It is still 1979 and the party continues.
Section-4
(He didn't know how to get away. She'd help Tom. "Sur'en I'll sing." She giggled. "I'll bloody well sing for them." She slipped her small hand into Devlin's and ordered. "Get me to the piano."
"She can play?" Andrea attempted a smile but it faded when confronted by Deirdre's nasty scowl.) This is how section three ended.
With Devlin escorting the girl, William Connors shortly deserted to join his cousin, Bradley Fitzgerald, who had just arrived and became the center of a group that included Andrea Nelson’s parents.
“How does the child cultivate that accent?" Andrea asked John Connors.
“Spends her summers in Ireland with her grandfather,” John said.
The two were moving towards an area set off from the main crowd. Several of these alcoves dotted the edges of the ballroom, allowing for more private conversations while still in view of the assemblage. “Catherine always seems relieved the day Deirdre leaves and annoyed when August comes to a close. As you might have noticed she's not a pleasant child. Relatives, and school mates, we can't keep my son Jason away from the little imp."
Connors' mention of his wife made Andrea look up. Catherine Connors was watching them from across the room. "If that was a gun instead of glass in Catherine’s hand," Andrea said, "I'd be on the floor bleeding."
"She doesn't know."
"Don't bet on it. You never credit Catherine with brains, John, and that's a mistake. Your sister knows her better than you. Shelia warned me a long time ago that one day your society bride would eat my heart."
"I miss you." He suddenly whispered.
"Sure." Andrea cut him short. He never said I love you, not even in the heights of sweaty passion. Time to stop dreaming he ever would. She spotted his sister's entrance. "Shelia!" she called and enthusiastically waved.
"Damn! She showed with that faggot in tow."
"John! You shouldn't talk that way about your brother-in-law. Look what a handsome couple they make. Perfect genes like you and Catherine." Andrea underscored the remark with a snicker.
Had someone arranged a match on sight alone the couple gliding through the swarm of admirers, Andrea was certain, would have been it. The same luscious mane of golden blond hair curled as naturally on James Beechen’s head as it did on his eye-catching wife's. The reigning princess in the powerful Connors clan, Shelia Connors Beechen nearly challenged her husband's height of six foot. She carried her lithe frame proudly, not a hint of slump often associated with a too tall female showed in her movements. Like her lightly tanned and attractive mate, Shelia required no artificial aids to enhance her looks. Even her propensity to overindulge in whiskey had not turned the classical features puffy nor darkened the area beneath the wide set aquamarine eyes. Blessed by coloring that could accommodate any outrageousness, still, she chose to wear forest green with vague touches of gold in a simple but elegant sheath.
"Andrea, luv." Shelia bestowed a warm kiss on the other woman's cheek before her customary peck at her brother's. "And where is our little Annie? She assured me she was hosting Michael's wretched gathering and she would curl up and die if I didn't show."
"Be nice Shelia, Ann is doing a fine job."
"Really, Johnny, you obviously haven't spoken to your wife lately."
"No one can attain Catherine’s perfection." John Connors gave a malicious wink as he shook hands with his brother in law. "I didn't have any choice, but how did O'Neill yank your chain?"
James Beechen simply shrugged deferring to his wife who exclaimed. "John—why are you so dense. Most of these people actually like Michael O'Neill 'The Big Man'. I wouldn't doubt they'd willingly march to the gallows to please him."
"The Big Guy." Beechen chuckled. "Precisely what the Irish called Michael Collins before they executed him."
"Dream on, Jim." Shelia smiled at her English husband. "You're on the wrong side of the Atlantic. This Michael will probably dance on all your graves. Oh no!" Shelia groaned. Her eyes fastened on the child wiggling on the piano bench. "Couldn't Ann have popped the little witch something to keep her unconscious?"
Andrea protested. "Shelia, that's mean. She seems like a sweet child."
"Obviously girl, you have never been subjected to little Dee's evil nature."
“To be honest,” Andrea said, “I don’t think Michael ever told me he had a daughter.”
The music built and Deirdre’s voice, amazingly strong for her age, rose in harmony with it. "Through the little streets of Belfast,/In the dark of early morn,/British soldiers came marauding,/Wrecking little homes with scorn."
Her singing had the usual affect, and people began to move towards the piano. "Dee!" Her father's bellow had to have reached her but she ignored it.
"Heedless of the crying children, / Dragging fathers from their beds./Beating sons while helpless mothers,/Watched the blood pour from their heads."
“Of all the tear jerkers.” O’Neill groaned. “I better head her off before she turns this into an IRA rally.”
Catherine Connors slipped her arm through her cousin's. “Leave her alone, Michael. Everyone is getting a kick out of the little rebel. You're at fault, really, Michael. You pack her off every summer to your father and she returns all the worse. You should give her a permanent home life. Why don't you marry Ann? "
“Aye, me Kate—always the matchmaker.” O'Neill eased out of Catherine's hold on his arm and winked and touched a finger to his lips. Then he walked towards the crowd at the piano.
By now the chorus learned, the adults joined in, "Armored cars and tanks and guns, /Came to take away our sons, /But every man must stand behind, /The men behind the wire."
"Enough." O'Neill stooped to remove the child amid growing complaints.
"Leave her be, Mike."
"Come on Dee, girl, do us another."
Andrea, having moved in on the group, added her protest. "Oh let her sing."
To be rewarded by a hard, "No," from Deirdre.
In an attempt to laugh off the rudeness of his daughter, O'Neill said, "Sorry Andy, but she's a wee paddy ya know."
Andrea slipped a hand through Devlin's arm. Deirdre's features formed into a jealous pout. "Sure, I've known some black Irish . . ." Her father's palm clamped across her mouth.
"Shut up!" He warned.
She shrugged and with a shake of her head freed her mouth. Pointing to a caricature, of a red-haired, pipe sucking, creature molded in colorful green and white clay, with a top hat bedecked with an orange band, propped on the top of the piano, she asked, "What's that daddy?"
"Sure, now." Andrea mimicked the Irish accent of the girl. "That's a Paddy."
O'Neill saw his child’s small mouth scrunch up trapping spit as the lips formed the exit. He knew what would follow. He grabbed Deirdre, swung her up and shoved her face into his own neck to catch her saliva on his collar. "That's it! Ann!"
Ann Ryan was not within hearing and he was required to tote the urchin away himself.
In a list
[Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Ok, another good piece of writing. Yet more characters though. I understand you want to get all the introductions out of the way in one go and I can appriciate that but I must admit that Im getting a little lost (although that could just be me being a bit dim). It is interesting how all the characters are spitting poison behind each others backs but at the moment I feel like Im on the outside of an in joke. Maybe once Iv read some more Ill read back through some of these earlier sections and see if it makes a bit more sense when I have the characters more clearly identified in my own mind.
I generally enjoy the rhythm of your writing although I thought that the line 'not a hint of slump often associated with a too tall female showed in her movements' was a bit clumsy. I hope you dont take this the wrong way becuase I am loving reading this but maybe something like 'her movements showed no hint of the slump so often associated with taller women' would sound a bit smoother. Hope I have not offended you, and ignor me if you like, its just that you previously requested that any comments point out the trickier parts of the writing.
I hope I have helped.
X Amber X. Rewarded 8
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What is that song??!!!! I really want to know what that song is. Is it one you made up, or one you just put in there-because it's really good, and kind of goes with stuff, you know? Anyway, I loved this story, but you should expand. I want more; I really do hope there is another in this "series?".
. Rewarded 6
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Thanks so much for reading.
Irish Rebel song, “Men Behind The Wire” recorded during the escalating ‘Troubles’ in Ireland.
There were a lot of tapes made by Irish Groups that sold more in the US than they did at home. Still, I can remember singing them as a kid. If I ever publish, I’ll give proper credit.
I’m glad you enjoyed this section and would like to read more. “Unpardonable Sins” is a 400 page novel that requires a bit of editing. I have posted 16 files already in this forum with more to follow. And any help or opinions is happily received.
Geri
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Sorry to see the little monster go.
So far, Deirdre is the best part of the show. I know who Jim is, now; but I don't have all the characters settled in my mind. This is a large gathering, are we going to meet them all?
I hope you don't frustrate your readers. This would probably be better if I took it in bigger pieces, but it is hard to find the time to read more than a couple of parts at a time.
Andy
. Rewarded 8
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Andy, I warned yah, you might just get really into this story.
Only one more post I think until chapter one and the party ends.
After that you will only be subject to a few characters at a time, and you have already met them.
Hope you're over 18--grin.
Geri
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Another good segment here.
More interesting background tidbits on the main players. And Deirdre played out her mischief nature in an amusing way.
There were a couple of places that could have used a paragraph break as Token mentioned, but otherwise it has a nice flow throughout.
I like the even combination of dialog and description and the subtle barbs thrown in the dialog add to the overall atmosphere of the situation.
The story has an interesting flow going and I'll go read part 5 now that I've read this one.
Greg
. Rewarded 8
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Previously read and commented
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I hope at some point you post this chapter in its entirety. It's been 4 weeks since you posted the 1st part and I'm having trouble keeping track of all these characters. It's a good idea to break them up, but please post it all together when it's complete...
I like the dialogue and the underlying jabs you are throwing at people as they speak. I'm really interested to see where you take this, but I'm just wanting it to get there.
I'm in impatient.
Sorry.
I'm still liking what you have, I'm just confused. If I have time, I may go back and re-read everything to try and familiarize myself with everyone. YOu keep posting, and I'll keep reading.
. Rewarded 8
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Yikes! I'm the one who is sorry. I figured if I posted this mini-monster chapter all at once, no one would read it. I promise there are only a few more sections before we get to chapter two.
I may rethink the cuts from there on.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Geri
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The () things were really confusing...
I would suggest removing "This is how section three ended" and putting a break in that would make it more clear.
towards
should be toward
“Catherine always seems
should be a new paragraph
I miss you."
should be a comma when followed by a mode of speech. If it's followed by an action then it should have a fullstop
Watch putting too many ideas in one paragraph. It makes the story feel rushed.
Your dialogue flows well and the story is progressing well. I enjoyed the way it's going. The only thing that was confusing was the / / breaks. Well done. I look forward to the next chapter.. Rewarded 8
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Thanks for the thumbs up.
Much appreciate you continuing to read and suggest improvements, and of course finding my goofs.
Geri
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Good read but ...
This part was apparently intended to clarify the convoluted relationships between the characters.
Although the writing is good, I’m afraid this reader is hard put to keep it all straight.
Somehow the plot of the story is still hidden by all the complex character details.
. Rewarded 6
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Hi Lou, I have some great consistent readers but you top them all. I’m feeling miserable this week (head cold). Promise I’ll get back to your story and the questions you’ve put on W101 as soon as I can get off the antihistamines and think straight.
I appreciate your reading and comments. Once I get the final section up I hope you will add your suggestions to the cutting if it’s deemed necessary.
I know the party is long but in a 400-page novel, this opening is really only about twelve pages. Cut it up this way makes it seem longer; but it gets me more hits.
Geri
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