In the Dark

The window groaned heavily as he pushed it up, panting and looking around the street warily. The cold wind shrieked in his ears, and its fury beat against what little he was wearing. Soon, he knew, it would rain, and he would have to be away from here before it did. 1

Gingerly, he lifted and pushed his left leg through the window. Nothing , he realized. There were no traps. Smiling, he climbed in. 2

As he stepped into the house, he bit his tongue. He always did that whenever he felt excited, or when the anticipation was too much for him. When he was safely in, he looked around, keeping his ears sharp for any noise that would give away a person, if there were any in the house. But it was dark, and all that he could hear was the drumming of his heart against his chest. It seemed too loud, threatening to wake up the entire neighbourhood. But it didn’t. Carefully, he tiptoed across the room, his heartbeat getting faster and louder by second. 3

It wasn’t as if he was doing this for the first time in his life. No, he had done it before. A few times, in fact. But that did not lessen the danger, did it? There was always the chance that he might be caught. 4

But he did know one thing: the owner of the house, a young lady who lived all by herself, wouldn’t be the one to catch him. She was out; he had seen her going. He had camped outside the two-storey bungalow for a few days, and had observed all he could. He would have gone on longer, but his desire proved too much, and he knew that he couldn’t wait any longer. She always left at seven in the evening, going god alone knew where, and came back early in the morning, drunk. 5

He was in the living room, and his mouth gaped at the plush sofas and cushions that were laid around. The television, its size really, caught his attention as well. Some people seemed to have everything , he thought. But he wasn’t there to marvel at the posh life of a rich woman; he was there to take what he did not have. And he couldn’t linger. 6

He passed a bedroom, and peeked inside, just to make sure that he was indeed alone. He was assured. Just as he was about to close the door, his eyes fell on the bed, and he saw something. It was dark, so he moved into the room, squinting his eyes, and realized that the things were clothes, a lot of them, and none of them without an expensive label. And they were all scattered on the bed as if without a care. He wondered if he should take them, but then decided against it. He would think about it later. 7

He moved away from the bedroom, and made his way through the corridor, and found what he was looking for. The box that held the things he wanted was gray in colour, and it looked strong. And it was big. His mind salivated at the thoughts of what lay inside. Gingerly, as if afraid of something, he put his hand on the door, and pulled. 8

The door came open, and a small smile spread across his rugged face. 9

* * * * * 10

She parked her car at her gate, feeling uneasy, unhappy really at everything around her. Especially herself. Oh, she thought, the party was definitely wonderful, and she would have stayed on longer if it hadn’t been for the unexpected meeting with her ex-husband. That , in itself, wouldn’t have been unbearable. No, what made it unbearable was his new wife that was with him. New wife…and only just two months after divorcing her . Oh, they clung to each other like newly-weds, not caring about the embarrassments of others. Not caring even about the jealousy that crashed over his ex -wife. How could she stay any longer, then? 11

She stood at the door, and after staring at it for a few minutes, reached out at it with her keys. But as she stepped over the threshold, her mind went back to the image of his ex with his new wife. And why not, she wondered. He was, after all, good-looking, and young, and the pocket in which he stored his wealth definitely was big, almost bottomless. 12

His new wife wasn’t too bad-looking herself. 13

Some people seemed to have everything , she thought as she threw her bag on the couch. Why couldn’t I have been one of them? 14

It was only then that she noticed the open windows, and a wave of fear washed over her. She knew she was alone, and if there was somebody else in the house that should be… 15

She tip-toed to a drawer, and withdrew a small pistol. Checking if it was loaded, she moved silently around, looking out for the trespasser. 16

She saw him. And she felt a new wave, which felt more a tsunami, of fear crash over her. 17

He had seen her, too. 18

After what seemed like an eternity of staring, the burglar jumped into motion, running directly at her. 19

He was fast, too fast for her. By the time she had raised her gun, he was already past her, and was making straight for the open windows, a red plastic clutched in his hands, held tightly over his bony chest, like a mother protecting her child. 20

She realized that he was half-naked, shirtless. Not knowing what to do, without aiming even, she fired her gun. 21

It hit him squarely in the back. As he fell over with a gasp, the contents of his red plastic spilled on the ground. 22

But what spilled down was not gold, or money, as she had thought. They were just some small pieces of bread, some eggs, and a small bottle of milk. 23

She simply stood there, her gun still pointing at the fallen figure, feeling as though somebody was squeezing her insides with something. Her mind was numb, and she couldn’t think of anything. 24

The figure on the floor struggled, and managed to turn himself over, facing her. But before she could look him in the eyes, she turned and fled into the kitchen, knowing well that she wouldn’t be able to stand what she saw in his face. 25

But what she saw in the kitchen was something she couldn’t stand, too. There, just below the refrigerator, was a dirty, rugged piece of cloth which had, she had no doubt, been the dying man’s shirt. There was a small rose on it, and something had been written on it, too, just below it. 26

She stepped closer, and saw two crude sentences scribbled with charcoal. 27

28

"Thank you. God bless your kindness." 29

30

She felt tears swell in her eyes, and she ran to the dying man. As she approached him, she heard him whisper, “Why…is it that some people have…everything, while others…have nothi—” He gave a shudder, and then went completely still, his limp body sagging in her arms. 31

Some people have everything , she thought. To her, it was her husband and his new wife that had it all, while she, she felt, had nothing. But to the poor man…she was the one who had everything, while he had nothing. 32

Why indeed?

Author notes

In my humble opinion, perhaps this is one of my greatest short stories ever written. It was written on a particularly lonely and sad night, when I was feeling so down that I thought I'd never be able to rise again...but I did.

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Jack Necron
    August 31

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    This was a very good read with a complex storyline.

    I liked the opening sequences with the burglar. You described it so perfectly, really allowing us to see through his eyes. The fact that you didn't tell us what was in the box he opened made us wonder what he wanted. And then the twist comes.

    All he really wanted was something to eat, and he even went so far as to leave a note and rose. I wasn't expecting it turn out that way, and it was a sad revelation. I felt bad for the burglar after that, and even the woman that didn't know.

    One of the good things was that you helped drive the message by having the woman's personal thoughts revealed.

    "Some people have everything , she thought. To her, it was her husband and his new wife that had it all, while she, she felt, had nothing. But to the poor man…she was the one who had everything, while he had nothing"

    That is without a doubt, one of the best things I have read. It sums up how we view ourselves and others, and what we ultimate perceive.

    I genuinely enjoyed this, and would suggest that anyone read it.


  • lil.janie
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    Great story, really! I liked the twist, I know how to appreciate unexpected endings. He never struck me to be a common burglar, I expected a lot - but not what you did at the end. A great end, may I add.
    I just don't like the way you finished it. I don't think that you should state the obvious 'Some people have everything , she thought. To her, it was her husband and his new wife that had it all, while she, she felt, had nothing. But to the poor man…she was the one who had everything, while he had nothing.' - we can all see that, and that one's excessive. You should have ended it with the paragraph before the last one, that one can be a very good ending, and doesn't need that 'surplus'.
    That's just me, I didn't want to offend you or anything, the story is really good.


  • rocker4life
    August 20
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    Wow thats sad. Great job you did really good.


  • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
    October 19, 2008

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    Yup. Definitely one of your greatest. Congrats on making the finalists.
    RJ

  • Elphinstone
    September 28, 2008

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    powerful. Very. Umm, anyways, that was mst certainly well writtn. I like the twist where it turns out that he was only aftr food. Didn't mkae me cry though. If it had been longer, and had more at the end about how the lady felt, I think it would be better, buit that's just a personal view point. Ahh well, there we go. Keep up the good work


  • Kagamine Rin
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very emotional with good description. It sruck me when she fired the rifle, and I kept reading until the very end.

    I congratulate you on your entry for my cotnest. =D

    The twist was very good, as was the WHOLE entire passage!


  • RegalAngel
    May 28, 2008

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    wow this was really good... really emotional... good job. i love the twist in the end. It was so sad!


  • yumesandman
    January 7, 2008

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    Lol, I liked the twist. It was particularly nice because of the thief's attitude in the beginning was a little smug (all those smirks), so you sort of assumed he was a common thug, and that made the end all the better.

    The introduction of the woman and her exhusband seemed a little rushed, almost like you found out about her whole life's history and all of her emotions all at once, but it wasn't horrible.

    Great job!


  • deepak-maini
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    It's pretty good, but there are a few things I will change.


  • Ninja Bubble
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    zomgash! He was only stealing some food! This is exactly what people look for in a story, nice and easy plot, great characters, a added twist! Your awesome!

    Keep goin!~Z


  • LostSoulOfRage
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    thnx for entering the contest.
    this is soo good! i love it. its so sad! it really makes you think, brownie points for that! i really love this peice. i could feel the emotions in this peice. my heart broke when i read that he stole food! this is a truley amazing peice. it deffinantly deserves more comments than it has. the disctiption in this story was also great. this whole story was just amazing. i really love it. great job. id say good luck but i dont think you need it. keep it up!

    -LostSoul

    • Dark Wanderer
      December 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks!!

      Hi, I'm really glad you liked In the Dark. Yes, its a very sad story, and in my opinion, one of the best in my collection.

      I appreciate your comment, because it's very inspiring (for me, at least).

      Hope you have a very good contest.


  • OkapiShomapi
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "wake the entire neighbourhood up"
    Tsk tsk, ending a sentence with a preposition! Consider "wake up the entire neighborhood."

    "two-storey"
    This may be some non-American spelling with which I am not familiar, but isn't story spelled without the e? Please, inform me if I'm being un-worldly

    "he was there to take he did not have."
    take 'what' he did not have?

    "should take it,"
    take 'them'?

    Oh, PAR 10 is a perfect place to switch POV. Nice!



    Wow, yeah, the ending definitely gave me chills. In the end, the robber had everything, and the world had nothing. Hopefully, though, he managed to pass some of his wisdom on to the woman.

    Please, make the minor corrections above. Doing so will only help to perfect such a wonderful piece.

    Also, I see you've entered my contest. I wish you luck! And thank you, for an awesome work. Awesome...

    annye

    • Dark Wanderer
      December 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks!

      Hi, thank you for your wonderful comments. They sure were very helpful, and yes, I've made the changes.

      I'm glad you liked my story.


  • skyblu
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That ending was completely unexpected. I loved the way you wrote from each of the characters perspectives, you brought their thoughts across really well which made them believable. The message in the story was brilliant, showing how people can portray things differently. While the lady thought that she was unlucky compared to her husband, the man thought that he was unlucky compared to the woman. Brilliant, well done, great story.


  • Seria
    December 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love the plot in this. Great emotion. Good luck in the contest!


  • Immortal Obscurity silver member
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... I was completely and utterly spellbound by your ability to capture such strong emotions in only a few words! It was so sad that I cried at the end... I'm not a crier, so being able to invoke those sorts of emotions definitely has something to say for your skills as a writer.

    Your situation was believable, and you made me care about your characters. It's true that, to the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world, as well as that we all must think before we act rashly, or else we may live our entire lives in regret.

    This one was just over the top, and I loved it! Brilliantly done... You have reason to be proud of yourself here. Good luck to you

    I don't usually applaud contest entries, but this deserves is, for sure!


  • silent dances
    December 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my god that was dramatic,and sad, and unexpected. I liked it alot, and it makes me want to cry. It's strange how things work that way. that was really good, Good Luck!

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