. I gave a lot of thought to what would happen and didn't know till I reached the end, how it would end. I hope you have many good entries and a great time.

      Andy


  • Mallig
    October 21, 2007

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    This was a great read. I was actually on the edge of my seat! This raises some fascinating issues, that I am left still pondering, such as "Might she love him so much that she would sacrifice her happiness and his life for the sake of the project? I was a different person than I'd been before. I had to consider that." The dilemma of whether to kill herself, and which self to kill... that was deep. I also loved how her past self immediately and calmly recognizes the situation in the car, with no "eek who are you", etc.

    There are a few places where less detail might tighten up the flow a bit (for example, "I got out of the car and and shoved her from the front seat into the back seat." could be "I shoved her into the back seat", since the reader already knows she is in the front seat), and in a couple of spots there seemed to be a little repetition in the description of Carrie's internal debates. Overall this was a very strong story, and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for entering my contest!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      October 21, 2007
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      Thanks

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like this story. It was completely inspired by your contest. I felt like it turned out pretty well. As I was writing it, I wasn't certain how it was going to end or who of the two selves would live. The love of both selves for Carl was dynamic.

      I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

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