Golden Dawns Occult Adventures :- Crowley and Mathers make Breakfast

Dawn blazed it's glory over the endless beauty of Loch Ness and Aleister Crowley, the beast and worlds greatest ever evil occultist opened his eyes to greet the oncoming light. He yawned and stretched and looked around at the several beautiful women in his bed, none of their names could he recall, but distinguished each one by scent alone, so keen was his sense of smell. Dislodging himself from their vice like grips, he got out of bed and threw on his magus robe. There were all kinds of erotic devices littering the floor and he fell over on one or two of them before finally making his way out of the door of his bedroom.

Mathers also awoke, his modern radio alarm went off with "Good morning starshine" Samuel Liddell MacGregor Mathers was respectible and married, and sleeping in his bed with his dear wife Mona Mathers who was tired and shagged out after a long and hard night of occult wizardry at the hands of her dear husband. He also threw on his magus robe and stumbled out of the door only to bump into Aleister Crowley who was also stumbling out of his door.

"Good morning Mathers..." Growled Crowley. He didn't much like Mathers but he used to be his teacher and he did introduce him to the Golden Dawn and so he was letting him stay in his house whilst there was a convention going on for all occultists.

"Morning Crowley!" Growled Mathers back. He also had a keen sense of smell and could smell the several different scents of all the women Crowley had been sleeping with. He was unimpressed and maybe a little jealous as Crowley always seemed to get all the women and maybe a few men as well.

"I was just off to make breakfast" Continued the Beast with a peircing gut wrenching stare that would kill a lesser human being.

"Me too!" Replied Mathers, his stare equally gut wrenching and fearsome. "I thought I would have bacon and eggs."

"That's a good idea!" Retorted the Beast, almost hissing snake like in his reply, as they made their way to the kitchen in Boleskine house.

Mathers was very competitive and managed to squeeze in the kitchen door a split second before Crowley did, and opened the cupboard, and grabbed two eggs before Crowley could get his hands on them. Scowling, Crowley grabbed another two and dashed to the fridge, grabbing all the bacon before Mathers got a look in.

"You cheat! You charalatan!" Roared Mathers realising he wasn't going to get any bacon this morning.

"Hah!" Roared Crowley right back, I have all the bacon, ner ner ner ner ner! And bags I first dibs on the cooker!"

In a mad dash for the cooker, Crowley did indeed get there first and proceeded to turn on the gas, lighting it with a spark from his own finger. "Impressive huh?" He grinned in an egotistical way as he prepared the frying pan with oil.

Mathers was incensed and summoned up all his power. "Crowley you will not win, you cannot win... watch and learn!" And with that Mathers grabbed Crowleys frying pan and held his hand under it and verily the pan did spit and bubble and fry the bacon without there being any gas under it, just the intense heat from Mathers hand. He also cracked two eggs into the pan and backed off to the other end of the kitchen so he could have all the food.

"Now I have the bacon and eggs and the frying pan, and I shall succeed in having breakfast first, and you sir will have nothing!" He laughed as Crowley edged slowly towards him.

"Give me the frying pan Mathers, I only bought it last week and it is specially made just for me, if you don't give me it back you will be sorry!"

"You are bluffing! This is not a Holy frying pan, nor a Satanic frying pan, this is an ordinary Tefal frying pan upon which I am frying breakfast for ME! You have lost Crowley admit it!" Laughed Mathers as his breakfast fried away nicely in his hand.

"No I mean it, that is a very special frying pan for I say to you that it is cursed! Cursed so that only I can use it and anyone who doesn't have permission to use it will be cursed and all that.. so give it back now and save yourself!" Growled Crowley with a grin. "I will give you ten seconds!"

"Push off!" Retorted Mathers taking a bit of bacon. "This is almost ready, I think I shall also make an omlette and some sausages and Mona is a bit partial to a Lincolnshire sausage now and again.

"Right you asked for it!" Said Crowley, and then strange things began to happen. From behind him Mathers heard something creeping, and shuffling and then a low noise that sounded like someone being half strangled but squashed at the same time.

"What was that?" Asked Mathers now a little panicked

"The curse is what that was!" Replied Crowley.

Again came the noise and the creeping and Mathers turned round, a peice of bacon in hand and about to pop it into his mouth, when he came face to face with the mummified body of Tutankhamun. He gazed open mouthed at the creature before him. "Crowley... you awakened Tutankhamun to protect your frying pan so you could be the only one to make breakfast?" He asked, now completely wide eyed and terrified.

"Yes thats right I did, so hand it over, Tefal or not, it is still my frying pan,and my bacon and eggs and all that!" Laughed Crowley holding out his hand and anticipating the pan being handed to him.

"Aarruuuufuuggghhhh!" Came the voice of Tutankhumun as he limped forward to Mathers making a grab for the frying pan. Instinctively Mathers jumped out the way, spilling all the contents on the floor and everyone, Crowley, Mathers and King Tut, fell down in a heap in all the grease and bacon and eggs. King Tut had never experienced anything like this nor had ever tasted bacon or eggs and proceeded to eat the eggs.

Mona Mathers had gotten out of bed and drawn to the kitchen by all the commotion, she stood watching the whole farce, Dion Fortune too had been awakened by all the kerfuffle and was also standing there with a hot water bottle and her hair in curlers. The two women folded their arms and looked down upon Mathers, Crowley and King Tut and shook their heads. "I never will understand men!" Sighted Mona.

"No..." Said Dion "And what are we going to have for breakfast now?"

Crowley and Mathers and King Tut looked up at the women and felt a bit sheepish for their actions.

The End.