Forever Burning Hate: A Far To Often Pain (Part1)

The walls are pale and dull. The dim light reflects off them showing the many posters of bands, and the lyrics stuck up all over the walls. ‘I’m beautifully broken’ is what one of the pieces reads. The room itself seems sad, pink striped curtains, covered by a black organza curtain of the same size. Clothes scattered over the floor, most of which were black.

Alone, in a corner on her bed sat a girl, with eyeliner getting smeared down her face caused by the tears that wouldn’t cease. Her blonde hair lay straight covering parts of her face, only to see a broken smile and swollen eyes. She wore black leggings with a big hooded jumper to hide all the fat that covered her body. She was curled up in a ball, almost as if she was giving her self a hug, perhaps showing her that somebody still loved her.

Loud music was blaring from her stereo, Hardcore Metal. The beat somehow made her feel less alone. The lyrics made her seem normal like she wasn’t the only one feeling those feelings. The guitar sounds are what stopped her form reaching her for blade and ending it altogether.

She stood up, shaking. She began to walk slowly to the end of her bed. She knelt down and reached under her bed. She pulled out a small box (about the size of a large shoe box). As she lifted the lid, tears flowed even more uncontrollably. Inside were some very personal things to her. Including a letter she had written to her mother when she was only a child. In the letter it explained, in very simple terms, that she loved her and could not live without her. Under the letter was her notebook, this was precious to her as poetry and story writing was her life. Also contained in this box, were some rubber band which were scattered over the top of her very precious blade. Oh, and of course, to the side, a large box of tablets…

She wiped her eyes so she could see clearly once more. Her hand then reached for a rubber band. She wanted to use them instead of leaving yet another, somewhat beautiful, scar.

“It’s too late for that now! Nothing will stop this pain now. Except maybe…”

She didn’t want it to come to that, but unfortunately she was sure she wouldn’t be able to find much strength tonight.

She pushed the rubber bands out the way, for tonight that could do nothing. Her hand touched her blade. The smooth cold texture of it helped her feel that tiny bit better already. Her whole body tingled with a sort of excitement. Her breathing became heavy as more and more thoughts came into her head. Nothing made sense to her anymore. A jumble of words went through her mind. A feeling with out any explanation at all. Not quite happy but not quite sad; the fine line between crazy and sane. A mixture between angry and painful memories was unleashed inside of her. Like a plague had over come her. Sadly enough, she had felt this too many times before.