Forever Burning Hate: Remember The Beginning(part3)

: Remember The Beginning (part3)

This lost and confused girl tried to remember what brought her to this point. Looking back at her life... The family fights, the suicidal mother, in and out of psych wards visiting a loved one. Could it be the many sleepless nights she had had, caused through being left on her own at nighttime while her mother gambled away everything they had? The separated parents? The fear of everybody she ever loved leaving her? No, it was none of these things; they merely helped add up along with the rest of it.

The horrible things she went through in year 7. Loosing a best friend, the first best friend she’s ever lost. Being in a new place, new people all of which hated her anyways. The harmful things people had said to her, which simply meant nothing to them. This school was no place for a shy, lonely little girl. She was afraid too be herself here.

She remembered being in the car with her mother driving her to school. Crying as hard as physically possible, begging her mother to drive her home. She would have done anything to not have to go that day or any day for that matter. It broke her mother’s heart completely. How could a parent possibly make there child go to a place they truly HATED!

It physically made her sick to have to go. The doctor’s couldn’t work out what was causing the many illnesses she seemed to have. Every symptom you could think of, she had it that year. Then finally they realised this little girl was bringing it on herself, all as a result of the people from that school.

Then year 9 came, the year she started cutting, at the tender age of 14. 8-10 scabs on her wrists at a time (Some scars that are still visible three years later). Everything got to much for her by now she needed a release, and this helped her more than anything else ever had before. It gave her a feeling beyond explanation. She was doing it up to 2-3 times a week. Did anyone notice? Did anyone care? No, of course not because she was just the quiet out cast, useless and pathetic in everyway. she learnt that there was no such this as a best friend. There is no such thing as friends forever. Or at least not for her! More horrible things were said about her, but people never cared!

Then came the next year, the worst was still to come. She remembered almost everyday of that cancer that seemed to engulf her whole family. (Even though it physically only effected her mother. The one she loved and cared about most.) Then there was the funeral which never leaves her mind, despite the fact it’s all a blur to her now. All she remembers is the complete and utter sadness, the forever burning pain and then the tears… oh the tears…

But still none of these were the reason she needed to push the blade deep into her skin. All of this didn’t help her feel better, but it wasn’t the reason tonight felt worse than all the other nights.