druken flames

Sleep...1

The bane of my existence. The poison that kept my mind foggy. Much like the alcohol, it offered a false sense of freedom. Both sleep and intoxication were lies, no matter which road you chose, something else was in control. Both pretended to have the answers, but both hurt. 2

And yet, despite my hate for both, I needed either one, or the other. In order to keep the sleep at bay, i had to drink, to sip my troubles away. To drown myself in my world of sorrow. The only was to break the chain of drink, was to sleep. And then the dreams came.3

Horrible, horrible dreams. Dreams I could not control, dreams that had plagued me since I was a young girl. Since the night I lost my face.4

Yes, my face. 5

A long time ago, so long ago I cannot remember it (the only proof i have that it really happened, was my reflection), I was in a car accident. The car burst into flames, and my seat belt stuck. Either old age or the drink keeps me from remembering,  but they told me i was trapped, stuck there for god knows how long, burning, the flesh peeling away from my bones.6

But, the pain i was supposed to feel doesn't exist anymore. 7

I spent the next couple years in the hospital, procedure after procedure. Each operation I was told I would die. Oh how I wish I had, but no, every time, by some miracle of God, I was spared. But, it was no miracle, simple karma. My suffering, compensation for the pain I had caused.8

I have no face. My skin melted, all the cartalige i had is now gone. A monster. I started drinking. Somehow, I can still drink. Why, I will never know. I almost wish I couldn't. Almost, but not quite. 9

Because I cannot stand the dreams. The dreams of fire. The dreams of all the lives I took. The dreams of hate, of despair, the dreams that will haunt me until I die.10

So, I drink, but only until it kills me, so I can outrun my past.11