Beaten

"After all, what am I worth?" Hannah thought blankly, slumped on the floor against her white bedroom wall.1

She'd recently gone through a phase of painting all her walls black, but now they were clean, white. As if that would help. Not a chink of sunshine peeked through into the small cold room, as the window was heavily covered with a dark blue length of fabric, clumsily pinned and nailed up. There were no posters in the room, except for one painting that looked like it had been once been drawn by a happier, younger Hannah, but it was falling off the wall, and no-one had bothered to put it back up. 2

She sighed, and looked down at her hands. She had them tightly furled into fists, but now she uncurled them, slowly, like budding flowers. In one hand lay her phone, in the other, a colourful concoction of pills. Hannah closed her eyes and tried to forget the events of the last few months. Dropping her phone on the floor, she scratched an itch on her arm, an arm now covered in ridged scars, cutting into each other viciously.3

It had started with careless name-calling. Hannah smirked unhappily as she remembered her mum's amazing words of advice......."Just ignore them, they'll soon get bored".................an old childhood rhyme came back to Hannah-'sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.' But surely words were just metaphorical sticks and stones, and they could be thrown much further than real ones.4

Then they'd progressed to tripping her up when she walked past them, pulling her hair when they sat behind her in class. Complaining to the Headteacher hadn't helped. She'd simply given them a warning, let them off with a slap on the wrist. 5

Then they'd really come for her.6

She'd never imagined what it felt like to be beaten up. A mob of endless hands, all seemingly stronger and faster than hers, flying at her, her body screaming silently in agony, her voice screaming out loud. The feeling of being so helpless, knowing no-one was coming to help her, every second wishing-'please God, please let it be over now'-her prayers answered, with another deafening hit. As they walked away, laughing, content with their thuggery, as Hannah hugged her knees, sobbing inwardly, knowing there was no escape.7

She'd considered running away once, but the safety of home always gives us hope. The warmth of our beds, the cosiness of the lights, the feeling instilled in you when you are young and you know you can run home and tell everything and your parents will hug you. So she never did.8

But then once outside, the world turned grey, everyone became an enemy, laughing at her, swearing at her, whispering hateful things in her ear. School became her prison.9

That was when she started cutting. It hurt so much, but it was so satisfying to watch the blood run out, to have something else to concentrate on and forget about her life, to have something she was in control of.10

The beatings became regular. Hannah used to zone out after a while, their voices fading into the distance. She began to look tired and grey, desolate and sad. Her mum did notice, as did her dad. She just told them she was bogged down with homework. 11

They believed her.12

Yesterday at school, the bullies had given her a threat that meant the end. If she came to school, they'd kill her. If she didn't, they'd wait for the next time she came out, and kill her then.13

She wouldn't give them the pleasure, she thought, smiling sadly. They had taken her life, but she would rid them of that last little thing she had control over. Smiling, a proud look on her face, she got up, and looked across to her desk, where a letter in her handwriting lay. 14

Hannah slowly walked over to her bed, and lay down , hugging her teddy bear-the one she'd had since she was a baby-and poured the pills into her mouth.15

She sniffed her bear, and smiled again. It smelled like childhood to her. She closed her eyes, and drifted into the deepest sleep of all..... 16

Author notes

This is for a contest, but this is also very personal.

I was bullied for four years in secondary school, and it got so bad that I had to change schools twice. It got so bad at one point that I was too afraid to go to school and I had to be home tutored for a year and a half.

I was lucky, I saw a future past my torment, and I am now very happy with friends and my boyfriend. But not all who are bullied are so lucky, and this is the message I'm trying to convey in this story.

**************************

Notes for lovableReese's contest:

Well, you know a bit about me from up above this, I'm a 20 year old woman in the U.K., I live happily with my loving boyfriend and two adorable cats, but I would like dogs one day, my three fav dog breeds are husky, bullmastiff, and german shepherds. (Sorry, I can't choose between the three!) Don't really know what else I can put here but theres more on my profile!

I am a girl-for another contest

In a list

A contest entry

Please leave a comment, I would appreciate it.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 47 of 47

  • Maggie Kay
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    the way you have discribed makes it easy for me to imagine. you painted pictures in my mind.
    Very good and i very much enjoyed it
    i have been bullied too but it was never that bad.
    Thanks for entering


  • LoveGo13
    February 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is good. I liked how your character revisited her past, showing the reader why in the world she was committing suicide. The details just emphasized your point. This is a great story!

  • NightVixen
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    I could not imagine being bullied like that. So sad and disturbing. Sometimes children are just sadistic. So sorry you had to endure so much yourself.

    This story is well written and emotion provoking. You are very talented!



  • Dassy
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    whoa. That was really deep and really good. I hate it when people bully one another for no reason wahsoever. Were you ever a complete meanie to someone with out realizing it that made everyone turn on you? That was really depressing for me. I'm trying to help this one chick out in my school, whom everyone hates, but she keeps acting like I'm trying to hate on her and not help her. Whatever

    great Job and Best of luck!


  • Living.Disaster
    October 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you forgot something!!


  • K.CTheDyingReindeer
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. This sent shivers down my spine. Bullying is a terrible thing. Some people think it isn't that bad and it doesn't damage but it causes the worst damage of all. Mental damage. It also causes the physical kind. Somebody could resort to suicide to solve their problems. Very well-written and...inspiring? I don;t know if that is a strong enough word.
    -Dani


  • LoneWriter
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am so glad I allowed prewrites in my contest! Your story is amazing and so true. There are millions out there who are still going through the same thing. People need to open their eyes and see the problems in the world we've created.

    Very Realistic!

    Good luck in my contest, and spreading the word out,
    ~LoneWriter

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Living.Disaster
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this story was full of description and it took my breath away.
    Read the Rules again though.


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you I'm sorry, I didn't realise my wording was over your limit.


  • Taylor Renee
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.

    This is tragic. Yet written absolutely beautifully.

    It's a good thing you never did that. Because we'd be short one beautiful writer here on earth.

    Great job. The plot caught my eye and held it, and it was written very wonderfully.

    I found absolutely nothing wrong with it.

    GREAT work. Thank you so much for entering my contest, and I wish you the best of luck!

    xoxo
    -♥-
    Tay


  • ElfSong
    April 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautifully written with an impressive choice of vocabulary. It was full of emotion and very engaging. I didn't notice any mistakes, so good work. I thought the end was a bit abrupt, but that's probably just me. Good luck.


  • AugustDaylight
    March 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. I've read this before, Iand I liked it then. I'm very happy to see that you have entered my contest.

    Good luck.

  • TheDayTimeStopped
    March 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh my god that is horrible i couldn't even imagine but it does happen every day. That is so sad


  • UnEdibleChick
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is pretty good but you used a few things that you would usually use when you're in the chatter box like "Mum" and ".........." . When writing a story, you have to be formal, I guess. Good job and thanks for entering. This is personal, isn't it? Well, I hope those fears will leave you. You have to stand up for yourself once in a while, (Or all the time) You know? Well, good job and keep the great work up.


  • StarIlluminated
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow this is so sad. I'm so sorry you had to go through something like this, it must have been horrible. I personally know what it has been like to be bullied, but not to the extreme "Hannah" was. Amazing story with description and detail.
    Illuminated *KT*


  • hey incendiary
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "but the safety of home always gives us hope"
    Don't make statements. Let your writing be the statement.

    Also, there are times where it flows very well - extremely well, in fact, but I see a lot of speedbumps in it, where you weigh it down with explanation and explication and all matter of information that is really secondary. Do another draft: focus on getting rid of words that don't matter, and tidy up the chronology. It has real potential

  • Thedamned77
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful story. I love where you said that she was cutting because it was the last thing she could control. It's ironic, actually. I was once cutting and I was anorexic/bulimic. The reason I did those things was for the same reason. I needed something I could control. But cutting and eating disorders are addictions just as strong if not worse than drugs because they're mental instead of chemical. It's ironic because addictions like that start out as gaining control, but soon you lose all control to your addiction and you have less control over your life than you did before. You brought up great points in here and it was great to get inside your head. Thank you.


  • lovableReese
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was interesting and different. It had a lot of felling and discription.


  • Frozen Angel
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very emotional and you put very vivid details of bullying and brought the subject to life. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.

    *Frozen Angel*


  • GrimDeath
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Since I have already Commented on this story once before I am just saying Good Luck and Thank you for entering


  • Ghost of a Siren
    February 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was so sad, it nearly made me cry. I was tormented through school, it got so bad that I dropped out, people can be so cruel sometimes. I'm glad there was a light at the end of the tunnel for you. No one deserves to be bullied.


  • Amicus2K9
    February 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Terrible experience....

    Had to come see who you were, wanted to read your story but the content prompts drove me away, don't like to read pain and horror.

    But this is very well done and most emotional. Difficult to live through, difficult to write.

    Thank you for the visit.

    Be well....

    Amicus....



  • stardust3492
    February 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This portrays such a powerful message. It is truely moving. It makes you feel the pain that the character is experiencing. Thank you for entering and good luck!
    ~

  • GrimDeath
    February 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very well Written and emotional I feel for you. I used to be bullied but I never knew anyone when that far with bullying. I am glad to hear that your life has come around to the light.


  • NotTheDroids
    October 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well written, and very emotional - The subject of bullying brought vividly to life.


  • Redtearstains
    October 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful write. It good to see that you were able to use some of your emotion to create such a vivid and brilliantly written story. I was also bullied and at times I felt like there was no point in anything at all. Reading was my escape as writing seems to be yours. The character was very believable and relateable. Really really good write.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 4.

    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much form commenting on my story, and thank you for the applause. I'm glad you had an escape from it as did I, and I hope you're okay now


  • WhiteLight15
    October 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Loved it.

    Very nice sorry. It was very well written.

    Good Luck with the contests.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Rini
    October 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that's intense! I'm so sorry that you were bullied. I'm glad that you wrote this. I really think that you should submit this to publications. It was written very well. ^_^


  • elfflower1989
    October 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awww...this has got to be one of the best suicide stories I've ever read. I didn't understand, though, why her parents or none of her teachers saw her scars. Where were her friends? Where were the telltale bruises from the beatings? Why didn't anyone help her and who was the letter for?

    Nevermind that, though, they're technicalities. Bravo ^^

    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Well, the letter was a sucicide note for her parents.
      Also, she may have worn long sleeves to cover the scars.
      In situations like this, your 'friends' sometimes disappear very quickly, I have been in this situation as I say, and nothing is ever really done, its a disgraceful thing which needs changing.
      Unfortunately, not many people get help with this problem, as teachers are all too willing to bury their heads in the sand, and pretend it isn't happening, rather than get involved in anything that may upset their own perfect lifes.
      I'm sorry that I sound bitter about this, but its something that I feel very strongly about, this is the reason I wrote this story.

      Anyway, thank you for commenting and thank you for the applause, I appreciate it


  • plurangel silver member
    October 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really intense. If i were to close the contest now you'd certainly be in the top 3. this story hit close to home because i've been in this predicament. overdosing i haven't done, but i've battled with depression just as much as hannah has. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I'm glad you have friends that give you the support you need, and you turned your life around. Friend(s) are what a person needs to get through the toughest part of their lives.

    My favorite part was when Hannah picked up her teddy bear and cuddled up with it before she killed herself. I know it sounds morbid but that part distinctively reminded me of my most vulnerable time. Goodluck in my contest.

    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for commenting on my story, I appreciate it.

      Also, it doesn't sound morbid, lets just say I understand because that one line (other than the overdosing) is drawing on personal experience.

      Also, I hope you're okay now

  • Jinxgirl
    October 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i'm sorry that this truly happened to you. it is horrible what people do to others. i don't understand such cruelty.... i am happy that you have had a happy ending.

    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, you're not the only one lol! I know, I don't understand how these people can look at themselves each day......

      But thank you for comenting, and reading my story


  • Ms. morrow
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    HOLY CRAP

    She kills herself!!! I think almost everyone has experienced bullies. I can't imagine in today's 0-tolerence world that it can be taken to this degree without consequences from the school authorities. But nonetheless, this was a sad look into that troublesome problem. I hope things get better for you. There is a lot of senseless hate in the world. Makes me wonder how it is learned so well by those who are so young. Ms. Morrow

    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      To be fair, I have found that 0-tolerance does not really exist, more a want to back down and pretend the problem doesn't exist. Teachers are sometimes too afraid to do anything nowadays because so much power has been taken away, I once watched a student in my class yell at a teacher and the teacher said nothing, in case they got into trouble. But thank you very much for your comment, and thank you for the applause


  • asthray.heart
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You got this down pretty well, I am wondering what picture I gave you, could I maybe be messaged with a link to the picture?

    What usually takes place in these stories, is how the person on the bad side of bullying feels. You did that and another part, what made her feel that way. Which worked really well. Had both sides of the story and both sides of the emotions.

    Knowing how this feels can help, I myself can say I have received some nasty stuff, such as being told to go and die and I am a bad horrible person.

    Great work on this, you captured it really well and I am pleased to read it.

    ~Lady Madeline.

  • the shorty
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was very nicely done. Normally these kind of stories focus on the pain the people in Hannah's position feel, but you gave us insight into what exactly was making her feel that way. It felt very much as though it came from the heart, and was engaging almost immediately. Keep it up.

    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for commenting, I'm glad you feel that its got the personal insight because thats what I was aiming for


  • Kelly2heart
    October 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A very deep and emotional write.


  • Indistrict Cullen
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing! I lov the feeling this story gives off, it's so real! And the message is nice as well! Ah, if only bullies would cease to exist and turn into humans. I just wish so many wouldn't stop living their life because of bullies; that's just what they want. Some think that if they kill themselves, it'll make the bullies regret something. They're wrong. The bulies will just laugh and think "What a loser. Totally insecure." This story portrays the horrors bullying truly brings. Good luck in the contest.

    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I completely agree with you, and I hope someone going through this reads this and realises its not worth it to kill themselves. Thank you for commenting

  • Kayleigh Marie
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    It was very sad, but well written!

    It is extremely sad that this really happens. I've been bullied, but only in other minor ways. I'm sorry for this character and you. This is a very powerful story, and nearly made me cry.


    • MoonRoseWolf gold member
      October 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for commenting, I'm glad that a powerful message is coming across in my story

1 - 47 of 47