I was so sick of my master just sitting there, tapping on my keys. Always tapping on my keys, tap tappity tap tap. I think she was writing a story or something, I don't know. Yet again she slammed down my enter key with such force I just wanted to shut down right there and make her lose all that work she hadn’t remembered to save. I wanted to move, wrap my mouse cord around her neck, and strangle her! But of course, I couldn't, cause I'm a computer.1
Suddenly, a little dragonfly flew by and sprinkled its dust all over me. I could feel myself begin to move, the mouse rising up against her hand, the speakers beginning to rumble with the music playing from them. I could move! So what did I do? Wrapped my mouse cord around her neck and strangled her of course! (Unexpected eh?)2
Well, now I had to find something to do with my newfound life. I figured I'd go stretch my gears a little. So I jumped off the desk and out the front door, which my master so conveniently left open for me. "Oi, what the hell?!" yelled some man from a tree in the part across the road. Uh-oh... I couldn't let any humans know I could move, they would stop using their computers, or try to take me in for experiments, or something. I quickly brought up on my screen "Come here human scum" (what, you thought I could talk too? Well, I could have, but my master decided my Microsoft Sam voice was annoying and deleted it altogether to stop her sister using it.) 3
Apparently the guy in the tree was a little high, as most people who live in trees are, because he did come down... well, fell down... from the veranda of his little tree house. I jumped over to him, and told him I had some herbal medicine for him. My master had left a double male jack plugged in, so I gave him the loose end. He took it like a pill, and then... I sent my electrical current down his throat!!! MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!4
*Cough cough* anyways...5
There was a zoo in the park! I knew this from searching my hard drive to the map my master made when she first moved here. But I had to find a way to get through the park without being seen by humans... Suddenly an old guy was walking beside me, so after he passed I jumped into his roller bag thing that he was trailing behind him. He didn't even notice the extra weight, not that I'm all that heavy as far as computers go... Well, I supposed I could lose a few pounds off my monitor... And maybe shape up my keyboard a little better… But now isn't the time to debate that!6
I jumped out in front of the zoo and made my way inside. There were some cool hippos in a pen on the left. But one of them kept running around like a maniac, stomping with his great big feet. I would have asked what happened, but hippos can't read... Now I have even more reason to be mad at master for killing Microsoft Sam.7
"Oh that damn hippo got into the feeders coffee beans again! I told him, be more careful! Look, there’s the can, I'll bet there’s still more in it" Someone from behind me was chatting away to someone else. "Oh, this computer must be the one for the destruction display. It'll be destroyed with psycho hippo in there! This is gonna be awesome to watch..."8
Wait, did he say I was going in there? Hold on a minute!!! But it was too late, he threw me in. Now I had to avoid these great bloody hippos and still seem like I'm not alive. Suddenly the psycho hippo came up behind me and kicked me. I flew through the air, and realized how I was going to get out. Landing on my poor screen the glass broke. That hurt! I wanted to scream at them, but I couldn't.9
Then I saw it, the can of coffee! I sat waiting for another of the hippos to come up to me, as the people cheered. Finally one came up and I bounced as he kicked me, getting further than I would have from a simple kick but still looking normal. Hooking my mouse inside the jar I was kicked one last time and went over the fence. I made a run for it while no one could see me, and didn't stop until I was far far away.10
I saw a giraffe, but it looked kinda strange... He was missing an eye. It was cool! He was eating a bunch of bananas. But there was a weird bug above them. It was that dragonfly! It sprinkled its dust over one of the bananas, which promptly began to fly at the one eyed giraffe trying to poke his other eye out.11
I had to save the poor giraffe! I jumped in the cage and chased the banana, swinging my spare cord at him, trying to electrocute him. I swung again and again, and then, when I had him cornered, I made my final swing... and the stupid giraffe walked in front of me! I couldn't stop the swing as I electrocuted the poor giraffe. I tried to pull away but the cord got lodged in a scab, electrocuting the open skin. I was detached again once the giraffe fell, dead. Whoops... 12
I wrapped my mouse cord around the banana and squeezed it out of its skin like in the cartoons on my drive. It didn't work. I got all sticky. So I fed the mush into my battery drive, since those were running low, and the bananas magical properties might work like a battery.13
I had had quite enough fun for one day, so I escaped from the zoo and looked around the town. But strangely enough the sky had turned gray, and I felt a droplet of water on me... Uh-oh.…..
Author notes
thought id take you up on your final challenege teehee
This came from a very random phrase in a contest that was implying you could write about anything, but I decided to take it literally.
for the worst story contest, i think this is my worst story cause its just... nothing. its stupid lol. funny, but stupid
thing is with me, i dont even put my crap stories on the website
A contest entry
- Anything Goes! Well...there ARE limits I guess. by Fragments Of Dreams.
100 points, ended November 25, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by potaytee.
120 points, ended November 12, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Must You Always Do Something Like That? by So Strange.
325 points, ended November 25, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - We want your worst story! by DoozerDan.
710 points, ended April 16, 2008, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want the best jokes you've got! Make me die of Laughter! Do it! *O_O by Fervent-Author.
230 points, ended March 23, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Best of the Best by Thedamned77.
375 points, ended May 5, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short and Funny by Rosemary.
225 points, ended April 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
My computer, on the other hand, would become my bestest friend lol.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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How bizaar
Thanks for entering my contest and good luck -
Haha. Very entertaining. It really doesn't have a point, but it was fun to read. Thank you so much for entering my contest. I really liked the ending. The raindrops and 'uh oh'. haha. Creative. Good luck!
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LOL This was so funny! A living computer now that is certainly a new one. It took a lot of creativity to think this one up.
~Joann
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lol to be completely honest i didnt think this plot up at all. someone running a contest (the contest anything goes, that has a gold on this piece) said she wanted anything, she said she would accept anything
http://storywrite.com/contest/2647
In there she writes
'So:
If you want to write about a banana that attacks a mutant giraffe, fine by me.
Or a hippo that drank too much coffee, fine by me.
Or a strange man who lives in a tree, go right ahead.
Or a crazy computer that comes to life and attacks the man who lives in the tree and takes the coffee away from the hippo and kills the giraffe and eats the banana, I don't care.'
i think she was being sarcastic at the time... but i decided to take her seriously and go with it
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lmfao!! This was great! I couldn't stop laughing. thanx for the entry
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hahaha i dont think you could win the 'worst story contest', this is too good!!
hahaha pretty original story, i must say
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Creative random story
I liked the idea of a live computer, but maybe an iphone would make it more do-able. Then the little critter could really get around. Good imagination.
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Good
I enjoyed reading it. A unique concept, this piece can be made a little leaner. There is a lot of fluff surrounding the meat of the story. The funny moments in the story were pretty cool.
Good luck. -
Lol a murderous computer how original!
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bahaha aww poor giraff.. (hope i spelled that right ^_^ ) lol wow... i think i might be more nicer to my computer now i dun want it strangling me... *pats the monitor* nice computer, i luv u BAHAHA ye newho funny stuff thanks for enetering n gud lucks ^_^
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Funny
I like this, it's quite light-hearted and random, vut it amused me no end.
Thanks for entering my contest!
-T.P. xxx -
That was original and kinda funny.
The only thing I have to say bad about it really is that you have too many '!'s in it.
Yey for randomness.
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I totally agree with Tea. it was really funny though!
hehehehehe
ex oh ex oh ex
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Wow that was so weird. Very good concept, I think you could write it better though. However I enjoyed reading it, well done and good luck!
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LOL!
That's hilarious. I didn't think anybody would take me seriously, but I guess I was kind of hoping someone would, too.
Good job, and good luck in my contest!
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